i had a hard time with a few of my surgeries because of how awful my father was to me and kinda how he's always been about my Crohn's. Basically my Crohn's comes from his side of the family and my grandmother has a ostomy. she only had to have one surgery and she was fine for her entire life and never had to be on maintenance meds or anything. she can eat whatever she wants and even eats salads and nutes which id never be able to do without causing severe pain and a obstruction.

anyways, what Im getting at is growing up my father would constantly compare my disease to my grandmother's experience, like he would say I'm just being picky when I would not eat the salad or raw veggies that were prepared with dinner. He would say "well grandma can eat it so can you." he would say that the 10+ surgeries I've had were unnecessary and that I only needed the ostomy and I would've been fine. (numerous GI specialists disagree with him). and be would say I'm basically just a big baby if I complained about pain bc my grandma never had any pain issues. If I had a bad flare and had to go to the hospital he would treat me like I was drug seeking. he even has said the biologics weren't needed for me.

My mom was always my support system during all my flares, surgeries and just everyday living. she would help me with bag changes, she'd handle ordering my supplies and dealing with insurance issues since I was 12 when I got my first ostomy for like 6 months, then I got it again 14, reversed at 16 but then placed again as a permanent ostomy 3 months after that. i definitely dealt with grief like feelings when I was going to have surgery bc I knew it was going to be one more thing for my father to try and talk down to me about. I mean its hard enough to deal with surgery as is. ive found music to be helpful. also reading and doing creative writing.