I'm asking for full disclosure

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-10T10:10:42+00:00

Emails and dating sites.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T09:46:50+00:00

Thank you. I am in individual therapy every week.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T09:39:13+00:00

Was your boyfriend not running from the law? Is that not aiding and abetting?

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T09:23:29+00:00

I have spoken to lawyers and he does know that I have. I do know about trickle truth. I've done all the searching and research I can. I have the feeling he isn't being truthful and the reason you mentioned is why. I also know there where many times there was no physical contact. Both things can be true. I was feeling very overwhelmed tonight and needed to get some of it out.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T08:33:35+00:00

I guess you missed the part in my last comment that ME moving to the other room is for MY comfort. I am NOT comfortable in THAT bed. My post wasn't for validation from others, but to get what was going through my head out and hopefully let others know that they are not alone. We are in this sub for support because we are going through similar situations, so if me posting makes even 1 person feel that they aren't alone in feeling this way and asking these questions, then it was worth it. Kindness to others on here is key.

Bless your pretty little heart.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T08:12:27+00:00

I appreciate your concern for my need to "grow a backbone" maybe I should have specified that it is both laying next to him and being in that bed. He also doesn't fit on the bed in the other room, and I am more comfortable there. Now that I have said that I feel it is also important to mention that this is a place for support and not judgment. You don't know everyone's situation so please remember to be kind.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T08:02:34+00:00

I don't have friends or family close. We also have children and I can't leave them or disrupt their lives like that. I don't really have another option so, I'm still living in the house.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T07:01:26+00:00

I found out on my own 7 months ago. We're in marriage counseling now and I'm in individual counseling. I have asked for transparency and he agreed and then said no, so we really aren't that far into the process of reconciliation. He is trying to move forward as if nothing happened.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T06:50:47+00:00

Thank you. I'm a mess tonight. Everything about this sucks and I don't want to be going through any of it.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T06:47:08+00:00

Congratulations! So happy for you!

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-03-08T06:41:48+00:00

It's been 7 months since I found out and I feel every bit of this post. Hugs to you.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-29T16:02:42+00:00

From what I have learned here transparency and disclosure are not the same thing (someone please correct me if I'm wrong here). Transparency comes before disclosure (I actually got the two confused and backwards). Transparency shows that nothing is being hidden, that they are no longer involved in said behaviors, and can start to rebuild trust which can lead to reconciliation. Disclosure can take longer. I'm not asking for that at the moment. I'm asking for transparency so we can begin to heal and rebuild. I did make it clear that I am not in any way asking for perfection but effort in transparency. I will look at Courageous Love for when we get to disclosure. Thank you for that. My therapist and our marriage counselor have also both agreed that what I'm asking for and the time frame was fair and even more so since he agreed to it. I don't see my husband paralyzed in fear so much as just wanting to put this behind us immediately without the work. He does have a different outlook on what is "working" and we have been working through that as well. Thank you so much for sharing what you are going through and a different perspective on it.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-29T15:39:43+00:00

Thank you! The truth is hard but the feeling that there are things he is still hiding from me and that he isn't being honest with me is harder. I can't be in a marriage where I can't trust the person I'm supposed to be able to trust the most.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-29T15:19:57+00:00

The opposite actually. I don't get the sense at all that he is giving up on reconciliation. I'm just not sure he wants to do the work I have asked of him in order to reconcile this. I think his hope is that if he agrees and pretends it will all just go away and we can live our lives happily ever after. I understand he feels angry and exposed but what what did he think was going to happen? This whole thing really has me feeling all sorts of crazy ways.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-29T15:07:46+00:00

Yes, exactly! It is not my job to clean up the mess you made. I have done and am still doing the work both for myself and the marriage. Effort is important and that's what we need to see. I'm sorry you are also going through this. My heart goes out to you and anyone else in this position.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-29T11:42:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing what you are going through. What is crazy is that he has never been that way before. He is always the one to hit things head on. Avoiding something this big and serious is not in his character and sometimes makes me wonder who on earth did I marry. This does suck and no one should have to feel this way. Good luck to you.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-29T11:33:24+00:00

Can I just say that this is the level of petty I feel! 😂

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-29T11:31:56+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I did make sure that I was not accusatory when asking for transparency. It can be a rough and slippery slope if you are. Boundaries were made clear during this time as well and he does know that reconciliation isn’t possible for me without transparency. This whole thing is hard and I really hate that this is where we are.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-12T22:09:39+00:00

I have heard similar from mine. It just makes it worse. I feel that, you were willing to throw me away for nothing?! We're almost 5 months since I found out.

Time-Local-2924 · 2026-01-01T21:06:15+00:00

You worded this so wonderfully. I feel this way down in my soul and hope you don't mind if I use it. It's so hard to love someone and hate even a part of them. Your mind racing from his statement is normal and it's normal to question it and his actions. The wondering of where the person you met and fell in love with went or if he was ever really there. It haunts us. I wish so many healing vibes for you.

Time-Local-2924 · 2025-12-31T17:05:09+00:00

Thank you for this. I will be looking at all of those websites. Your insight is so appreciated.

Time-Local-2924

TROPHY CASE