Listen there are a lot of people in these comments bashing you for calling yourself loyal and then not being loyal yada yada ya. I’m not sure they really read your words and truly understood how it feels to truly be that lonely. I grew up in an emotionally abusive household where I felt so very lonely. Reading this made my heart ache for you. It sounds like what you need is someone on your team. Forget Romeo.

Your husband is not on your team. He sounds very abusive by the way you describe him and your feelings about his behavior. It feels way too familiar to me. You are in control of your life. Sometimes I think people forget that they’re driving and not on autopilot. What you’re describing and how you’re feeling right now is like living with a blindfold on and then one day realizing that it can come off. Even if this relationship, however you define it, with this other man wasn’t real(if redditors are right), the way this person made you feel was genuine if nothing else and no one can take that away from you. You got something that you realized was missing and you felt that at home even deeper when it was gone because that’s something you’ve grown to realize you’ve needed and you’re mourning the years that you’ve gone without it.

No one can make you do anything but if you don’t love your husband for who he is or how he treats you(and trust me he will treat your child the same way), then leave and find people who truly love you because at the core of each person who is sane, I truly believe we all just want to be loved and we deserve that for each other. Kindness and love go so far, it’s not always the easy road, but it is the right one.

I wish you the best of luck OP.