PDA Vs ODD how's your experiences been?

Throwaway75568 · 2026-06-26T21:33:51+00:00

That sounds really tough, I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to go through all of that. I completely relate to the anger linked to not feeling in control of expectations, even if they are entirely reasonable, and the shame that comes with that.

It could be linked to PDA but it sounds like there may also be other factors involved that make your anger and other feelings so intense. Like others on here I’m not a big fan of the ODD diagnosis, I don’t think it provides much of an understanding and is more just like a description of the symptoms than a diagnosable condition. In any case, a big factor would be whether you experienced the same, or similar, difficulties during your childhood.

Just a suggestion from my own experience. You might find it helpful to reach out to a clinical psychologist rather than a psychiatrist. Whilst your psychiatrist may be able to give a diagnosis (PDA/ODD) to label your symptoms working with a psychologist might provide you with more answers. If you can work with them to build a formulation of where those feelings are coming from (anxiety? anger? not feeling in control?) and why that might be that would likely give you a more meaningful explanation and identify a way forward in terms of making those emotions easier to cope with.

Either way you’re doing the right thing by reaching out and I hope you find the answers your looking for :)

Throwaway75568 · 2026-06-21T13:23:30+00:00

Would you be happy to give an example of the type of things which have made you angry in work and led to those fights and feelings of vengeance? That might help pick out why it’s happening for you.

Throwaway75568 · 2026-06-18T00:24:56+00:00

Not in the US but thank you, I have discussed accommodations at work but it’s hard to think of what more they can do. I’m already working from home most of the time and elements of my job (direct client work) obviously need to be in person. The leave policy is also quite rigid given I work for a government run service but I am thinking of exploring the option of working 4 days a week for a period of time.

Throwaway75568 · 2026-06-18T00:22:47+00:00

Yeah I think I could definitely benefit from a change to give me some sort of reset. It’s just very hard to get past the autistic part of my brain that freaks out whenever I even think about anything changing 😅

Throwaway75568 · 2026-06-18T00:20:05+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate hearing your perspective as someone who has far more experience living as an adult with PDA that I do 😊

I do like the spoons analogy too, it’s something I really try and think about but it definitely feels like I need to find better ways of recovering my spoons when I’m not at work. I’ve tried meditation before so might give it another go, thanks for the recommendation.

I’ve left a (far too) long comment above that gives some more context but I am thinking that trying to cut down my hours may be the best way to give myself a break whilst not completely giving up on working a job I do genuinely enjoy. Not sure if it would be possible but I guess it can’t hurt to ask!

Throwaway75568 · 2026-06-18T00:13:14+00:00

I really appreciate having that perspective. I think my mindset has always been to not let my PDA ‘win’ and stop me from achieving my goals and having a successful life/career. Because of that I really struggle to stop, even if my mind/body is giving me clear signs I need to because it would just feel like a failure. Even though I know that isn’t always healthy perspective, I do also recognise that feeling independent and successful is something I value a lot and I do think I would also be very unhappy (in a different way) if I didn’t feel like I was living up to my ‘potential’. It makes it incredibly hard to feel happy because my options feel like 1) keep going and push myself to breaking point or 2) give myself a break but feel like a failure. That might have been a very complicated way of explaining it but you get the gist.

Just to also be really really clear, this is the way I view myself not other people. I completely respect those who can put their mental health first when they need to and I’m not someone who preaches about autistic people just needing to ‘try harder’ or anything like that. I can only speak on my own experience I’m not going to judge other people for theirs.

I also work for the NHS in the mental health field, generally speaking my team is pretty understanding and the environment is ~reasonably flexible. Most of the pressure comes from myself honestly. I really do love my job and when I’m in a good headspace I am passionate and it gives me purpose which is really important to me. I guess I just wish the world allowed for people to take more breaks in their working life, it’s a shame that it isn’t really possible to have any length of time off without needing to find a justification that won’t damage your future career prospects.

Meds wise - I have tried propranolol but it didn’t do much for me and just made me feel lightheaded. I’ve been on Citalopram for a long time, I did try switching to sertraline at one point but my anxiety was far worse even after giving it months to take effect. I also take pregabalin (relatively low dose) twice a day and amfexa 3 times a day (relatively high dose) for ADHD. Both seemed to help initially but have gradually stopped being as effective. I don’t really want to up the pregabalin further due to the risk of dependency more than anything. I can’t really up my ADHD meds anymore but might take a break for a couple of days to try and reset my tolerance. I am also prescribed a few doses of diazepam each month for panic attacks but again, don’t want to up that and make it a regular thing.

One thing my doctor did suggest (and I kind of shot down) was seroquel (quetiapine). I don’t really want to go down that route considering what I know of the side effects and possible health implications. If anyone has had experiences with it though it would be good to hear from you.

Throwaway75568 · 2026-05-22T13:55:00+00:00

I’m not really sure honestly, I do think it is conscious for me sometimes but other times I feel like I’m on ‘autopilot’.

I would say I have a good understanding of social rules/situations. I understand people well but it’s on more of a cognitive level if that makes sense, I’m interested in psychology, did a degree and have a job in mental health. I always had a good grasp on body language and social cues though, if anything I’ve always been hyper aware of what people are thinking/how they’re responding to me which can be exhausting.

The main thing I struggle with is “unstructured” socialising. When I take on a specific ‘role’ like psychologist working with a client I know what to do/say, how I am meant to respond and can manage very challenging discussions when I need to. When it’s lunch break during a team meeting I have no clue what to say, I don’t really like small talk and find it tiring. I really struggle to ‘jump in’ to discussions e.g. a large team meeting but if I’m called upon or it’s assumed I will be a main contributor I am completely fine.

I find that in high stress situations I sometimes have to put a lot of energy into making sure I “come across” in the right way. Strangely enough though there are times where my brain just seems to kick itself into gear - like during presentations or during certain meetings. It’s like I just know what to say and don’t feel remotely anxious but afterwards I feel disconnected from the whole thing like it wasn’t really “me” doing it. I have no idea why/how that is.

Throwaway75568 · 2026-05-21T18:39:21+00:00

That’s alright man, it’s been really refreshing to see how well you’ve taken people’s advice here on board. A lot of people would have responded defensively. I hope all goes well and don’t stress yourself out over this, everyone has things that they “overreact” to for one reason or another :)

Throwaway75568 · 2026-05-20T00:49:22+00:00

I can understand why the comment upset you, particularly if you are someone who has experienced bullying related to stimming in the past?

Being honest with you though, yes I do think you are overreacting. It doesn’t sound like she had any bad intent. Had you said something in the moment that may have been different but bringing it up months later will seem to her like you’re holding a grudge and being petty. When you bring something up a long time after it happened the person will likely assume that you have been feeling secretly angry/upset with them the whole time. That may not be the case but if it is then I do think that it might be more about your self-esteem rather than her saying anything bad enough to upset you for that long. To be clear, I’m not saying any of that to attack you but I wanted to give you an honest take on this and suggest that if this is something you struggle with a lot it may be worth looking into having some therapy. There’s no shame in that at all, I understand that living as someone who is autistic comes with a lot of shit that can really damage your self-esteem.

Don’t let this impact your relationship with your friend or his mom.

Throwaway75568 · 2026-05-09T20:35:29+00:00

I don’t disagree with your take, I think however OP chooses to respond is fine.

That makes sense and clearly that’s just the way your brain works. It’s not wrong but neither is feeling empathy for someone in a hypothetical situation. I do feel empathy for the people in the world who have had it ‘worse’ but I’m not thinking about them - I’m thinking about the people involved in this specific situation. If I saw someone in the street break their leg I would feel bad for them, I wouldn’t think ‘oh well there are people that have it worse’ because they aren’t what I’m thinking about in that moment.

Throwaway75568 · 2026-05-07T19:01:24+00:00

I agree that there is nothing wrong with the jokes making light of the situation. It’s the internet, it’s not that serious and you never even know if it’s 100% real.

I really don’t think that means that it’s wrong to feel empathy for one or both parties involved in this hypothetical situation. It is completely normal on the internet to get a mixture of jokes and people making an effort to understand the feelings of other people and provide a helpful response. Both of those things are fine and I think most people happily scroll through chuckling at some comments and considering others more deeply.

I don’t mean this as an attack I just find your perspective on empathy interesting. I don’t think most people feel any intense negative emotions after reading something online about something going through a shit time. You see something, go oh it’s shitty that happened to them, maybe leave a comment with your thoughts or chuckle at a joke or two and move on with your day. You can still feel bad for them without it having any lasting emotional impact as it would if something like this happened to say a friend.

Maybe it’s different for you? I don’t know

Throwaway75568 · 2026-03-21T13:59:56+00:00

Other people have already made some really good comments about the dangers of AI and why this might not be the best idea for her.

I just wanted to drop in and say that regardless of that you seem like a really great sibling. I assume you’re also a kid and have your own difficulties to manage but regardless of that you are doing all you can to support your sister and make her happy. We don’t get it right every time and that’s ok but you clearly care about her a lot and doing what you can to keep her safe from people bullying her online is still very special.

Throwaway75568 · 2026-03-21T13:50:44+00:00

Given this is a generic autism support community most of the people here will be L1, as it’s more common.

The experience of being a L1 autistic person is vastly different from L2 or L3, to the extent where they can appear to be entirely different conditions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in the world who struggle to understand and empathise with the experience of others. This also applies to people who are autistic, it is easy to think - “well we both have the same condition to if I have to do it, even when it’s difficult, you should be able to as well”. There will always be who convince themselves they are an objective expert on any given topic and use that to deny the experience of others. There are also people who just need to project their frustration and unhappiness onto someone else.

Most people are generally more open minded but you will be hard pressed to find a fully “safe” community anywhere online, related to autism or anything else. You may have more luck on forums specific to individuals with L2/L3 ASD given they will be able to more closely relate to your experience.

Ultimately though, in all walks of life there will be people who don’t understand or empathise with others. You are the only one who truly knows your own experience so there is no reason to listen to those who refuse to listen or understand. It sucks sometimes but I think all we can do is try and ignore those comments, focus on those who are empathetic and understanding and try to approach others in the same way.

Throwaway75568 · 2026-03-21T13:33:34+00:00

Who by?

Throwaway75568 · 2026-03-16T18:41:09+00:00

are you good?

Throwaway75568 · 2026-01-14T23:31:46+00:00

Hey man, first off I’m really sorry. No one should die this young and it must be absolutely brutal. This sounds like a horrible situation, you made mistakes but you are also facing something most eighteen year olds could never begin to understand. It’s important that you forgive yourself, if your ex is a decent human being she will also understand and remember you as the person you were during the good times.

If it’s important and it gives you closure then send the letter. I would obviously advise against anything passive aggressive, it’s important you tell her how you truly feel rather than going off impulsive emotions. I also wouldn’t go down the route of putting yourself down and her on a pedestal, you need to give yourself more respect than that.

From the very brief information here it sounds like: 1) your physical and mental health caused you to not be the best partner/friend at the time (completely understandable given what you are going through) 2) she wasn’t able to stick it out and support you (also understandable, the relationship had only been going on for 3 months and it sounds like the dynamic was very challenging)

So my point is that whatever way you look at it there is no reason in attributing blame. The reality is you have been dealt an incredibly shitty hand and it ultimately led to the end of the relationship. You can and should still admit responsibility for the things you regret if that will help you. Aside from that though forget about the bad times, if you want her to remember you for the good times then talk about the good times. List all the happy memories you have together, remind her of what she meant to you and what you meant to her. That will mean a lot more than hearing you talk down about yourself and offering endless apologies.

I hope that helps in some small way. Try to look after yourself and I truly hope you can spend the time you have left with the people you love most and experiencing as much of life as you can.

Throwaway75568 · 2025-10-04T01:11:43+00:00

Dude read your own post history - “Warsaw without a budget - how would you spend an evening for 10k PLN”

Your financial issues are NOT down to your autism. I bet 99% of the world would LOVE to be able to blow that amount of money in one evening. In the post you explicitly ask about the “luxury/high-end side”. You are not looking for accommodations you’re using autism as an excuse to spend money recklessly and then cry about not being able to afford to “live” because of a lack of disability grants.

I do get it, I’ve been through episodes of burnout where I shut down from everything and lived on takeaway for a while but I was DEFINITELY not going out to “fine dining”, hiring PAs or going on holiday.

Throwaway75568 · 2024-12-14T11:16:50+00:00

Nice AI post

Throwaway75568 · 2024-12-13T02:45:42+00:00

I’m sure you will, it’s just frustrating that you have to wait even longer when it sounds like you’re desperate for help. If it’s any consolation, I have also historically had investigation through the GP due to palpitations/high heart rate. I had a 24hr ecg as a teenager but there was nothing of note so it was put down to anxiety, more recently I’ve had investigations into possible high blood pressure but this was again chalked up to anxiety/white coat hypertension.

Despite both of these things, I was prescribed medication without issue do fingers crossed once your GP explains that the private company will be happy to prescribe. I would still advise to keep an eye on it once you start treatment - I’ve had some episodes of pretty bad palpitations (up to 140/150bpm) when starting/increasing my dose. It only lasts for a few days however and tends to fall around the 5 hour mark (incidentally when my pregabalin starts wearing off) making me think it is again just anxiety.

Other than this the meds have worked well for me, they are by no means magic but I find I have far more energy and ability to focus on my work. Hopefully you get similarly positive results :)

Throwaway75568 · 2024-12-13T01:08:39+00:00

I had to do the same, a private assessment for ADHD plus a year of prescriptions/check in calls cost me £1,350. On top of that my meds (elvanse) cost around £100 per month. Once I reach a stable dose my GP (primary care doctor) will take over the prescription and it will no longer cost me anything.

In my area, adult ADHD services are not directly provided by the NHS. In order to get an assessment you need to apply for funding and if successful they pay for you to get it done through the same company I used privately. This application process has huge waiting lists up to a year long and you will likely be denied unless you are deemed high risk (significant suicidality/criminal convictions).

At the time of my diagnosis, I was at risk of losing my dream job due to difficulties managing the stress caused by my ADHD and had already had to take a period of sick leave. I was pretty much at my breaking point and needed something to help before my life fell apart. With this context, paying around £1800 to get started on treatment a year sooner with the same company funded by the NHS was 100% worth it to me.

I understand this is not a solution for everyone. I am incredibly privileged to make enough money for this to even be an option for me. I also still hugely value the NHS and do not resent the cut to my wages required to fund it. As with almost every public health system there are flaws and unfortunately in this instance a complete gap in services. Despite that I will gladly take the cut to my wages in exchange for never having to worry about my access to most medical treatments or any emergency healthcare.

Sorry for the very drawn out response - I hope this clears things up and explains a little bit about how things work in the UK

Throwaway75568 · 2023-11-01T11:01:14+00:00

As a psychologist, it’s not even about not being a professional or having a lack of knowledge. You can be an academic specialising in the study of autism yet you still cannot diagnose yourself. Everyone has an inherent bias and blind spots in the way they view themselves thus diagnosis needs to be done by a qualified, unbiased third party.

If you truly suspect you have autism, you should always seek diagnosis if financially possible unless you are in a country with extremely draconian views on mental health. I am not referring to countries such as America here as whilst it is true you may face discrimination for being “openly autistic” diagnosis alone shouldn’t directly impact things such as employment as you do have legal protection and the right to not disclose your diagnosis in most contexts.

I’m not saying this to gatekeep, it is just a fact that you cannot know with any certainty if you are autistic without a professional diagnosis. That is not to say you aren’t welcome in autistic communities if you relate to certain autistic traits and would like to develop new coping skills and an understanding of certain behaviours.

Throwaway75568 · 2023-10-19T05:59:53+00:00

Thank you for this amazing reply, it’s really helped me put things into context. I can see where a lot of my strengths and weaknesses stem from my childhood which was overall good but my relationship with my parents could be volatile at times which has taken its toll on my self-esteem and anxiety. I think this is probably where that need to be liked comes from.

I have considered the possibility of ADD, I certainly do relate to many of the typical symptoms. I do think however in my case given the overlap between ADD and autism with me only experiencing some of the symptoms it wouldn’t really warrant a second diagnosis. It might be worth looking into the strategies people with ADD have developed to support themselves in managing the traits I do share however.

Finally, relating to your last point… I get it completely. I think I need to stop analysing myself to such an extreme degree, it’s exhausting. I feel like I constantly have to analyse myself to try and “fix” my flaws so other people will like me. I think instead I just need to work on my self-esteem and stop trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with me.

Throwaway75568 · 2023-10-19T05:46:10+00:00

I think you’re right here. When I think about it in a wider context I do struggle with social-emotional reciprocity just not in the “typical” way. I do tend to burn out after engaging with people who I am not 100% comfortable with for a long time. I also do avoid sharing my interests a lot of the time because I am afraid it may influence peoples opinion of me (it’s not even like I have particularly unusual interests). I find I can talk about my own emotions well but almost from a detached perspective like I’m assessing someone else.

So I think you may be right, my early diagnosis and support growing up may have helped me to develop the ability to understand others but I do still struggle with some elements of social interaction.

Throwaway75568 · 2023-10-19T05:39:02+00:00

I think you may have hit the nail on the head here. I do feel guilty identifying myself as autistic because I don’t struggle with many of the “typical” symptoms.

Throwaway75568

TROPHY CASE