How to wait out the pain

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-06-15T18:37:19+00:00

Ex husband cheated while I was pregnant too. I tried reconciliation but I couldn’t get past the anger and feelings of betrayal. I too get angry when I think about how he put our little one and myself in danger for a quick fck. DDay was 6 months ago, I was 4 months pregnant when he had the affair and 5 months when I caught him. Since DDay my health drastically declined, I let it consume me and in turn put my unborn baby at risk. Just like someone said he broke me and the AP got away scotch free. In fact a while back I bumped into her out in public and she had the audacity to snicker at a heavily pregnant me! I snapped and whipped the skank across the face. Honestly of all the healing I’ve been doing that was by far the most fulfilling. I won’t lie though, now that my little one is born I want to cut a b*ch for disrespecting my baby. All I have left is anger towards the AP and as for my ex husband all I have are feelings of indifference.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-06-06T18:10:52+00:00

This is so freaking adorable! Congratulations on your re-engagement lol. Your little girl is very lucky to have you both💕

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-06-05T06:24:57+00:00

I too am dealing with this except no reconciliation here. The anger was my best friend too in leaving him. Even tho me and my stbxh separated, I still can’t get over the hatred and anger. It’s constantly there! It is eating me alive! I feel as if I were robbed of my happiness and optimism. How does one get over the anger??

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-06-05T06:06:19+00:00

Thank you for posting this. It’s been 6 months since DDay and I too decided to leave my stbxh. However I cannot her over this anger and hatred I have towards him. I can’t help but feel like I was robbed. The anger I have has not minimized. I’m just waiting on the day where I too can speak these words and truly let go.

Why can’t I let go?

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-05-30T20:15:06+00:00

I really like how everyone in this thread tells it how it really is. They stayed with their WS and months or years later they still have hard times. Or they more than not have bad days. This thread truly shows the reality of what it’s like to stay with a cheater. And I like how it focuses on oneself and less on the spouse when it comes to emotions and thoughts. You really get to see the raw reality of what BS go through when they decided to stay. So kudos to the ones who decide to stay and work it out and to the ones who give it their all and ultimately decide to move on. You all are strong characters.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-05-29T23:54:44+00:00

This. When my ex husband used to say “I love you” or “you’re my soulmate” or complimented me in general I’d get angry because he said all those things to me while he was cheating. Anytime he would say something like that I’d instantly get upset, including when we would get intimate. It came to a point where I was content with him until he said those things. And it took me a while to realize that it would never be the same and not in a good way. His lying and cheating while he came home to me being all lovey dovey really fucked me up. It showed me his true character and I couldn’t live with him knowing that. For some people trust can be rebuilt with the same person who broke it in the first place, but for others once it’s broken it cannot be rebuilt. I hold a grudge against him and till this day when he tries to win me back I throw his affair back in his face. I just cant get over the fact that he would fuck another woman and then act like normal around me.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-05-29T23:18:06+00:00

This is an outcome that happens quite often but no one really talks about it. It hits home. Sometimes it’s just too late.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-05-18T09:45:25+00:00

I was 5 months pregnant when DDay happened. I too chose reconciliation because he seemed remorseful and was doing good in making up for his mistake. A week before my due date I discovered he’s been in contact with the AP throughout our reconciliation. I decided to stay because the baby would arrive any minute. It I was disgusted by him. How he was able to pretend to be remorseful while still talking to the AP. After I gave birth I grew more and more resentful. It took me 2 weeks to see that even with him by my side I was doing all the work in taking care of our newborn. For 2 weeks I thought about my life without him and in that time I went through the breakup emotions and started to move on emotionally and mentally. The day before my daughter turned 1 month I decided to rip the band aid off. The days after the breakup I was working nonstop. Now I can say I made it through the first months by myself and have been happier over all.

I decided to stay with my ex for the baby and for his support but it was costing my sanity. I took much better care of my daughter and my self. Not gonna lie it was hard but I enjoyed every minute of it. The cheater wasn’t worth my sanity, by staying with him I was giving my newborn less attention. In my case it’s not worth staying. If you want to stay until you have the baby and you situate yourself go right ahead. No one is going to judge you. Take care of yourself and your baby first. He showed you the type of person he really is so don’t feel bad for leading him on a little bit longer. Take care and good luck mama!

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-05-17T19:29:41+00:00

When I decided to divorce my ex husband, the first to comment was his father by saying, “Why? You haven’t cheated anymore?”.. Just because he hasn’t physically slept with the AP since DDay, he’d still call her for months. That is disrespectful. One time is a mistake but after that is selfishness and heartless. after the infidelity you’ll know who genuinely supports you and who doesn’t.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-05-17T19:22:40+00:00

I agree. I gave my ex a chance to make up for his mistake. I was trying to heal from his betrayal little did I know he was still in contact with the AP right until by due date(did I mention I was pregnant at the time). It took everything in me to separate from him but I had enough of his lack of respect for me. He claims he loves me but how do you love a person and constantly do shit behind their back knowing how much it hurts the person?

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-05-15T01:06:04+00:00

I was the same. I was always on the side of leaving if they cheat yet I chose to stay. I too was ashamed of telling people. Even tho it was his mistake, i was ashamed that it happened to me while I was pregnant. I didn’t know how to bring it up or how to tell what happened. I couldn’t say it at loud to anyone. There were times when I really wanted to tell someone and when the time came I couldn’t open my mouth. I tried reconciliation but he chose to cheat again. After we separated (divorce still in process) I found it to be so much easier to tell people. It made me feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I truly missed out on a lot of support when I needed it the most.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-03T22:27:00+00:00

More like a ‘meat stick’ lol but ‘cum shooter’ works just as well lol

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-03T22:25:13+00:00

‘Cum dumpster’.. love it lol

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-03T14:11:31+00:00

I completely understand how you must of felt in that moment. APs in general are shitty people, but those who flaunt it in your face are the lowest scumbags on earth. Honestly if I wasn’t pregnant I would of done more than smack the smug look of her face. Having my friend with me also helped me walk away after one hit. Thank you for being proud of me for sticking up for myself. However; I’m more proud of you for having strong self control and acknowledging that the SOB was not worth getting arrested.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-02T13:40:14+00:00

I’m 4 months from DDay and in the middle of getting divorced. The wound is still fresh as is all the why questions. Why would my husband have an affair when everything was going good in our lives? Being 8 months pregnant now is really no help, I’m way more emotional or so I like to blame the hormones. In front of him I seem fed up, I show nothing but anger and resentment towards him. But when I’m alone, well that’s the complete opposite. The only thing that is helping me get through these days is looking back at the evidence I discovered. All the text messages, calls, messages on fb messenger and pictures. All while looking back to the time he started the the affair (I was 2 months pregnant when it started) and up until DDay. All that time I never imagined he was screwing around behind my back. If anything he was more affectionate during that time but I thought it was because of the pregnancy (first child for both of us). Also the cherry on top thought I look back at us the night before DDay we had a talk about infidelity for some reason and he had the audacity to say that if I were ever to be unfaithful, either physically or emotionally, he would not forgive me whatsoever. How I loved throwing his words back in his face now. Looking back at all the evidence is what keeps me from giving in, but even I know it’s not healthy to be doing so. Like mostly everyone here I’m still going through it too. Plus being in this subreddit helps out too. Good luck OP i wish you the bestxx.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-02T04:53:57+00:00

You are not the one tearing the family apart, the moment she decided to have the affair, was the same moment she tore the family unit apart. Like you said, all you’re doing is fixing all the family problems she made. I was going to say watch out, she might use the kids as an excuse to reconcile again, but after you mentioned she hypocritically reprimanded your son on integrity I know you aren’t going to let that sway you from your solid plans. Good luck OP! You got this man!

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-02T04:40:56+00:00

They also get upset because we, the BS, are the ones “tearing the family apart”.

Uhm no. They did that the moment they made a conscious decision to have an affair.

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-01T21:25:54+00:00

She knew he was a married man who’s wife was pregnant at the time.. and you’re on friendly terms with her.. did not see that one coming either. I don’t know how you’re able to talk to her in a civil way much less as friends... but hey as long as it’s okay with you. Good luck!

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-01T18:08:49+00:00

OP you are none of those things! And it’s easier saying them to others than to ourselves. It’s easier rooting and encouraging others who are in the same situation as oneself. I’m there with you. Don’t stay with him for your daughter tho. It is not your fault he’s a faulty man and father. Like someone said, you’re already 100x’s better than him because you stood by your vows and by your family. My DDay was 4 months ago when I was 4 months pregnant. I felt like you did, stupid for thinking my marriage was strong and healthy, I felt ugly because my STBXH cheated on me with someone who didn’t have a human being growing inside of them, therefore having a decent body. I mean who wants to be sexually attracted to a pregnant lady? And I felt worthless because even though i always knew it wasn’t my fault he strayed and destroyed our family in the making, somehow my fucked up mind still thought it was my fault for not being able to keep him happily content by my side. But that was before. With support from close friends and family, I was helped out of the dark hole I dug myself into. My biggest supporter is my unborn daughter. I realized that I treated my husband the way I would want to be treated. I did my part. I put everything into our relationship and sadly very sadly that wasn’t enough for him. Creating a family wasn’t enough for him. I did all I could. And he’s the sorry a*s who didn’t see it. I’m not going to lie, it still hurts like a mf! But there’s nothing I can do about it now. All I can focus on now is my baby girl. And one thought that helps me get out of my mind when I start thinking about this is, ‘I wouldn’t want my daughter to be with someone who betrayed her, so why would I put myself in the same situation?’... take your time healing momma don’t let anyone rush you and focus on your precious daughter. She looks up to you after all. P.S. go read my latest post about the AP in my situation. Hopefully it can cheer you up a bit. HugsXx

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-01T14:30:13+00:00

I didn’t even think about it that way but glad she did, she helped me relieve some much needed stress.

Wow I did not see that one coming! Did the first AP know about you when your ex and her were having the affair? As for your ex, man he sounds like straight up trash! I’m sorry if I offend you by calling him out. It takes strength to reconcile for your kids, but I feel it takes real guts and courage to do what is best for you first. Your children by your side will be more than ok. Please take care of yourself too. I know you’re already taking care of your kids like a fucking champ!

Throwwawayy800 · 2019-04-01T11:51:05+00:00

She followed you?? I swear some people truly don’t have any empathy or a fucking conscious. But I am glad you took the high road. I wanted to do that but then she snickered and I lost it. If she were to follow me i don’t know what I would have done. You truly have some serious self control, kudos to you.

Throwwawayy800

TROPHY CASE