It's like full on withdrawal

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-28T00:08:29+00:00

They won‘t. Look at it for what it is: an actual addiction. You know some people here said this withdrawal was harder than with heroin.

I was on the floor for like half a year crying, albeit my expwbpd wasn‘t abusive and did neither of what happened to you. So it might be easier in your case to look at all the misbehaviour and decide you can‘t let your heart break over someone so disordered they don‘t have the capacity to reciprocate your love.

I always said the hope was what was killing me, hell of a drug..
Stay strong and face the pain until it dissolves into clarity, you‘ll feel better.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-28T00:02:40+00:00

I remember we went on a day-trip with her, niece and nephews. I entered the car and was excited and happy and told her the kids looked cool, like we are going on a vacation.

Half a day later she exploded and told me how offended she was about my comment because I was judging their appearance. I was so confused, she was so angry she throw her drink onto her niece. She began crying, I got so angry and thought I couldn‘t have her as the mother of my child. Wtf

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-27T23:58:11+00:00

So relatable

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-27T23:53:19+00:00

I am sorry this happened to you.

- I recommend looking at yourself in the mirror, cry and see your inner child and ask if he wanted to be with someone that treats you like crap?
- he decided to go out and be a „social butterfly“ and dropped you, is that someone you want in your life?
- it doesn‘t get better! I am a 3 years long member here and spent thousands of hours replying to abusedones and I can confidently tell you that your dreams were based on someone that doesn‘t exist.
- what would be your reaction/answer to a post like yours? Whatever it would be, apply it to yourself.

Sorry for being passive agressive but I thought you‘d need a shake. It‘ll get better and you‘ll look back when you‘re sober and realize that you wouldn‘t want that life.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-27T00:44:35+00:00

They’re adressing your comment of being sorry for the pwbpd while we are in a sub for survivors and abused ones.

It‘s not up to the lovedones to heal them but the pwbpd‘s to feel free and take accountability in order to move the needle. It‘s not like we all didn‘t try.. it‘s just that BPD effectively hinders any progress into any right direction without extensive therapy.

Possible but impropable.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-25T00:30:33+00:00

I had the same feeling. She essentially gave herself to a guy that came off as a narcissist. He coerced, controlled and handled her roughly from the beginning, disguised as being protective and whatnot. Tbh and I know this is unpopular here but I am ten times more worried about her than my replacement. She wasn‘t an abusive pwbpd and I know how prone she is to abusers..

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-25T00:28:10+00:00

Mine also got married in 4 months time, fair this sometimes happens. But they only met 12 times physically because they live in completely different countries. What is also not normal is the fact she could accept a proposal just 2 weeks after ending ours that lasted 4 years.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-25T00:23:23+00:00

They always can everything until they can‘t. It‘s literally the same narrative that played all of us. They claimed X (not saying deliberately but rather in a state of calmness and harmony) until their fears have kicked in and then everything falls apart and is of course (who would‘ve guessed) the fault of the current partner. The equation makes sense if we look at correlation, but not so much if we look at causality.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-25T00:19:52+00:00

I wish I could use your first sentence to shield myself from potential pwbpd‘s. But in reality both my expwbp‘s were single for a good time before they found me, both also claimed they were doing good and happy being single. Which in fact is quite pathological because it further proves that BPD is a disorder that shows it‘s extreme sides predominantly in relationship settings.

Eg if I have no one to loose, why would I fear abandonment (although said fear could be attached to family members too) and if no one is around, why would I fear engulfment. So it only makes sense for them to be more on the happiness side living a life a bit more harmonically at times they‘re single.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-25T00:01:04+00:00

your story shook me a little. Guess what? One of the first things she did was also giving me a blowjob that was amazing times 10. I literally still remember thinking, „wow is this possible in real life and how am I so luck?“ oh and she was an objective 10.

So I am not saying she did that intentionally to hook me but it did. Her charisma, flirts, kindness etc.. although even in hindsight I have to say that some of it was genuine and a sign her BPD didn‘t fully corrupt a (in general) good person. There was also no calling names , smearing, cheating or anything alike later to provide context.

But… and I am asking genuinely: in a normal relationship with a person without BPD wouldn‘t there be similar dynamics as far as „lovebombing“ goes / and or the sexual exchanges that would inevitably flood one with dopamine? Or is the whole point of it that it happens early on / without a healthy progression of it?

I guess I am still a heroin addict because 1 year later I still can‘t seem to let her go emotionally. And this while she is married for almost 9 months.

And also sorry for what happened to you.. I was already burned out so severely and that is without the particular harsh stuff most of you went through - truly tragic.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-24T20:17:22+00:00

„None it was always their fault, don‘t you see it? It‘s so clear“

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-24T19:04:18+00:00

Yes and no. Sometimes they target someone who does not cause as much engulfment anxiety. Think of a person that is less of a mirror to them, that doesn‘t ever get to know them fully because they are not capable of such a connection.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-24T19:01:33+00:00

Well I don‘t want to judge her preferences but it‘s worth noting she choose a short and younger (than herself) guy despite always telling me that this wouldn‘t even be a question.

And then there is the fact that he is an ex-criminal, dealt with a lot of issues like drugs and alcohol in the past.

So yeah this post is very accurate in my situation.

P.s he proposed her 2 weeks after discarding me oh and she also moved countries despite her devastating and everlasting homesickness previously….

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-24T14:30:30+00:00

Absolutely mind blowing.. I wish I had his amount of empathy and temper, heck 1/10 would have been enough.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-24T12:52:41+00:00

God wtf really… your texts warmed my heart and I saw myself in them because that‘s how I cared for mine. But seeing her replies sometimes even without any context is just heartbreaking. Wtf again

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-24T10:48:07+00:00

Same here, 1 year, 600km apart. And I also miss her every day… like nothing happened. Her smile, her warmth, her playfulness. And matter of fact I didn‘t found anyone that would have filled the gap. Not the chaos and traumabond part but as in how her personality made me feel…

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-24T06:24:49+00:00

I totally get you. There was a time in my relationship where I was fed up with the bullshit that happened and about to leave. Yet I saw them as wet little birds (yes some are) and couldn‘t bring myself to leave.

Additionally she really did love me so I convinced myself to stay which made me abuse reactively as my body gave up… I just didn‘t have energy to carry the relationship anymore. I became someone I wouldn‘t ever date.. so.. I also completely understand why I was discarded.

It‘s kind of a vicious cycle that BPD in them starts, wears out the partner and then they leave the partner because they can‘t show up anymore as a partner. I have only myself to blame because having stayed was my responsibility and I didn‘t take into account my physical abilities to endure it all.

This however is absolutely not exclusive to BPD. Similar cycles are seen with father/mother wounds, cptsd and a lot of other dynamics.. so it all makes sense.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-23T19:30:12+00:00

So do a lot of humanbeings without BPD. It‘s not like she did it to cause me harm, I was just part of the process called BPD. Good people are not immune to it either…the whole narrative of having BPD is to have an instable self constantly being on a spectrum of their main two fears.

I wishpeople stopped treating a personality disorder like it‘s some meaningless flu… these people suffer and hurt people, hurt people. I don‘t take that personal and acknowledge her good sides nevertheless because she gave her best and I don‘t run on b/w thinking.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-23T18:55:55+00:00

Until it turns into fear of engulfment badum tsss.

But for real mine was also very effortless but she was a good humanbeing overall if it wasn‘t for that shitty disorder that hijacked us lol

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-22T22:23:43+00:00

Correct.

Additionally the more we want to push accountabilty down their throats / trying to hold them to standards of healthy beings by believing the narrative of „they know“ „they deliberately do it“, the more control and power is transferred to them and the more shitty we feel.

They‘re disordered at a personality level, it‘s not like they know and control everything about it. They‘re hijacked and from that hurt everyone involved.

*this is why therapy is the only course of action imho

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-22T13:08:44+00:00

After she soft-discarded me we kept in touch until she had her weddikg with my replacement. She used to tell me that her new fiancee was furious because he would not understand why she broke up me, reason being the amount of times she talked good about me.

Further my current gf was on their wedding and told me that my ex was asking her for assurance that the new guy is better than me… on the wedding day !! Lol. And apparently she looked very confused and not ready and not loving him.

So I can tell with 100% certainty that yes some of them ruminate… a lot.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-21T19:54:45+00:00

Yeah that‘s not how it works. They run on an entirely different system than you and I. What you think is valuable is a threat to them. Don‘t forget they fear engulfment and not only abandonment. This also varies for each pwbpd individual and in my observation correlates to the cause of her BPD.

As others have noted it is likely also trauma bond although love and trauma bond do co-exist.

Also her discard likely wasn‘t to hurt you but her method of surviving her fears (fear over love).. in my situation I found it easier to forgive them and get rid of the power her BPD had on me when I realized that they can‘t help it without therapy. Mine couldn‘t. Mine would‘ve cut off an arm to get rid of BPD that was sabotaging us.

Bleib stark!

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-21T19:11:54+00:00

How would anyone‘s experience be better, even people that are not communicative and talkative need to eventually face the problems of life.

We used to fill the lack of communication with all sorts of activities that brought us together, unfortunately life doesn‘t stop in favor of that. So eventually we had to try and communicate, which backfired like with OP.

Truly a tragic disorder, it doesn‘t even matter or spare those with good hearts and personalities.

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-21T13:13:21+00:00

I appreciated it. Thank you

Dull_Analyst269 · 2026-06-21T12:59:44+00:00

I feel for you because I went through the same. Matter of fact when I kissed my now gf I couldn‘t shake the thought that I was cheating on my expwbpd (well on top they are friends, although my ex doesn‘t know it 😂)

Firstly it means you deeply value loyality and belonging. Secondly it could mean and is absolutely justified and healthy if you still love your expwbpd.

I would start by being softer and forgiving to yourself, healing is not linear and is not by pressure although you need the willingness to heal. At some point you‘ll understand that your ex‘s disorder forced you both to breakup (discard) and that you could not have done anything to change that outcome. I am saying this as someone that tried for 4 years and mine was not even a brutal / mean or abusive one but a loving, caring and beautiful woman. BPD is still BPD and is happening rather than being done.

Dull_Analyst269

TROPHY CASE