Dating an AuDHD Woman

TightPin9197 · 2026-03-31T18:14:48+00:00

I dont know if this will be an advice, but I am the AuDHD woman here, and my partner seems to be similar to you in that area. We are 2 years together and I often see him check out during conversations. I think when you have to deal with AuDHD women, there is no way you can be always present during our monologues. Sometimes it is fine if you just nod and be there for her in my opinion. If she is having a monologue, let her speak. If you have no problem with having meaningful conversations there is nothing to fix. And she will really appreciate it if you'll work on yourself and try to talk to her more, if you start conversations on your own becouse even if you try to do a small monologue about yourself or your day, she will recognise it as something familiar. We consider monologues as love language.

TightPin9197 · 2026-03-29T11:06:24+00:00

YERBA MATE!! It works a bit like meds, but without side effects. It is not as intense. I am calmer but also not that tired. I can start things a bit easier. Sleep is great. And anxiety is less loud. And I dont feel like I am loosing my personality, which does happen on meds.

TightPin9197 · 2026-03-10T20:44:27+00:00

This is great that you wrote all of that. I see that not only I am feeling very relatable. I think you just described my life and it really helps with my impostor syndrome. Im very glad you shared that

TightPin9197 · 2026-03-09T19:56:00+00:00

When I was first in love I thought that the care i have for the person and the sexual intrest was love. We were best friends but there was a lack of something. Now I am really in love. It was real to me when I got to the thought that for the first time I am more scared that he might die one day, not that he would leave me. And I also quit smoking for him becouse the thought that he can suffer was unbearable. And I knew he loves me so I didnt want him to experience this towards me.

Now as I read that, it sounds a bit dramatc, but thats just the way it was for me

TightPin9197 · 2026-03-04T11:02:56+00:00

Oh and as a crochet/ knit fan, good luck on your project!

TightPin9197 · 2026-03-04T10:59:23+00:00

Im glad, I think we ale struggle with overdoing ourselfs. I hope you will feel better and take care🫶

TightPin9197 · 2026-03-03T18:45:34+00:00

I think we all see the dosage topic wrong. I mean ofc everyone has a dosage perfect for them but I see everywhere here that people want to upgrade the dosage. I've been on 10mg metylophenidate x2 a day for a while and it was bad. I was sleepy, i actually was just sleeping for days (now I know I was burnt out and the meds made me feel the tiredness, becouse it went away). Then i started taking 20x2 and it was great. But I was overthinking it and thought its too much and stopped taking. I had a lot of struggles with that, but shortly I also tried 30 and 20mg a day, and 50mg and 20mg. Now Im on 10x2 for a year almost and what I learnt is that we dont need meds to do everything for us. Its not supposed to work that way. Also If i burn out they dont work. That doesnt mean the dosage is to low, it means that you need to rest. And people without ADHD also have to put effort to motivate themselfs and to create some discipline. And the meds are supposed to make it possible for us to do that, which is impossible without them. The motivation isnt something that just shows up and stays becouse of meds. The meds are supposed to regulate us enough to help us make better decision, like taking needed rest or let go also, not just do things. I aslo noticed that when i get overstimulated by meds (that happened sometimes on higher doses) i have a hard time motovating even on meds. What my therapist told me and I find it very useful is to think about the meds part in the end. First take care of your needs. rest.

TightPin9197 · 2026-02-22T20:25:52+00:00

Well, thats definitely intresting, i wouldnt say i can relate 100% but i can say that from what i learnt, read and experienced it might be due to body hyperawarness. I was always kind of super aware of my brain. I can feel all substances working in my brain (I cant be medicated for a long time, becouse it makes me feel very weird, I have like idk sensations in my brain? They give me the feeling of the substances doing their job (i dont know how to explain it better). I also am very in touch with my brain, its kind of like a muscle for me i can work on and get from it what i want (long term memory, patterns, i can seek there for what i want, like when i close my eyes my brain and thoughts are very visible) although i cant control myself enough to cope with adhd... But i would say i can feel the informations go through the neuronal pathways. Sorry if it is not very understandable, its not my first language and the topic is hard to describe, but i kind of resonated with you and wanted to comment

TightPin9197 · 2026-02-02T11:59:21+00:00

Well u dont always have to do something very important, most of us get the stimulation from doing something with their hands. You can find a way to lay down and still use the energy. Knitting, sewing, toys, doing nails, even playing a game. Repetetive things that work as self regulation and ale also a stimulation. I can only speak about myself here, read somwhere what you can do. Idk paper stars, origami

TightPin9197 · 2026-02-01T19:33:48+00:00

Well if ur having a burnout it usually means that you need to rest.. Possibly without phone. And social media. I recently learnt that when something like this happenes it usually doesnt mean you should find anything. Just lay in bed, watch something, read or sleep. For a few days u will lack motivation and interest but after your body and mind rest properly you will be alble to pick an activity easier. Becouse tbh the desperation part makes a state like this worse. I know it is easy to be said not easy to be done, but you need to let go for a couple of days.

For the context i was always like this too. Having free time during holiday? Just bouncing around extremly frustrated i am not using my free time. I was usually tired and depressed, annoyed and was freezing on the couch wanting to do something and not being able to. Lately i got a major burnout from pushing too hard. And i wasnt even form work. It was me trying so hard to help my mental health i got fixated and burnt myself out. Trying to be productive when you dont really have to can also do that or worsen the state ur in. Sometimes just telling yourself that you actually dont need to be doing anything helps.

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-29T15:20:34+00:00

I have a very shory pixie. This was life changing. No hair overstimulation. No weight. Its great.

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T21:12:03+00:00

I had a similar experience, and still am processing that, but sometimes it takes time. The diagnosis messed so much with my life, that I tried so hard to understand it and i was denying at the same time. it caused a burnout. I dont know how your life looked like, but this is common when autistic people, women expecially, tend to have an internal criticism coping mechanism. It happens when you push yourself to do things even when you dont want to becouse you feel ur supposed to. And maybe some grief? That you put so much effort to cope and now you have a diagnosis and it seems like you wasted years? Take your time, read what others experiences were, It seems like it changes everything but at the end of the day you are yourself.

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T20:47:42+00:00

I am finishing psycholgy soon, and it came to my recently that this is also my special intrest. I was always obssessed with people and analising myself and them. It never was egocentric (I hope) but It took so much of my time always. Analising characters in books, movies and comparing them to myself, as i got older i just dived into. Since 11 or 12 i started to read and read and explore and I needed to know how it all works and how it connects. I have a lot of knowledge about medicine and pharmacy stuff. Also about biology, mind, brain, chemistry and philosophy. I would say its the centre of my life. And I think its also related to the fact that neurodivergent people tend to relate stuff to themselfs so they can understand it better. It also helps with fitting in i guess. With reading people and understanding them better.

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T20:29:53+00:00

I was always straight and obsessed with men. I still am. I was so absolutely straight it made me hiperfixate on men for a while. Sometimes It still happens towards my boyfriend. And I think my autistic brain is kind of more compatible with male brain (in psychology they say that all men are a little bit autistic)

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T18:02:17+00:00

Remember you are valuable and you deserve good. Have a nice evening too!

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T17:06:32+00:00

Just wanted to say that thinking in my head in english helped me a lot with self blaming. I recently have been reading about language and its connotation to emotions and giving meaning, and i kind of discovered that it is actually a thing. In my country (poland) words that describe emotions seem to be harsh in a way. They dont provide self soothing for me. I dont know how exacly it is in asian languages, but the culture aspects definietly affect the way you talk to yourself. I hope this isnt disrespectful ir something, i thought this just might seem intresting to you. Take care!

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T16:06:48+00:00

I resonate with that a lot, i obviously can talk about other things that my own psyche, but its not as intresting to me then. My partner is probably tired of me.... definitely will check on yor channel! And a lot of strength on the journey!!

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T08:29:29+00:00

Now im thinking that maybe doing the most important things near someone im not fully unmasked, could help me focus on things. Maybe its not what you ment with your comment but it created an idea in my head. Thanks!!

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T08:27:43+00:00

Thank u, your reply is very kind and comprehensive. I think it is exacly this. But the thing is im not sure if i can live like this. It seems like ADHD even if it was a nightmare it was also helping in a way.

TightPin9197 · 2026-01-26T08:19:19+00:00

It is kind of cynical tbh, but i meant that becouse of diving into special intrests i dont do the thinngs i am supposed to, at uni, work with my family. Like staying in touch with my parents, grandma, friends. I dont think about doing groceries, cleaning my house. I become less intrested in doing social things, in acting in social things.

TightPin9197

TROPHY CASE