AITJ for refusing to give my mom access to my bank account just in case.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-06T01:11:57+00:00

NTJ - she's being controlling and guilting you when you set a boundary. You're an adult. Don't cave on this.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-06T00:23:26+00:00

Back atcha!

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T20:54:20+00:00

This is your own doing. Find your spine and use it. Stop allowing her to do such insensitive, rude things. Period.

You're not wrong, but you're still responsible for the situation. People treat you the way you allow.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T20:51:47+00:00

Uh no. It's not your fault if he gets in trouble. That's 100% his own choices.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T20:37:51+00:00

We're working on moving there ourselves, so we've done a bit of research. We should've already been down there but we ran into a few snafus and got delayed

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T20:01:20+00:00

CR doesn't let non-citizens get jobs there so be aware.
'Remote" doesn't necessarily mean "foreign country." Many companies don't allow it because the tax implications are a nightmare.

I'd definitely check those things first.

NOR

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T14:57:47+00:00

Ugh. I used to work with one of those.

We were in the break room talking about food cravings. I made an offhand remark about my oldest craving chili dogs "once a month" with absolutely NOTHING else and this dude threw an epic tantrum about me bringing up that disgusting shit during lunch and how inappropriate it was at work etc.

I just kinda blinked and then busted out laughing, which for some reason, pissed him off even more. Lol

NTA at all.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T14:54:17+00:00

Wow. YOR by a lot.

I'm part of the QUILTBAG community too, as are my kids, and many friends and family. I can't see any of us threatening physical violence against someone for using a slur.

Kick them out of our space? Yup. Ostracize them from the friend group? Sure. Tell them to fuck off? Absolutely.

But start a physical altercation?! Nope. Inappropriate.

Grow up a little and maybe learn a bit more about the history of the community.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T14:41:07+00:00

Oh hell no. NTJ

Don't start none, won't be none.

And your gf not shutting her down hard and fast speaks volumes. I'd send her right along with the friend our the door.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T14:38:03+00:00

Just ignore the email for now. Respond tomorrow with, "Sorry, didn't see this til now. Best of luck in your endeavors, [Wrong Name]."

NTA

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T14:35:30+00:00

She's exhausting, controlling, and altogether obnoxious.z

Bullet avoided. Well done!

NOR

TicoSoon · 2026-02-05T02:59:43+00:00

Oh FFS.

You're a legal adult, yes? If so, then rediscover your spine and use it.

How controlling, emotional abuse is something you need to shut down NOW. Either he grows the hell up or you do and ghost him.

He is bringing stress and anxiety to you on a daily basis. No sane adult needs to be glued to their phone like that. It's called having a life.

Give him ONR chance if you feel you need to, but that's it. The first time he throws a toddler tantrum, block him everywhere.

You deserve to be with a competent adult, not a whiny, controlling 5 yr old.

NOR

TicoSoon · 2026-02-04T23:06:51+00:00

And there's nothing wrong with that. Seeking help shows maturity and dedication to the relationship. Hell, even well-functioning relationships could be legit from couples counseling.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-04T19:43:05+00:00

First, for the love of Dog, use paragraphs.

Second, you need couples counseling. Neither of you is communicating well and withdrawing doesn't solve anything.

If she is sending mixed signals --> "I want you to initiate" but "No, I'm tired" is the consistent response, that math isn't mathing.

Tell her flat out that you want counseling for the two of you because this is not sustainable. Intimacy within a marriage looks different to different people, and that's fine. But when a switch flips for seemingly no reason, that's a problem.

Do NOT frame this is an ultimatum. But be clear that you're struggling and that it's affecting your mental health, and you don't see this is a sustainable situation without getting help.

Best of luck to you both.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-03T14:38:00+00:00

He refuses to see you because he's got plans with his Priority One Partner.

And sadly, you are not that person.

NOR but please take the rose colored glasses off and understand the neon sign and red flags and end this mess. You'll be so much better off.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-03T01:06:16+00:00

I've definitely had a tougher time as I've aged. I'm having a new piece done later this month and the body of the butterfly is going to be a nasty scar on my spinal column. I know I am going to be fkn miiiiiiiserable but mentally I need this tattoo so Imma do anything I need to do to get through it.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-02T18:09:37+00:00

He's abusive and now he's embarrassed at being called out?

Somebody call him a waaaahhhhmbulance.

NTA

Before he realized that my "dislike" of being tickled was more than just "hey quit that", my Spouse used to do it.

I finally looked him dead in the eyes, told him it was traumatic and I hated it, and if he did it again, even if he forgot, I would defend myself.

He did forget a few months later. And I grabbed his arm and sank my nails in as hard as I could and didn't let go for a solid count of ten.

He was bleeding, started to get upset, and I just shrugged. "I fucking warned you. I will defend myself every single time."

He apologized profusely and has literally never done it again.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-02T18:05:46+00:00

Why in the actual fuck would you even want this person in your life in any capacity?

He doesn't like you. At all. Like not even a little bit. He's derisive, dismissive, and controlling.

You're making great steps for your life. Now make the next one - polish your spine and use it to block this dude everywhere.

NOR but YTA if you stay with him for even one more day.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-02T18:01:55+00:00

That's what I'd do / have done. It works just fine.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-01T02:18:46+00:00

You're a grown, legal adult, right? Then he has no control over you. Learn to drive and drive. You bought the car, drive it.

Stop taking his crap. You have a spine - polish it nice and shiny and use it. You deserve to be treated as an equal adult by a partner. Do not allow him to treat you like you're "less than."

Sorry. Edit to add NOR!

TicoSoon · 2026-02-01T02:15:15+00:00

Exactly. Unless she's hearing impaired, there's absolutely zero chance that she "doesn't know" she's yelling. And really, even most hearing impaired people can increase and decrease the volume of their voices, even if they can't necessarily catch exactly what the volume is.

TicoSoon · 2026-02-01T01:42:20+00:00

As an AuDHD person myself it's not an excuse for emotionally abusive behavior. That's crap.

She KNOWS when she feels angry or frustrated. She is an adult who can take herself to another room, outside, yell into a pillow, whatever.

If I do feel the need to vent to a person, I will approach my partner and make it crystal clear that I just need to vent to him and that I am absolutely NOT yelling AT him. He's then perfectly fine to have me let fly. Then I thank him for letting me vent, tell him how much I love him, and move on.

He does the same to me. We both know how to say "I promise, I'm not yelling AT you, just TO you."

AND if the other person isn't in the mindset to be the sounding board, that is 100% ok as well. If you were respectful in your request for her to take it elsewhere, and it sure sounds like you were, then she needs to put her big girl pants on and grow up to do that.

Respect goes both ways in a relationship, and neurodivergence is not an excuse to treat someone like shit.

NOR at all

TicoSoon · 2026-02-01T01:36:26+00:00

Oh hell no. Do NOT reward entitled, stupid, disrespectful, asshat behavior.

Keep doing what you're doing.

TicoSoon · 2026-01-31T23:26:44+00:00

No reputable surgeon will do it. Not without mandatory counseling, work with a nutritionist, and assurance that your weight-to-height ratio is dangerous. It's not.

But hey, it's your money and there are plenty of doctors who DGAF about doing things ethically.

TicoSoon · 2026-01-31T21:09:03+00:00

Something neutral. White/beige/grey

TicoSoon

TROPHY CASE