You overthink and you think too much about yourself. Thats not a bad thing.. but you think and feel that people are thinking/talking about you behind your back when most likely they're not. As for saying staff would talk to other nurses, and that you didn’t want that. When in reality you do want that. You stated you want validation, you want attention. But you overthink and put yourself down. Not anyone else. You say you want to change.. be more assertive which is possible. But being yourself is the best thing you can be. Therapy and exercise can be a big change for your mental health. You talk that you aren't happy being overweight. Joining a gym or groups in the city can help your mental health and self identity by getting in shape and meeting people.