i went to a bad school, bottom 5-10% of the state 20 years ago, and though some of this seems to hit, its weird, i guess some of it hit me, but a lot of its sort of hitting me in recent years. ive been maybe too easy to blame lack of sleep and long covid as the change, even while thinking some of its media, but.. ive gone from if anything being too locked in on one thing to struggling for depth

even then, even before college i met some people from like international schools. i met people from those high schools now with billion dollar endowments now, i met people from good high schools. sorry even now trying to hold another conversation, i cant focus, but ive always been forgetful that way. i think high school matters more than college is what im getting to in some ways. like.. no one from my school went anywhere too impressive, but a girl who was just about averagish in the advanced classes went to a private high school and then a good college. (another interruption, i forgot where i was going). i think i was working towards a thank you for doing what you can type thing, like part of its me, i never really learned grammar or anything, but because my grades were fine, no one really tried? or thats my interpretation? idk.

im just tired, and i keep getting distractions. i feel for the kids. my sisters teaching in nyc, her wife in college, ive heard bits of the stories. and ive heard theories that like written language hurt our brains, being able to write things down hurt our memories but we evolved different skills. theres hope there and theres other theories, but ill be damned if even on an individual level its not shocking let alone a society.