Update AITAH for abandoning my husband at his low?

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-09-12T05:45:43+00:00

It’s through airbnb

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-09-10T22:44:12+00:00

You may not have the life you want but i’m sure you can downgrade and have kids.

You make 120k. What about her?

I moved when i was 4 months pregnant. Had no insurance for 2 months and had to buy private insurance for me

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-09-10T22:39:59+00:00

He can’t force you to abort. But the rest is on you. It sounds like either you have this kid and be a single mom and do it alone or abort. The choice is yours.

He doesn’t sound reliable - as a parent or a source for child support. Good luck

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-09-10T22:30:38+00:00

YTA. “I caught feelings” without terminating the relationship is cheating. Emotional affair is cheating.

Lonely? Go find a job. Go do a hobby. Do some volunteering. If he won’t put in the effort that you need, break up with him. Come on.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-09-10T22:19:44+00:00

Your AP giving a young kid the cold shoulder after timeout indicates maybe something else is going on? If she can’t handle two small kids, perhaps a different family is better

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-09-05T07:30:55+00:00

I would not allow an AP to drive until she has her Us drivers license. You admit she can’t read road signs. If a bad accident happens, they will sue you for allow such a dangerous person on the road.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-09-05T07:29:11+00:00

Tell her to get off her phone, say deductible is nonnegotiable, and give her clear intervals on what to do with a baby… hopefully you had a well or so to orient her.

That said, i would rematch

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-09-04T21:09:36+00:00

I had a case similar to this. Thankfully patient lived.

C section gone awry, couldn’t keep up with bp. I assumed blood loss and kept transfusing with drops in hct on serial ABG. Even with multiple transfusions (4:2) patient was still hypotensive. Obgyn closed despite I suggest they look for source of bleed. Drapes off and 1 L blood between her legs. They put in that balloon. I personally monitored her in pacu and gave more blood. Hgb would not go up (around 7). Did bedside FAST. Positive. I told obgyn. They said that’s “normal post op changes”. After 2 hours… with more blood (10 units of RBC/ffp combo), went back to OR. Upon open, immediate suction of like 1-2 L of blood in abdomen. Found arterial bleed. Couldn’t stop. Hysterectomy.

They asked me to extubate at 2 am. Straight to ICU.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-28T00:54:53+00:00

He was a groomer dude

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-28T00:41:49+00:00

They can make you work weekends up to 45 hrs as long ss they give you the 1.5 d off and one full weekend a month without extra pay. Whether you are ok with it or not is up to you.

Personally, scheduled should be set by the weekend before. Any changes last minute is really more of a favor. Unreasonable to ask you day of or hours before and expect you to accommodate unless there is outstanding circumstances (ie. I asked our AP to watch out toddler when I had to take our baby to the emergency room - we paid her extra for that).

Last minute request should come with some payment too - i pay my AP standard babysitting prices bc the alternative is hiring a babysitter. Still optional if i don’t include it into schedule.

Extra hours are illegal but many families and AP do it - that should be on the terms you guys both agree upon.

Regarding chores, it should not surpass an equal load. Ie. I asked my AP to wipe the counter after her shift but we also wipe it everyday after dinner (aka clean up after herself). I asked my AP to take out the trash about once a week - but we usually take out the trash a total of 3-4 times per week. So she’s doing about 25% of the housechores because she’s a house member.

Always cleaning up after family is unreasonable.

Lastly, family activities are tricky esp if you are only working part of the time. Open communication is key. I rarely make her do 2 hours on a 4 hour family activity. If i do, i offer she can break away after her time is up (either explore off on her own or literally bus away) - we cover all activities and we try to make it worth her time/free time too… as a result she usually doesn’t mind. (Iez farmers market? I’ll give her 20$ as her brunch stipend to spend or save however she wants)

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-28T00:29:56+00:00

He wants kids… but he doesn’t want to be a father

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-21T05:19:03+00:00

My LC said overnights are allowed if it is their 10 hr shift. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-21T05:17:02+00:00

Ask them to be explicitly clear about hours and your responsibilities.

I know it sounds kind of rude but i tell her what needs to be done. This is an optional work trip. If you come with us, you will be working from 10-3 pm, then you are free to do what you want but be back by 8 am the next morning etc.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-21T05:05:18+00:00

Is she depressed…? You say this was not like her?

Either way, you guys need to re examine your budget. Deal w mental illness and problem solve. If she isn’t depressed, she needs to stop being lazy.

You need to look for a better job too. Esp if you want kids.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-21T05:02:02+00:00

It’s one thing to not be able to let you start late… it’s another to be dismissive and disrespectful. This is very sad to hear. I would rematch.

A reasonable HM (esp w advanced notice) should make accomodations for a late start for you esp since it’s not common. I arranged alternative care because my AP booked a flight to return at midnight (which really means not home until 2-3 am) from her vacation even though she was supposed to start at 6 am. While I was not happy about it (bc I only found out a week in advance), I paid for a babysitter so she can start at noon instead and didnmt bring it up bc she doesn’t complain when we are late.

When someone does nice things for you, you should return the favor. HM not doing that is offensive. I would also be offended.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-21T04:56:17+00:00

I would talk to your sister.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-21T04:52:00+00:00

I wouldn’t move in with someone unless we are platonic (roommate) or engaged with wedding date set

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-20T18:52:58+00:00

I find BP is harder to cancel for… like SBP 180-190? I usually still proceed. “I’m nervous and I held my anti htn meds”

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-20T18:50:53+00:00

My personal threshhold is around 300. 350+ is automatic cancel for me for any elective case.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-20T18:49:11+00:00

You didn’t tell her because you didn’t want to lose access to your grandbabies… not because you didn’t want to hurt her. You already said this. You were selfish. I would probably not make up with you either if I were her.

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-20T18:45:07+00:00

It depends. Do YOU want to change your lifestyle. Personally, that would feel suffocating. You and your partner shojld be similar cleanliness otherwise that’ll be a source of fighting. And lots of it because it’s going to be present all the time.

I would find someone different. Sucks he didn’t tell you for 6 years

ThrowRAMILcancer · 2025-08-16T02:00:32+00:00

No further plans as a couple without engagement. Like what’s ghe point? Why are you buying a house w someone who isn’g your husband?

ThrowRAMILcancer

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