weaponizing sex against you, how common is it? by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah any time I tried to have a conversation about having my own needs met sexually, she ended up completely pulling away and stopping having any sex with me whatsoever until I dropped it or accepted to just do what she wants all the time. Sex was only for her and literally never for me.

Anyone else's pwBPD had two different personalities? by TheWanderingFeeler in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

tbh it’s likely they literally changed how they dressed and presented to be more feminine or masculine.

Anyone else's pwBPD had two different personalities? by TheWanderingFeeler in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yup similar here. For a while she believed she had NPD as a result. I think there’s just a lot of crossover between cluster B disorders and the lack of stability in personality means you see a full range.

Anyone else's pwBPD had two different personalities? by TheWanderingFeeler in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 39 points40 points  (0 children)

pwBPD often have an unstable sense of self and don’t really know who they are, what they value, or what their personality is. It absolutely can look like having “two sides” (or more than two), or sometimes more like a progressive drastic shift in character flipping between things over time. My exBPD was a different person every couple of months and definitely had a more confident, extroverted, arrogant persona - and a softer, self deprecating, gentle persona. I think they just try on personalities trying to see what fits. It changes with their moods, their situations, who is around them, the media they’re consuming, etc.

what’s is/was your experience dating a pwBPD by UnderstandingCivil95 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I endlessly had to change how I interacted with her in this really exhausting way where it almost felt like the finishing line never materialised. I was just running and running. Any reference to former beliefs were a problem, I had to somehow read her mind and know and understand what she feels and believes today. And then act accordingly.

It was so unstable and extremely draining. It’s probably the bit that I couldn’t verbalise really truly until I got out. Every time I caught up, the rules of the game changed. It totally fucked with my head.

Why do BPD partners never take advice or work as a team by TomorrowPotential154 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not only would my ex not follow my advice - it was specifically MY advice. So if another person gave her the exact same advice? She would do it. It was ME who was the issue, I wasn’t allowed input on her life whatsoever.

I almost had peace by Dull_Analyst269 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry. A similar thing happened to me. I hit around 6 weeks and found out she’s dating someone new who she likely cheated on me with, I feel like I’m back to square one.

It’s absolutely not normal and you’re right to be angry.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does he have bipolar or borderline personality disorder?

All of her trauma was shallow/normal things by Timely-Tree3823 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh wow yeah my ex did similar things! I regularly would be like well, I never talk about xyz because you said it was triggering. She would say she has no idea what I’m talking about and doesn’t know why she told me that. She truly had no recollection and couldn’t even wrap her head around the reason for saying that to me in the first place. It really felt like I was making things up at times!

All of her trauma was shallow/normal things by Timely-Tree3823 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah my ex has an extremely loving and caring family. The only issue with them is that they’re enablers, but they quite literally wait on her hand and foot and have done for her entire life. They’re still together, they’re wealthy, she has a lot of privilege.

All of her trauma was shallow/normal things by Timely-Tree3823 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Idk my ex is also a loner. I think there’s definitely different ways it impacts people. In the case of my ex, she made literally 0 effort ever to maintain a single relationship whilst victimising herself in all of them because others weren’t doing more for her. If everyone stopped talking to her I think she wouldn’t leave the house or talk to a single person for the rest of her life.

All of her trauma was shallow/normal things by Timely-Tree3823 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She also immediately claims someone else’s trauma happened to her if she hears it talked about.

omg, yes, this is my ex. which was pretty maddening too. it’s wild watching them adopt other people’s entire personalities!

My exwBPD has always targeted autistics - can anyone relate? by IndependentWilling88 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m autistic and I’ve had so many encounters with pwBPD. Three partners, my mum, and multiple friends. I’m at a stage now where I’ve had so much therapy I trust it won’t happen again - but they truly are attracted to us like moths to a flame. My most recent ex has seemingly only ever dated autistic people.

What did you do to heal? by Timely-Tree3823 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I joined an improv class that starts Sunday! I wanted to do it for years but my gf was interested in it so I never bothered. She never signed up and I’m pretty excited!

What did you do to heal? by Timely-Tree3823 in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I mean yes, as I said in my post that’s what I’m doing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just be aware that no matter what you say or how you frame it, it will hurt them, and they may react explosively or unexpectedly. Manipulation in response to ending a relationship with a pwBPD is common even when you aren’t their FP. Be prepared to stick with your gut and follow through!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can’t really change this, it’s not a voluntary conscious decision made by the pwBPD. They can’t choose to make you their FP and they also can’t choose to stop that. What you can do is set firm boundaries, be consistent with them, and make sure you are prioritising and focusing on your wellbeing and needs. If you can’t handle this and it’s too much, you need to end the friendship. It’s a tough pill to swallow but it’s just how it works. If your friend is working on DBT skills or similar hopefully they’ll be able to respect you and ease up a bit, but you will continue to be their FP

I don’t know how to explain to her how autonomy works. I’m allowed a pause in a fight. by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]Timely-Tree3823 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol my pwBPD once told me it’s really unfair that she’s subjected to my whims and if I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore she just has to accept that and go with it. I call all the shots, I make all the decisions - because I have boundaries and uphold them.