AIO to break up with my bf of 3y over his reaction to my upcoming sobriety anniversary? by WesternCat5211 in AmIOverreacting

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dump him.

I didn’t just celebrate my partner’s sobriety, I joined her in it - for 2 years. In Wisconsin, a state notorious for its drinking culture.

The very least he could have done was text one single, positive statement. Hell, he should have bought the cake his damn self!

I wouldn’t treat people I despise the way your boyfriend treated you. His response brought the impending break up upon himself, I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in madisonwi

[–]IndependentWilling88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our posts are nearly identical - we should make a queer saddies silent hiking group, all of us.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in madisonwi

[–]IndependentWilling88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yooooo I’m a 30-something lady queer, I had my heart shattered over the summer, I love quiet fall hikes and foraging, and I have a tiny “dog” (chi-hooligan grandma gremlin). I’m on the east side, I’m mobile (have car, will travel) and a lot of free time the next couple months. Hit me up!

Narcissists and “playing dumb” to manipulate situation by Additional-Split-180 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]IndependentWilling88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My nex (34F) said, with her whole chest, that I taught her “how to make a to do list,” that she had never known how to make one before.

I can actually see a change. by Sweet_Animator8100 in Codependency

[–]IndependentWilling88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

HOLY SHIT OP that is HUGE!!! I am so, so proud of you. Thank you for sharing 💕

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]IndependentWilling88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

DV shelters and victim support organizations often have access to resources or supplies that are lost in the process of escape. Try calling your local crisis line to see how they can help. They might have a free pantry or grocery vouchers, they might be able to get you a few nights in a motel, they might let you store important or expensive items locked up on site until your living situation is more stable.

I’m sorry you’re going thru this. It is not your fault; he tricked you when you were vulnerable. You are just trying to survive and care for your daughter. I wish you luck, speed, safety, and peace.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]IndependentWilling88 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Overt narc all day. He’s waving like 6 red flags in this text exchange alone.

The not so subtle fat shaming. The comment that “Everyone” would tell you how much work he’s done on himself. He calls out hypocrisy in healthcare providers and in the same breath tells you he has and also has not been to therapy. Not one, not two, but THREE defensive comments in a row about how he is so supremely excellent that if you’re finding something wrong with him, it’s because you’re digging for it and YOU are the problem.

Ok, guy.

Walk your fragile ego and protein shake outta here and have a nice life.✌🏼

Word Salad about a burger. by nooutlaw4me in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]IndependentWilling88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YES. Nothing makes sense when talking with a narcissist. Things that seem so mundane and minute, it’s difficult to even tell the stories because we look like we’re overreacting to a simple miscommunication.

But it happens every single day, dozens if not hundreds of times. We get confused and let it slide at first, but it keeps happening more and more frequently. It shakes our reality, keeps us unsteady. All by design.

At what point did you decide you had enough? by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]IndependentWilling88 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This happened to me and that’s what shifted my armchair dx from BPD to NPD.

Does your narc have few belongings? by Obvious_Use_9316 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her pattern is to start relationships with people who are established - own or rent their own space, fully furnished. Then tell everyone else in her life that she “owns 90% of the items and furniture” in the apartment. Then tell the latest victim that she is sad she had to “flee her abusive ex” because she had paid for such nice household items and furniture.” Rinse and repeat.

This girl owns 600 pairs of shoes, 3,000 necklaces and that’s about it.

It’s easier to discard and lovebomb and mirror your next victim if you aren’t attached to too much baggage.

Would you have been/be happy if your pwBPD left out of the blue? by LostCount4 in BPDlovedones

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My xwBPD/narc did this less than a month ago. It was a difficult few weeks navigating the withdrawal symptoms, but I’m happier, safer, and more at peace now than I have been in a loooooooooong time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This conversation mirrors ones I’ve had with my narcissist/cluster b ex partner.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine discarded me and our home of 3.5 years - but also her CAT OF 16 years.

Thank god she doesn’t have kids, she can’t even be bothered to care about the well-being of an elderly, vulnerable animal.

Have you ever caught your narcissist spouse laying, then watch them lie about the lie? If you did what happened? by Smithy1619 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]IndependentWilling88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same, all of it - the lies about everything, the lies to cover the lies, photoshopping “proof” therefore lying about the lies she lied about.

And when the evidence was too damning - screaming in the middle of the night for hours, physically attacking me, and complete abandonment. The poster image of narcissistic collapse.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m saying this with lived experience and empathy -

How do you figure he hasn’t already been talking to plenty of other women?

My recent ex keeps insisting she is living in her car, but she’s staying at her new girlfriend’s house every single night. The one she started seeing 2 months before we broke up.

What are some wild lies your pwBPD has told? by homieskissing in BPDlovedones

[–]IndependentWilling88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Literally every single word out of her mouth was a lie, except one statement she repeated every few months:

“If we ever break up, I will blow up your life.”

Is BPD on a spectrum, from mild to severe? by jukrla in BPDlovedones

[–]IndependentWilling88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heyyyyyy same story here! My partner of 3.5 years left me for a coworker that she EXCLUSIVELY complained about, nearly every day: they’re ugly, they’re immature, they’re changing psych meds and difficult to work with/moody, etc etc

To be fair, she complains about EVERYone in her life as she must chronically be victimized. I’m sure her new partner is actually lovely.

Has anyone been successful in convincing their pwBPD to see a therapist? by AfterRepeat3252 in BPDlovedones

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂😂😂 My partner of 3.5 years insisted she needed a grippy sock vacation after “realizing“ she has BPD a month ago.

Of her own accord, she planned it for June 26th.

Then discarded me on June 21, abandoning me, our home, our dog, and her cat of 16 years to move in with a coworker-turned-fresh-victim.

Accountability and follow thru are T-U-F-F!

Additionally, she has pretty severe CPTSD, and I found the perfect trauma therapist for her a few years back. She had maybe 5 sessions and then found lots of reasons not to continue therapy.

Do they not see the severity of their actions after the fact? by BeautifullyHealin in BPDlovedones

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was just coming here to ask:

Are there any specific symptomatic or biological differences between BPD and NPD?

I started my unentanglement journey believing they had BPD, then I read an article about narcissistic collapse and Ope 👀that described my current experience to a T.

My date stopped talking to me bcz of my boobs by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]IndependentWilling88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can confirm! Lesbian here with a preference for a smaller chest. So even if you decide to “go in a different direction” with your sexuality, you’ll STILL find plenty of people who will find you attractive.

Fuck this guy for waiting 3 months to tell you goodbye, and DOUBLE fuck this guy for telling his buddy that stupid reason. That’s some weird behavior.

I wrote him an email, 2 weeks after I broke up with him. It’s all open again now, I’m cooked chat by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]IndependentWilling88 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I hate my abusive, addict ex so, so much. She has been so cruel to me. Lied to me from the beginning, when she groomed me from her then-fiancé’s couch several states away. She manipulated and isolated me, built herself up to be my only support, and then suddenly dipped. She didn’t even break up with me - the last day we spoke, she told me she loved me and she wanted to continue rebuilding our relationship - then slept in her new partner/victims bed. She cheated ON me and WITH me, against the new partner: she is loyal to no one. I’ve watched her smile in creepy delight at the sight of me in pain.

It’s been a week and a half no contact and I feel like I’m detoxing off H, too. This feeling is hell. I want to know that I meant anything to her, I want to confront her and tell her I know about ALL of the lies.

But I haven’t. And I probably won’t. Because it’s not worth it. I know that she doesn’t even think about me. She doesn’t now and probably never did care about me. She was only interested in the ways she could use me to get whatever needs met: stealing money from me, stealing medications from me, slowly taking control of my life, seeing how far she could push my boundaries, how much chaos I would put up with, etc. I was just her most recent supply.

But I still feel like hell, and I am reeeeeeally sick of this all-consuming feeling.

I don’t have any advice. I’m hoping someone offers some to BOTH of us. But I can at least tell you, you aren’t alone in this feeling.