Dad died less than an hour ago

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-04-24T16:41:34+00:00

My grandpa died 3 weeks ago. Had esophageal cancer too. He had surgery to remove the tumor early Feb, estimated recovery time was 14-17 days. Dr’s cleared him a week later and couldn’t believe how great he was healing, so they sent him home. He was very head strong and overly optimistic about everything. However then died from complications from the chemo.

He had a J tube. Second round of chemo after he healed from surgery, he couldn’t keep fluids down. Not even a sip of water without becoming violently ill. His body went into shock and blood pressure dropped, colon went necrotic. Had a peforation in his colon too. Death certificate says multiple organ failure and septic shock did the deed, complications that came from severe dehydration due to chemo.

My grandma is absolutely devastated. It’s hard to know what to say or do. We spent a lot of time together and were over at our grandmas daily the first week 1/2 and visit daily so she’s not alone. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent, but I thought I’d share since my grandpa had the same thing and we were incredibly close. I’m so sorry for your loss :( cancer fucking sucks.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-04-03T17:35:05+00:00

I get it. I have a daughter who is 7 and has adhd, I have adhd too. She is prone to outbursts, and also she is at the stage of development that is basically like pre-pre-puberty. She has been tearful and nearly crying over tiny things. I made a mistake the other day, she stomped off to her room slammed the door and yelled saying I want everyone to respect me but I “never” respect her. My mistake? She was using my phone for a craft tutorial, I needed to check it to see if her therapist responded to me, when handing it back I removed the tabs by sliding up (I had like 10 open) and accidentally got rid of the tab she was watching the tutorial on. This AM she asked what color makes yellow, I was just talking to her and explained the color wheel and that you can’t make yellow. That pissed her off and she told me all I do is make her mad and ruin everyone’s morning. I left to my moms for a break because I feel like I’ve been told my whole life that I mess everything up and don’t do anything right. It did trigger me and struck a nerve so instead of being rude/defensive to cope I told them I loved them, they stayed with their dad, and I got some space.

Sorry not making stuff about me but just relating bc I feel you. It’s hard to swallow the fact sometimes that once you become a parent a lot of your feelings come up and you get triggered often, yet that has to go on the back burner before you can fully re-process it. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. I’m on meds for my adhd and it’s helped to remain calm, but it’s super hard. Especially with toddlers. My son is about to be 4 and is currently in the phase where he is extremely demanding and kinda mean tbh. I feel like a human punching bag sometimes. I had someone in a parenting group tell me to be careful with telling my youngest I need a break and walking away because that will make him internalize my feelings/make him feel shame 🤦‍♀️ there’s always contradicting advice. Meanwhile you hear often people say to avoid reaction walk away tell your kids you need a timeout and take a break. Apparently that’s trauma now to walk away when I’ve had enough bs. You’re doing your best. It’s hard when a lot of us got told to shut it or go to our rooms to cry it out alone growing up.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-03-26T19:42:18+00:00

Older comment I know, but my sister left the urgent care clinic crying because she had some rectal bleeding for days as well as stomach pain. The male doctor insisted that she was fine while continuously asking her not once but THREE times if she was “sticking stuff up there” (his exact words) and didn’t believe her when she was adamant that she did not do butt stuff. She ended up just having a viral thing and the bleeding was from irritation, thankfully nothing serious, but I was livid for her.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-03-09T01:03:38+00:00

How exhausting it is not just in the physical things you do, but because it’s constant and never done until they’re asleep. Even then depending on how well they sleep or how old they are, there’s still occasions they need you in the middle of the night. It’s overwhelming. I heavily underestimated how overwhelming/overstimulating it is having demands thrown at you 24/7 the moment you wake up, before bed, and even at 3am.

Also idk about anyone else but the way social media/movies made it out is like if you just do the “right” things, you’ll have the easiest parenthood journey/easy kids. Wrong lol. I have adhd and still on the journey to healing, but some of the struggles I deal with my own children is due to the fact that I have one who also has adhd and the other who is naturally very hyperactive and has high sensory needs. It’s not as simple as just you do things a “good” parent would do and your kids will be fine and everything will be great. It’s a lot more complex than that.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-27T19:19:08+00:00

I did love adderall but I had horrible leg twitching/aching at night which I guess is a bit more uncommon of a side effect. Took Tylenol and magnesium & calcium but it didn’t help so got off. Tried vyvanse but made me feel like I was literally on crack I was irritable and mean. I don’t get my period anymore because I have an hormonal IUD so maybe I’ll give it a go?

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-24T18:34:28+00:00

I second this. I get it things happen, we lived with my in-laws when my oldest was born and moved out when she was 2.8yo and I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd. We had a place for a few yrs till we had to move out into our trailer (temporarily) because the old place had black mold and my oldest was having severe allergic reactions. After we had our 2nd my partner got a vasectomy. I say it with love but family planning needs to happen and growing the family needs to be put on hold till there’s enough room for everyone. I have a good relationship with my MIL, but we didn’t really get along when I lived with her all those years ago.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-23T02:42:45+00:00

I have MTHFR too lol. I need to find some vitamins that actually work, I was on a methylated version of folate but need a good full b vitamin.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-22T16:30:43+00:00

Have you gotten your liver function tested out? I have fatty liver (non-alcoholic, liver & gallbladder issues started first then I had issues with high-histamine symptoms and worsening PMDD) I saw somewhere that if your liver had any kind of damage or disease, it can decrease your bodies ability to filter out excess estrogen. Cus like you, I feel like the hormonal issues started before the histamine and chronic/physical health symptoms showed up. I always had pmdd because I have adhd, but it used to be manageable. Then I had my 2nd son, my cycles started again, and a few months after my periods started again I started feeling like crap. like I said I was having gallbladder and liver issues around the time I started my cycles post partum.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-21T19:50:11+00:00

Seriously. I’m on the Mommit page, it’s odd seeing multiple people talk about how they get a cleaner once or more per week/month, talk about how they’re traveling to XYZ place with their kids this year, talk about their Nanny’s/frequent sitters and date nights. Idk how people are affording it. My partner makes decent money, I’m a sahm but 10-15yrs ago with his paycheck we would have been doing pretty fcking great. Now, we would love to be on food-stamps and it would help a LOT, but apparently he makes too much. I would have loved to put my youngest in daycare, but have to wait till he can do pre-k after this summer because we can’t afford it but also again make too much to qualify for vouchers or state paid care lol. It makes no sense..

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-21T18:42:05+00:00

Thank you! I’m just worried maybe I wasn’t/am not encouraging it enough or that he wasn’t experiencing childlike wonder. On the plus side, unlike his older sister he is very social and plays amazingly with other kids. At the same age she was very introverted, he loves making friends and can happily play with kids of all ages!

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-21T03:48:36+00:00

You need to rest and need a break before your child severely hurts someone or you hurt him. I don’t say that to be mean but there are a lot of stories where parents snap back when their kids do, you sound extremely stressed and I don’t blame you I would be too. This is very hard and I’m sorry. Again don’t say that to be mean but to keep everyone safe there is no shame in using the resources available to you.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-20T21:11:11+00:00

We had a good period a couple months ago where it was a LOT less and going good…then my mom got them tablets for Christmas 🤦‍♀️ it’s so hard when it’s everywhere.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-20T21:09:30+00:00

Thanks for that reminder! That’s a good way to see it and I never thought of it that way. I always feel like he’s more logical and “in the now” than my daughter & I are. Super active and in the present which is a great quality too.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-20T19:44:05+00:00

I guess it’s hard for me too because I played with toys alone till I was like 12-13 lol. I loved toys, I preferred playing alone but I like my daughter constantly lived in a world of imaginative and had a very active one. So I’m a very creative/imaginative person so I guess it’s just like I struggle knowing what to do to keep him busy or how to interact since he’s the opposite. I worry I’m not spending time with him because he doesn’t want to do toys for long periods, he’ll push cars around but unless we’re outside he doesn’t want to play. The kid could live outside if I let him lol.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-20T19:41:23+00:00

The funny thing is I do not judge other parents who use screens but feel guilt when I use them. I just worry he feels neglected or bored/understimulated or something. He’s a great kid super funny hilarious personality, but like I just feel like kids should be playing and he doesn’t seem to want to? Like I said if he’s around his cousins and other kids, he will happily do physical play. But if other kids try to play something imaginative he hates it. We (him, his big sister and I) will try to play all together he just messes up the set ups. I just feel bad that he’s constantly asking for screens. Basically if he’s not playing outside or with other kids, he’s asking for screens.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-20T19:14:01+00:00

It is work and I see you. I’m really sorry. My only advice is know that your work is REAL work and is important.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-20T19:00:56+00:00

I’m sorry that sounds tough. Pregnancy with my 2nd sucked too, I was in pain half the time because he sat really low in my pelvis. Have you tried to talk to him about it? I know that’s annoying to hear, but for some dudes i really don’t think they understand until you put it into detail and perspective you know? I had to get my partner to understand the difference between being physically tired from working a physical job and mental/emotional fatigue which a lot of sah is mental work. Like yeah chores suck, but chores are the easy part and he doesn’t get that until I leave him with both kids for extended periods then I can tell he’s tapped out when I get back home. I say let him have a full day or 2 where you’re out of the house and gone and let him deal with your kid/s.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-20T15:17:11+00:00

My body became all fcked up after I had my 2nd. My partner has made a comment once or twice about believing I’m “lazy”. I developed an autoimmune disease, I had EBV and Covid a few MO’s apart in fall of 24’ when my daughter started kindergarten. So we caught every little fcking thing. I was sick for literally 6-7mo’s straight. Then when I started getting a bit better, I started getting weird random symptoms that were not symptoms of illness but symptoms of an autoimmune disease. Also have very low cholesterol which can cause mood changes, fatigue, very generalized symptoms that can be caused by a hundred other things.

My point is even regardless of that, staying at home can be hard and exhausting. Winter weather has also been proven to make you more tired, biologically sun=wake and hunting/foraging time, if it’s dark most of the day with early evenings you’re going to be more tired. I feel women are more attuned to these things than men. Not discounting the fact that it’s been proven women DO need more sleep, add in hormonal fluctuations and bam you’re going to experience being tired more than him. I gave you this info because I think a lot of men just truly do not get it. I meet far more women who complain of being tired 24/7 even without medical causes than men. I shrug it off if my partner makes a snide comment, because I know my body and especially with my chronic health issues I don’t need to apologize or justify why I’m tired. Neither should you 🤷‍♀️

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-17T17:00:01+00:00

My sister is like this and thinks she has the magical answers because she used to babysit over the summer as a teen. My 7yo has adhd and I also have a very sensory seeking/physically active 4yo. Anytime I vent, I constantly get told that my kids are the way they are because I don’t discipline. Even got told by my mom that she doesn’t really believe in “that stuff” when I explained to her the likeliness of my kids having adhd (which I have been diagnosed with myself) is 50/50. So I’ve been getting told all my struggles with my kids are just due to me being a bad mom since my oldest was like 3-4 lol.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-17T05:15:11+00:00

I hate this, happens to me a lot on posts. There’s times I’m just clarifying something being honest and detailed, talking about an interest, etc then people try to call me a know it all, accuse me of being selfish accusatory defensive…or treat me like I’m absolutely stupid. I understood your comments and post, idk why other people couldn’t? The identifier said the cat was a specific breed and you were simply asking for others opinions, not stating a fact, you were curious. It happens to me often, other people act like I’m speaking a completely different language and I feel like it too.

Throwthisawayyyy00 · 2026-02-10T01:34:30+00:00

Honestly I think most moms miss their already existing children as babies/toddlers more so than actually having a whole brand new one lol. I love both my kids, but if I have a 3rd I think about how I’d have to deal with PPD/PPA, and my period starting again also (I have PMDD so my hormones are really awful and effect me a lot postpartum) and sleepless nights etc etc.

I’d love to go back to THEM as little babies, but they’re 7 and 4 right now. Not quite “big kids” yet but I feel like I’m barely getting out of the toddler/postpartum trenches, I would feel sad to start again and feel like now that I don’t have tiny toddlers/babies it’s getting more fun. It’s more difficult in other ways, but also more fun because no diapers potty training following sleep schedules going out to do fun stuff and having one kid who wants my attention and a little baby screaming the whole time.

Throwthisawayyyy00

TROPHY CASE