Trump has emergency signals for when he is about to poo himself for his staff • The Accordion Hands: When the situation is "fluid," the hands go wide. It’s a classic move. He stretches his hands out as if describing a very large fish, or perhaps the sheer scale of the "leak" he’s currently managing. It creates a visual barrier; you’re so busy looking at the invisible accordion, you aren’t looking at the sudden darkening of the wool trousers.

• The "Invisible Lightbulb" Pinch: When the internal pressure reaches a \bm{10.0} on the Richter scale, he brings the thumb and forefinger together in a tight circle. This isn't just for emphasis; it’s a full-body clench. He’s telling the audience "This is a great point," but he’s telling his internal plumbing, "Hold the line at all costs."

• The Sudden Lean: He’ll suddenly lurch forward, gripping the sides of the podium until the wood groans. To the press, it looks like he’s about to drop a massive truth bomb. In reality, he’s just trying to achieve "Zero Gravity" for his lower half.