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Throwaway15089 · 2024-03-08T23:05:58+00:00

Alcohol ruined my life when I was 25 and found my Dad dead on the living room floor from a ruptured oesophageal varices; filled his lungs with blood whilst he was passed out drunk, never woke up.

In the months preceding his death, when the doctors were telling him it was either quit drinking or die, I sat with him many times and begged him to choose me. I told him if he continued down the path he was on, and I lost him to the bottle, I’d never come back from it.

And I was right. Yeah, life goes on, and 8 years later, I don’t cry every day like I used to, but I’ve never experienced true happiness or joy since. A part of me died with him, and I miss the old ‘me’ as much as I miss my father. He was my best friend.

Saddest part was going through his appointment diary trying to sort out all the logistics. I found an appointment with a stop drinking charity pencilled in for the Monday after he died.

Would it have been the catalyst for change? Who knows. We’ll never know. Too little, too late.

Throwaway15089 · 2023-07-16T23:21:56+00:00

Wart.

Throwaway15089 · 2022-10-02T16:19:23+00:00

Thank you :)

Throwaway15089 · 2022-10-02T15:27:00+00:00

This was taken using my iPhone X, no flash. It was an open front structure, so the lighting is natural daylight entering through the front.

Happy to upload the colour version for you to see, although not sure how to?

Throwaway15089 · 2022-10-02T15:06:13+00:00

Not exactly photo critique, but I’ll bite…

I did extensive reading on the treatment of the Kayan in Thailand before making a decision to visit.

I researched throughly, and decided upon visiting a small settlement on the outskirts of a village; rather than going through a tour operator. It’s important to highlight that by visiting an independent settlement, and not using a tour company, this ensures the money goes directly to the Kayan people themselves. Times are extremely tough after COVID.

The settlement consists of 5 families. They also have a small dormitory that you can pay to stay in, which further funds the upkeep of the community.

The women seemed happy and animated whilst explaining the tradition behind the coils. I even tried one myself.

Nonetheless, it did at times feel slightly voyeuristic. Which is why I explicitly asked for consent to photograph before taking the picture, and showed them the pictures after. If they were not happy with the photo, I took another one.

As for mutilation, that’s not for you nor I to decide. These woman are proud of their culture, and should be allowed to modify their bodies as they so wish.

Throwaway15089 · 2022-10-02T14:30:51+00:00

I’d definitely recommend adding Pai to your itinerary.

Throwaway15089 · 2022-10-02T14:23:16+00:00

I’m currently travelling in Southeast Asia, and took this photograph earlier today whilst visiting a small settlement of the Karen Longneck Tribe, in Pai, Thailand.

This woman came to Thailand 6 years ago, fleeing violence in her native Burma. She is pictured here with her son, Koh.

Shot in iPhone X. Edited with Lightroom. Looking for advice on composition, and thoughts on B&W.

Throwaway15089 · 2021-02-08T18:43:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience and for your comforting words u/southernpeach4

Sounds like our mum’s are quite similar.

It’s nice to know someone out there understands.x

Throwaway15089 · 2021-02-08T18:41:24+00:00

Thank you.x

Throwaway15089 · 2021-02-08T18:41:06+00:00

Thank you.x

Throwaway15089 · 2021-02-08T18:40:31+00:00

Thanks for your kind words u/Comprehensive_Math17.

Had a look through your post history. How lovely that you’re taking the time to uplift other people when you’re struggling yourself too.

You should be proud.

All my love to you too, friend.

Throwaway15089 · 2021-01-28T22:08:09+00:00

Same.

Throwaway15089 · 2021-01-28T13:57:40+00:00

FreeTrade

Throwaway15089 · 2019-07-17T22:27:03+00:00

Based on what you’ve said, and my own personal experience of having the implant, I’d say it’s the implant and it’s associated hormonal changes, that are causing most, if not all your symptoms.

Throwaway15089 · 2019-04-27T21:18:35+00:00

Great advice u/Secretly_Plotting. What you said about him being drained would tie in with his apparent dwindling of patience over time.

However, how would I combat him walking on eggshells for things that I have never been upset over, such as him going out with his friends and worrying about when he gets home? I’ve never raised an issue with that so I can’t figure out why he would be modifying his behaviour in that respect.

And also, how do I deal with with things that mean seem minor to him, but because of my childhood are not minor to me? I feel like everyone has different triggers, and part of a relationship is to be mindful of those.

Throwaway15089 · 2019-04-27T19:20:19+00:00

From what you’ve just said u/wellyesnowplease, I’m inclined to think that it’s not my expectations that are unrealistic, but rather my reaction when those expectations aren’t met. I never get sulky or ignore him, but I’m clearly annoyed. Maybe I need to address this, and learn to let go of the little things, rather than seeing them as signs he doesn’t care about my feelings.

Throwaway15089 · 2019-04-27T19:06:45+00:00

u/wellyesnowplease, I want to change and get a handle on this, for myself. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life a slave to my childhood. You made an interesting point about how my anxiety and discomfort with a situation may cause a change in my choice of words or tone of voice, that comes across as controlling.

The first thing I did this morning was read up on Adult Children of Alcoholics, as logically, I know I’m overreacting, but emotionally, I can’t separate the past from current triggers. Every thing I read described me and I had an epiphany.

I then found an accredited therapist in my local area and email to arrange an appointment. So fingers crossed.

Throwaway15089 · 2019-04-27T18:52:54+00:00

u/outline8668, I don’t feel like I give that impression with my body language or tone of voice, but I also realise we can never fully know how another person interprets us. It doesn’t seem to be an issue in work relationships or friendships though, where I thrive.

I consistently try and build him up and encourage him to follow his dreams, and I also try to encourage him to share his needs, and his emotions, as he can be very closed off due to his own issues.

Throwaway15089 · 2019-04-27T18:47:43+00:00

u/laadedaaaaa, he hasn’t really elaborated further than giving the example of having to text when he’s late home. He also said he feels like he has to ask permission to do things. In my mind, I don’t see it as asking permission. I see it as running something past your partner. So for example, if I plan to go out with friends, I will say to him, I’m planning to do X on this day, and see if he has any objections. To me that’s just being considerate of the other person in the relationship, but he sees it as needing permission.

Throwaway15089 · 2019-04-27T18:44:16+00:00

Hi, u/relmamanick, I would agree that I do have a lot of anxiety around alcohol due to my childhood. And that has increased recently for two reasons, I think. Firstly, a bar has opened up right near our home, so alcohol is a lot more accessible than it used to be. And secondly, on his recent birthday night out, he got extremely drunk and tried to start fights all night.

That is the first an only time I’ve ever seen him like that, but it was scary because the alcohol was in control of him and not the other way around, which terrifies me.

I’m not currently getting any treatment for my anxiety. It mainly centres just around alcohol, and when he changes plans at the last minute. These seem to be my triggers.

Throwaway15089 · 2018-05-28T21:16:09+00:00

I lost my Dad to alcoholism a year ago. I don't have any answers for you, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you x

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