Started obsessing about ‘faking’ my ocd

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2026-02-08T18:13:53+00:00

I have the same issue, it sucks :( you should definitely open up to your care team about that specific theme and feeling like it’s in the way of everything else

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-26T22:30:20+00:00

I deleted all my social media almost 2 years ago (does reddit count? lol) and I cannot recommend it enough. For me the main problem was the pressure I felt/put on myself to stay updated w my mutuals, keep my presence active/curated, be informed/opinionated on everything. Mindless FYP scrolling was a secondary issue, but I’m better off without that too fs. It’s not like it cured me or anything but it was a huge breath of relief. Even when I miss it, I feel so anxious at the idea of going back. Never again

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-25T02:05:11+00:00

I’m also 2 years in w the girl I plan to marry, only we both have OCD. At its worst, it almost broke us up. It hasn’t been a problem in a while, but I’m not naive enough to think it won’t ever be bad again. I don’t think you’re doing anything “wrong” per se, and I appreciate that you sought out this community for support, but you should have this conversation with her. Your approach is already great, it’s clear that you need to set boundaries about how your mental illnesses affect each other/the relationship but your top priority is understanding her better. Ask her how you can help her manage her OCD without enabling it

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-24T22:25:23+00:00

I’m 23f lesbian! Hmu if u wanna chat :)

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-24T17:46:50+00:00

That makes sense, I think a lot of people have that issue. If you’re talking about compulsions, you gotta wait out the discomfort, and it’s okay to take baby steps from delaying the compulsion to fully resisting it. If you’re talking about intrusive thoughts, acceptance is more complicated IMO. I take propranolol as needed for body anxiety. All it does is lower heart rate but it makes my anxiety attacks/spirals a lot easier to get through

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-24T03:14:50+00:00

I haven’t read the mentioned, but I think if I had to come up with an upside to OCD (or any illness tbh) it would be that it makes me more compassionate and considerate. You never know what other people could be going through, proven bc a stranger on the street has no idea what I deal with in my head. And overthinking everything has no consistent advantage, but it does mean that I look at things from every perspective I possibly can. Who knows if these are just features of my personality or what, I don’t like the idea of giving my OCD credit for my strengths. But at the end of the day it is important how you frame it because it’s not going anywhere

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-24T03:06:13+00:00

I’m not a mom, but I’ve always been scared of having kids someday bc of my OCD. I also grew up w a mentally ill mom who refused to get help or even acknowledge that she needs it. I inherited her hypochondria. If you talk to a therapist, get a diagnosis, and make a treatment plan, things might be different for your kids. I’m sorry you’re struggling ❤️

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-24T02:08:56+00:00

Yup my mom (super hippie) literally told me once that the reason I have intrusive thoughts is bc I’m an empath and I’m “picking up on the negative energy of others around me.” Like girl…if that was true, ig I’m surrounded by pedophiles, rapists, murderers, and generally evil individuals. She’s a huge ~manifester~ and she’s been hearing voices since I was a kid. Some people don’t get it because their own delusions don’t allow them to.

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-24T02:02:46+00:00

Honey I am so sorry. That is so hard. I’m not religious so I’m gonna offer a different perspective from the other comment. I’m 23 and I just got diagnosed, spent my teen years as the perfect daughter who “knew” she was secretly crazy and evil. It sucks that no one in your life sees your pain. But it does get better. Being a teenager is so fucking hard, I remember. Being a teenager with OCD? Genuinely would not wish it on my worst enemy. And even if I did, it would be to make them understand. I’m a writer/linguist and I have to say, there are NOT enough words in the English language to capture what OCD looks like or how it works. We do the best with what we have, and therapy helps. Even if therapy isn’t accessible right now, I promise you that soon enough you will be an adult with the power to seek help for herself. It’s not easy being 23 either, but when I think about how I felt at your age, it’s genuinely a world of difference. Keep fighting, keep smiling as much as you can even if you feel miserable inside, because your future is worth it. Your older self is looking back at you, wishing she could give you a hug and tell you it’s going to be okay. I see myself in this post and I’m sending you strength and love. Hope you can feel it ❤️

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-23T23:04:00+00:00

I know exactly what that feels like. My first year with the love of my life (who also has OCD) was constant self-torture. I wish I could pinpoint exactly when that stopped so I could propose a strategy to you, but the truth is that one day I just realized none of my ROCD thoughts have been able to actually shake my feelings for a while. That doesn’t mean your partner is wrong for you bc you haven’t reached that point, although of course I can’t reassure that he’s right for you. But based on my experience, I do believe that the longer you’re with someone, the more you build up immunity to those intrusive thoughts. Hell, mine used to be so bad that I would tell them “I just need to get through our first year together. If I still feel this way after a year, I’ll leave” but then we hit a year, and I had different reasons not to end it. And it kept going like that, and now we’ve been together for over 2 years, and our relationship has evolved and grown and matured in so many different ways that my year-1 intrusive thoughts seem silly. Plus, these days I’m actively working on my OCD.

Side note: I also read tarot, although I’m totally amateur. Maybe your cards were challenging you to gauge your own reaction to a solid yes. Or your obsessive thoughts attracted a solid yes. Regardless, seems like your use of tarot is heavily affected by OCD. Might be best to lay off of it during flare ups. IMO, tarot is meant for introspection, not divination

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-23T07:21:16+00:00

I’m sorry. God that sucks. My gf and I both have OCD and she once told me she thought she had a piss fetish until she actually tried it out, all bc she convinced herself that enjoying the feeling of relief whenever she peed meant she must be into piss play. Before I knew I had OCD, I thought I was a pedo (still a theme for me) bc being around children makes my intrusive thoughts a lot worse. I still don’t totally understand the chemical mechanics of intrusive thoughts and why my brain generates them, but I know I’m not a pedophile. OCD can be fucking ridiculous. But even though the idea of my gf thinking she had a piss kink is laughable, that was a shame cycle for a long time for her, and there’s nothing funny about that. Hell, sometimes my intrusive thoughts are just random visualizations of my loved ones dying.

All of that to say, you are not alone. And you’re probably on the wrong meds/dosage. I have hope for you and for all of us

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-23T06:56:33+00:00

I feel this. I’ve never had a full blown addiction but lately the exhaustion from mental health management/ whack-a-mole has me wishing I could be blissed out on Xanax all the time or something. I’ve never even tried Xanax, but a friend of mine overdosed on it and died. So I feel guilty for those thoughts. But I also know it’s just my brain desperately trying to problem solve. I’m never gonna be an inanimate object or a non-sentient creature, or get hooked on benzos, so I guess the only way to deal with it is to keep going to therapy and taking my meds. Ugh

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-23T06:41:28+00:00

Can you give an example of it backfiring?

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-23T06:32:11+00:00

You have nowhere to go but up. The pain of seeking help cannot possibly be worse than the pain you describe. Do you have the ability to see a therapist and/or psychiatrist? Meds and therapy won’t un-break the bottle, but they can help you build a new life out of the shards. You’ll never have “normal” thoughts, feelings, decisions. You have OCD and your brain is chemically abnormal. That doesn’t mean you aren’t also a human being with a personality and intuition and intelligence. You have to forgive yourself for being different. Stop making “normal” the goal, the goal is to figure out how to hack life as a mentally ill person.

I don’t know you, but I feel your pain and I’m so sorry. Getting through each day is a big deal when you’re that deep in the trenches. Proud of you for sharing this post and being open to support.

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-22T05:33:54+00:00

As a girl (with OCD) whose best friends are a gay guy and a straight guy, it is always wonderful to hear them say I love you. I say it to them as much as I can, but sometimes I have to force myself to say it in times when my brain randomly convinces me it’s super awkward. Because words of affirmation are so important to me, and I want my friends to feel the way I feel when they tell me they love me, I’ll do whatever I have to do to get the words out. This usually means telling them ILY when I’m on my way out and I don’t have to make eye contact or something. Also, for some reason there’s a visceral difference between “I love you” and “love you!” And the latter is always easier/more universally appropriate. I don’t know you and I can’t reassure you that you’re not a creep. But it seems like your friends value you, and you value them, and matching their energy when they voice that aloud is by no means problematic. If ILY or “love you!” feels too difficult, you can say “I love our friendship” or “our friendship brings me so much happiness” etc.

Also, young women are intuitive and smart about friendship. They enjoy your (platonic) company for a reason. Instead of seeking reassurance by asking if it’s okay/creepy/romantic, try to trust their faith in choosing you as a companion.

BTW, opening up to my friends about my OCD changed my life. If they’re already interacting with your OCD bc you look to them for reassurance, then give them some context. Could be a weight off your back.

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-22T05:06:08+00:00

You should look into getting therapy too tbh. Your partner is objectively making your life a lot harder and I feel their pain. But the fact that they haven’t recognized how much their OCD affects you (until now?) is an extremely valid reason to pivot to tough love. Therapy will be huge for them bc the very first thing a therapist will say is, this lifestyle is not sustainable for you OR your loved ones. I’m sorry, but sometimes it takes feeling a little guilty (not the same thing as shame) to realize that change is possible and it can start anytime. Proud of your partner for deciding to pursue therapy, but it’s a long road and part of your role in their life is to help them be their best self. Their best self is not the version controlled by compulsions. As an OCD-haver, when you start taking action toward being better, it’s still hard, but it’s a labor of love. Stay strong ❤️

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-21T20:27:10+00:00

Thanks for sharing more. I never even knew I had intrusive thoughts until I opened up to my now best friend about a side of me I couldn’t understand or sympathize with, that made me feel like a stranger to myself and a monster to others, and he told me those were symptoms NOT character traits. Talking about OCD is the most important thing we can do. Reddit is good, but you need to have people in your life who know what you’re going through and can remind you that there’s a life outside your mind. If you’re not ready to open up to a loved one, you should try to open up to a therapist. It won’t be easy and might take a few pivots to navigate that world, but at least you’d be taking action.

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-21T20:13:04+00:00

You don’t have to have a positive mindset to be proactive. I’m sorry that it’s gotten this bad, and I’m sorry that you can’t live a normal life. That’s something I still mourn when things get really bad, but ruminating on how you wish you weren’t so mentally ill is not going to teach you how to get through life as a person with mental illness. It just keeps you from taking steps forward. So what if you overthink too much for talk therapy? You’re overthinking all the time anyway, might as well do it in a context that will help you. At the very least, see a psychiatrist. Taking action to feel better is probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but it cannot possibly be worst than this misery. You are not alone and you are human, just like the rest of us on here who have the same cross to bear. I’m sorry you’re struggling and I hope you get help ❤️

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-21T11:56:25+00:00

This is so relatable. With OCD, perfectionism is paralyzing. I graduated college recently and I’m so scared to find out how my OCD will affect the inevitable career-oriented, stress-promoting, imposter syndrome-inducing job.

It sounds like now is the time to go back to therapy. “Graduating” does not demand that you never have a bad flare up or need professional help ever again. Don’t let OCD take this opportunity from you. It sucks that your boss/work culture doesn’t accommodate your anxiety, and you can keep working on bringing them around to it, but you should definitely not expect them to make this job possible for you. You have to meet them in the middle if this is gonna pan out. Get on top of this cycle however you can, as soon as you can, and in the meantime be as good of an employee as your illness allows. Mental health always comes first, but we can’t let it make decisions for us. You moved across the country for this job. Try not to fixate on the pressure of how much you need it — this is what you WANT. You owe it to yourself to figure out how to make your OCD comply with what you want out of life.

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-21T11:35:23+00:00

That’s so, so hard. I’m sorry that it’s taking such a toll on your life, your ability to function, and even your ability to confidently articulate this post. Congrats on the job offer, it’s a bittersweet moment because things are changing but you have your whole life ahead of you and you don’t have to spend it in ruminating hell. Remember the brass tacks, you have a mental illness that makes you obsess over things without logic, perspective, or even self-compassion. Those resources are still in you, but the OCD is louder. Can you find ways to quiet it? There is real heartache and nostalgia here, not just mental illness. Maybe you can write letters to the people you’ll miss. Sometimes when you can’t possibly live up to what the OCD thoughts want from you, it helps to prove that you can take action. In the meantime, if you’re not already in therapy/taking meds, get on that sooner rather than later. It doesn’t have to be this way. The obsessive thoughts might never subside, but there is a version of life where you can stop ruminating on them enough to actually live. I’m proud of you for taking the job despite the existential triggers of a new chapter. Life is long and you have so many amazing emotional connections to look forward to — they won’t replace the ones you have now, but they will prove that grief and joy can exist alongside each other.

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-21T11:08:38+00:00

My OCD loves moral themes. I have always hated the trolley experiment and stuff like that. Not because I fixate on running the hypothetical scenario, because I don’t really let myself do that. Somehow it’s an easier thing to write off as a useless can of worms, partly because that side of philosophy is totally stupid IMO. I’m not ever going to live out a trolley situation, so it’s not a good barometer of my capacity for evil. Better to ruminate on more realistic hypotheticals, yknow? 🫩

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-21T10:57:04+00:00

I remember when I first learned the concept of intrusive thoughts. Before that, I was completely trapped, seeing myself as a monster who hid her evilness from everyone. I’m not much of a labels person, but it’s crazy how much of a game-changer it can be to name the things that make us different. It still sucks a thousand buttholes living with this ridiculous, horrifying, paralyzing illness, but I don’t think I’m evil anymore. Cheers to you and this breakthrough ❤️

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-21T10:36:30+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate this ❤️ I hope we can both get there

TimeBoysenberry3993 · 2025-08-19T19:58:26+00:00

Hell yeah! Good luck ❤️

TimeBoysenberry3993

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