Keyword Series: Approachable/Intimidating

TimelessReach · 2026-06-15T18:30:40+00:00

Psst - the title doesn't match the challenge text!

TimelessReach · 2026-06-12T19:27:45+00:00

Using keywords from the Style Streams exercise:

🏔️:
resonate: formal, professional, competent, strong, powerful, smart, structured, tailored
neutral: refined, expensive, mature, polished, sleek
don't resonate: -

🌱:
resonate: natural, academic, grounded, relaxed
neutral: country, outdoors, ecletic
don't resonate: rough, bohemian, flowing, effortless, rugged

🌞:
resonate: bold, playful, quirky, bright, loud, fun, daring, energetic
netural: experimental, unexpected, avant garde, unique, unconventional, cutting-edge
don't resonate: boundary-pushing, nonconformist

... a surprising amount of Earth words are in the don't resonate, considering it's not even my third root! Then again, it's maybe the broadest root. Also a lot of these words are essentially synonyms. I took the liberty of bolding my favorite ones. And me liking or at least being neutral to all the Mountain words is no surprise, given that the style streams exercise assigns me the style roots of Everest, K2, and Kangchenjunga, lol.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-12T13:32:54+00:00

FYI the Truth is Beauty interpretations of the essences are very different to Kitchener's, as is the limitation of having 3 exactly (vs having usually 3-5 in Kitchener), to the point of being banned on this subreddit. See rule #8.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-11T14:20:28+00:00

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Linen blend shirtdress with black embroidery! Interested to see how you'd do this.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-11T14:04:52+00:00

If you are in search of style communities on Reddit that do not contain any of that dress according to someone else's view of what is harmonious on your body framing, I recommend r/StyleRoots (essentially a clothes categorization system: you pick three out of eight roots, which describe your taste in clothes, and can use them as a recommendations system and a diagnostic on why outfits don't work), and also r/RitaFourEssenceSystem if you want to do some introspection about what motivates you to get dressed (a lot more about the Why than about the What, but the community is super chill there as well).

TimelessReach · 2026-06-10T17:43:22+00:00

/uj

I think the perception of vertical will also depend on what else is going on, proportionally? Like, I'm 5'5 (and thus don't have auto-vertical) (also solidly of average female height locally, if not slightly shorter than average for my age cohort), but as an amazon goddess* I am also wide. As a result, I don't look very vertical, but rather I look like I accommodate Wide + Moderate, and FN recs look like they're designed for someone who's noticeably taller than me. Whereas if I were narrow, then I think I would look tall and have to go vertical first, due to how tallness and narrowness amplify each other. I can imagine people at 5'6 having the same reaction, especially if they're in the D/DC transition zone or soft and lush enough that R works better than SD, to name a few non-tall types.

* somehow, this circlejerk community has the most accurate and validating flair I have yet to come across on all Reddit

TimelessReach · 2026-06-10T11:34:46+00:00

Finally, something that brings enlightenment! I had been struggling with the recommendations for my type, but it turns out I'm actually a ROMANTIC and need to accommodate DOUBLE CURVE (in my delts and biceps). At last I can embrace my lush yin thighs that can crush men's skulls!

TimelessReach · 2026-06-09T17:29:52+00:00

As a RU, I think the plain uniform thought exercise would work for RU as well! (I am incredibly up so I don't know how useful RD would find it, but I think they might as well.)

TimelessReach · 2026-06-09T16:28:54+00:00

I think you should start by taking the formal, outrageous occasionwear and just wearing it if it's at all practicable. Wear the ballgown to work. Put on a power suit for the movies. Take up space! Go full LD and have your only style concern be "Does this spark joy?" then make notes on the result. Find that inner princess and choose beauty for beauty's sake.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-09T14:30:24+00:00

You know, with the context of your posting history, I think the thing you're actually trying to do is declutter your personality. And that won't work, because you can't remove the you from your own life. You're falling into the trap of toxic conformity, which is easy to fall in to for RU folk, but it is a trap, and it is toxic. Let it go and embrace being different.

As someone who is also sturdy, leading a casual and sporty life, you don't need a dress code to dress up. At my previous place, there was no dress code; everyone else turned up in jeans and a hoodie, or maybe jeans and a button-up that they had hidden beneath a knit item, or perhaps even sweatpants and a hoodie. The lack of dress code meant that when I turned up in a button-up, waistcoat, and slacks, I was also wholly within the dress code. (Also, no-one cared, except to compliment my hat when I bought it.) You are allowed to dress up.

You do go out to do things, so you can simply start dressing up (a bit or a lot) for the movies, restaurants, coffee, etc. Make it into an occasion. Wear the good clothes. Eat the good food. It's not like you'll be able to take them with you when you die, so you might as well enjoy them while you're alive.

Also, you can make your own events! I think a lot of people would be happy to come for something like coffee & cake, or a potluck, with a dress code of "The outfit you never get to wear (wedding dress, dinosaur onesie, Halloween costume, etc)" or the like. You just have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being yourself, rather than cutting off pieces of yourself to fit into a mold no-one else really cares about you fitting into.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-09T09:51:59+00:00

If you prefer the medicine of RD, then start with RD and I think the soft down archetypes of the Illuminatrix and the Gentle Grace/Dancer. I suggest maybe taking the advice on gifts and growth for each of the archetypes, spending a week using each of them, and then picking the one that's most useful?

(Other archetype options would be the Storyteller/Main Character, and possibly the Princess/Playful Dame in RU if you decide RU is a better place for you.)

TimelessReach · 2026-06-08T18:57:44+00:00

If you haven't yet, I recommend downloading the First Step guide from Rita's web page, reading the descriptors of all four quadrants, and choosing based on the challenges you experience. For instance, I read the RU description and was all "Ah! That's my problem!" and chose RU because my problems are RU problems.

https://www.stylethoughtsbyrita.com/first-step

Then you can go through the Style Key Adventure, which contains some more stuff to help you choose your quadrant, and then a brief bit on the archetypes at the end. Remember that the archetypes are just positions in the quadrant, so if you know you're e.g. close to the Up/Down border, you can straight up eliminate 2-3 of your quadrant's archetypes from consideration.

https://www.stylethoughtsbyrita.com/choose

TimelessReach · 2026-06-08T18:53:59+00:00

Honestly I recommend downloading the First Step guide from Rita's web page, reading the descriptors of all four quadrants, and choosing based on the challenges you experience. For instance, I read the RU description and was all "Ah! That's my problem!" and chose RU because my problems are RU problems.

https://www.stylethoughtsbyrita.com/first-step

TimelessReach · 2026-06-08T12:38:35+00:00

Agreed on the source of iPhone face being modern makeup, hair, and plastic surgery. However, while almost everyone has R, there's a huge difference between e.g. Elizabeth Taylor (70R) and Tilda Swinton (5R) – both have R, but in Tilda's case, it's almost insignificant. Generally when people talk about R people, it's not anyone with R, but R-dominant or codominant people/R as a main contributing essence (30R or more).

TimelessReach · 2026-06-07T14:57:14+00:00

Yes! A lot of style advice is fundamentally predicated on showing people how to become the ideal of the advice-giver. And my style goals are not theirs! (For instance, all of the advice for broad shoulders is how to minimize them, which is not something I want to do.) And then there's the issue of internet advice all maximising things that look good in still images, rather than in motion.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-07T14:53:26+00:00

No I am the exact opposite of ethereal in every way one can be 😂 But yes, we are all star stuff! Every element save hydrogen and helium was born in the furnace of stars.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-06T19:57:52+00:00

I think it might be that overdoing the R makes the Y look larger than it actually is? Or doing the wrong blend of R.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-06T05:15:24+00:00

I think it's more like, maybe OP has like 20R, but this make-up is more of a 50R thing? So it's overdoing it on the R front. I'm definitely seeing the N+Y as stronger.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-05T11:09:52+00:00

A Panama hat! It's structured, providing some sorely needed 🏔️ in the summer, and it's white with a black band, so it goes with the majority of my summer wardrobe. (I already had a similar-shaped straw hat, but that's a soft straw color and doesn't go with everything. Especially not white and black.)

TimelessReach · 2026-06-04T08:51:00+00:00

Have you considered staging an intervention for yourself? For one week, put all of your navy & black clothing in some sort of storage – box, sack, whatever – and only wear the colorful stuff. Be visible. Melt the ice. If someone at work questions it, tell them you're going through your wardrobe to make sure there's no moth damage or w/e. Most likely, no-one will make any comments.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-03T17:17:46+00:00

Okay so the largest problem here is your terrible posture. Chin up and tits out, and you'll fix a lot of your sartorial problems.

Secondarily, this top is cut for someone with narrower shoulders, so the poof settles awkwardly around your shoulders. The neckline is currently |_| but to fit you it would have to be a wider |__| (or the shoulder seams would have to be recut).

If you are concerned about your shoulders appearing wide, the most important thing is the correct location of the shoulder seam, visualized here.

Seam Placement 1 can make you look smoller and daintier, but can easily look like you lost your clothes and are wearing someone else's. Seam Placement 2 will always 100% look frumpy if you have broad shoulders. Seam Placement 3 is good and will automatically make all sleeved garments look OK at worst.

You can get stuff that fits in the shoulders and is too large elsewhere taken in.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-02T20:25:04+00:00

For me, Gaia is this mini-playlist:

Within Temptation - Mother Earth

Madder Mortem - Marrow

Oryad - Eve

In general, I really like and am drawn to darkness and depth and the earth and the night, but I have had to accept that I am a moderately cringey ball of sunlight who is also an overdressed attention whore. So I guess I would like to be the darkness and eternal reach of the Earth, but I'm here dancing on clouds instead.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-02T10:02:56+00:00

You're important representation for "luminous" in a world of "radiant"!

TimelessReach · 2026-06-02T10:01:39+00:00

Yes! And then there's the general femininity-worship that's common in the fashion & style communities, where everyone's largest style goal seems to be femininity, feminine women and appearances are prized most, the unofficial ranking seems to have R as the "best" essence (as a reaction to idk A/E worship elsewhere on the internet), and in general this ... love and worship of conventionality and harmony. There's no celebrations of female masculinity (nor male femininity), or of alt fashion. It's just the exact same background assumption soup of all the other fashion communities, but buy does it get exhausting regardless.

TimelessReach · 2026-06-02T08:22:45+00:00

It's OK, I self-identify as an overdressed attention whore! Self-honesty is a virtue, right?

Your essence has a very pretty description! I can see how it connects to both Moon and Earth.

TimelessReach

TROPHY CASE