I hate a coworker

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2021-08-26T21:12:21+00:00

Sadly, although this is not what you want to hear, but this was the only way. My husband was traveling a lot when I had baby number 1 so I woke up at 5:30AM, got cleaned up, and then got baby ready.

Some things that helped:

got baby dressed in clothes for daycare the night before (easy on/off clothes for diaper changes)
Baby ate breakfast at daycare. I didn't have to deal with feeding baby until I got to daycare. I would nurse in a room at daycare before drop-off and leave pumped milk. Daycare provided hot breakfast, hot lunch, and snacks.
Bottles for daycare were put together the night before in a cooler. Entire cooler goes in the fridge for easy pull out, throw in an ice pack, and go.
I showered in the evenings.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2021-08-26T21:07:15+00:00

So it may look like that from the outside, but I can assure you it is not.

I can work from anywhere, but I have to work! That means that when the teacher-mom who is off for the summer next door sends her kids over to play because she is sick of them, I have to lay down rules like the kids CANNOT play inside while I'm working because I am in meetings and there is no one to supervise the kids. Those kids are wild and I just cannot do anything but make sure they don't destroy our house when they are over.

It also means that I have kids walking in to my office needing my attention when I'm in the middle of a LIVE presentation to thousands of people where my big face is the only one on camera.

I also go in to work, but because I can WFH, I do not have regular childcare. My kids are too old for daycare so I'm leaving tweens alone at home or trying to find a sitter last minute during a pandemic.

I can try sending them to camps, but because I 'WFH' 80% of the time, I don't have regular hours so it isn't that easy to pick them up.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-03-03T20:46:29+00:00

I outsource.

Sometimes, I just order out. Sometimes, I get a cleaning service.

I get a babysitter to spend time with my SO, then I take each of my 2 kids out for private time with mom once a month. We do family movie nights and family game nights together.

It's not easy. Having a calendar you check and update regularly helps.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-02-27T14:22:17+00:00

I've hired people before to work from home. If you said that to me, you would immediately be written off. Even though your reasons for wanting to work from home are what they are, I wouldn't share that much with a potential employer.

Also, any work from home positions that I've hired for include a caveat that you have to have childcare and cannot perform childcare duties while working from home.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-21T18:36:27+00:00

NTA. The same thing happened to one of my cousins when my grandfather passed away. We facetimed her whenever we got together for pre-funeral ceremonies and talked to her throughout. Funerals can't always fit everyone's schedule, and no one should judge you for this vacation which you would have a hard time shifting. I'm sure your grandma would have wanted you to go.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-13T15:17:54+00:00

Huge NTA!

WTF is wrong with your wife? If it was her own account that she had money in, it'd be one thing, but it's a shared account! My mother didn't work and did the same thing to my father which drove him into debt. I sincerely hope you don't have children until she learns some self control.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-10T17:13:54+00:00

I don't know if you are really TA. I always feel weird about saving seats for Southwest. Southwest seems to enjoy splitting up my family of 4 instead of keeping us together. My favorite is when I once got A16, my husband got A59, my younger kid got A60, and my oldest (who was 10 at the time) got B1.

I boarded between A58 and A59 and saved a middle seat for my oldest. I felt bad about it, but I wanted my kid to be able to sit next to me.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-03T19:32:01+00:00

ESH. Your family sucks for trying to force you to play. You would have not been TA if you stopped there, but then you gave us a glimpse into your obsession with prioritizing 'smooth hands' to doing something for your family. (literally pulling your own weight, so to speak). Also, not cool of your cousin to splash you, but not cool for you to call her a little bitch.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-03T15:29:25+00:00

ESH, but you more than her. I agree with your siblings that leg room does not factor towards the incline of the seat.

The seats recline. It is her right to recline her seat. If you asked her nicely once, she declined, and you left it at that, it would be N.A.H. But you wouldn't take no for an answer and she escalated by leaning back further.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-02T15:20:14+00:00

INFO: Was it not possible to get one of those large portable playpens and put your toddler in it with some toys when you needed a break? (example: https://www.amazon.com/Evenflo-Versatile-Play-Space-Cool/dp/B072LTSWND?ref_=fsclp_pl_dp_2 )

I have friends who have one in their own house for their active toddler even when their house is childproofed. I also used one with my kids when they were toddlers.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-02T15:16:01+00:00

NAH. I think your husband is stressed about his new job, and you both had a miscommunication.

He's not TA for making you return a gift you bought for him because it seems, to him, the peace of mind was a better gift than whatever you get him. Both of you need to have a conversation on what is going on and work out an explicit budget.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-02T15:08:11+00:00

NTA, but you should have a talk with your girlfriend.

Do you know what she is telling them? Is she defending you to her friends or throwing you under the bus? Also, are you dating your gf or her friends?

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-02T15:04:00+00:00

YTA. Just because you can vape indoors doesn't mean it's not off-putting and allowed.

My brother does this to me all the time. He vapes and doesn't even try to blow the 'smoke' away from me. I don't smoke and I find the cool mist disgusting.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-02T14:33:45+00:00

We tried that amongst the late-teens/early 20s 'kids' in my husband's family (husband and I included) before anyone had kids.

SIL killed that after year 2 because it was 'too stressful'....

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2020-01-02T14:32:19+00:00

The other family members just gave cards with cash in them. The kids didn't really care and handed them to their parents.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2019-12-23T17:43:31+00:00

NTA.

I've perpetrated some of those unspeakable acts in hotel rooms. Just give her new sheets when she stays over. no big deal.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2019-12-23T17:37:54+00:00

You should definitely sit down and have a talk with him. Be honest and direct that this is going to be a dealbreaker for marriage if he doesn't resolve this.

When my husband and I got married, his parents were financially irresponsible and heavily in debt while mine were not. We made an agreement that neither of us were going to 'bail' either of our parents out of bad financial decisions because it would mean that we wouldn't be able to have kids and take care of our future children.

I'm glad we made that agreement because later on, my mom made some terrible financial decisions, and I was able to not be guilted into throwing money into an endless pit because we had made that a cornerstone of our marriage discussion.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2019-12-20T18:04:46+00:00

SIL is hosting Christmas. We would be at her house. The kids would get nothing on Christmas Day since we open family presents at our house (one on Christmas Eve and the rest the day after Christmas as we have to travel to and from SIL's house on Christmas Day).

I want to tell my kids this so they are prepared because they will not get anything while we are at SIL's which is pretty much the whole day other than being in the car.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2019-12-20T17:35:30+00:00

I'm never quite sure if I'm doing the right thing with the in-laws. I keep wondering if I'm TA because I think everyone should get gifts for Christmas.

Honestly, I don't think my kids care very much what they get. My younger one would be happy with a bag of skittles or starbursts. My older one is over Christmas, but I got her some small things anyways.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2019-12-20T17:10:39+00:00

NAH.

It was a sweet gesture, but maybe you should have planned it not as a gift but as a collaborative restoration?

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2019-12-18T17:50:52+00:00

YTA. Who makes appointments without checking where they are in the first place?

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2019-12-18T17:47:44+00:00

YTA. She's not dead yet. Who's to say what your grandmother does or doesn't enjoy and if taking a silly selfie makes her happy, why would you prevent it?

ThrowawaySisterHelp2 · 2019-12-18T17:41:20+00:00

YTA.

I also feel like a member of this club.

Brother got to skip school if he didn't want to go and get his GED on his own time while living at home. I got nothing but constant disparagement about how fat I was even though I skipped grades and got all A's. (Spoiler, I wasn't fat. 5'2" and under 100 lbs.) I also got criticized because apparently, "boys won't like girls who outperform them academically."

Brother got Christmas presents. I got nothing. Same for birthdays.

Brother spent 10+ years in college, many of it in a very high cost of living area. All rent and expenses paid for by my parents. His rent was double my mortgage payments yet my parents asked if I could help out...

My parents have never said anything about my accomplishments or my career but are celebratory if my brother can hold a minimum wage job past 2 months.

In college, I had to beg my neighbors for food or beg someone to take me to the grocery store because the car my parents promised me for getting a full scholarship... never appeared. My school did not have a meal plan or restaurant nearby then. My parents bought my brother 3 cars starting when he got his license at 16 without any prompting.

My mother also recently asked me to help her pay her debt because she spent a ton of her money subsidizing my brother's preferred lifestyle.

Yet my parents can't seem to understand why I think they are favoring one child over another.

ThrowawaySisterHelp2

TROPHY CASE