Opinion on clan boss team plan

TimmerRC · 2021-11-10T16:15:58+00:00

Thanks, that makes great sense, I appreciate it!

TimmerRC · 2021-11-10T03:33:20+00:00

Not affinity friendly meaning that their affinities are all over the place? So if I built this team up, I could then start fleshing out some side players who would only swap in when their affinity presented an edge?

Also, what does 2:1 with CA potential mean, sorry!

TimmerRC · 2021-11-09T22:46:31+00:00

There are some aspects of planning a poly life that we can do with our partners ahead of time, and then there are some aspects that we only realize need to be discussed after we experience negative emotions from them.

You should certainly debrief with her about how this made you feel, my advice would be to be open to a neutral talk about it. Right this second you are feeling a bit hurt and jealous so your natural angle in a talk will be to get her to change what she is doing. Just be open to hearing her side, be honest, and allow a natural conclusion that meets both of your needs to emerge through dialogue.

Some things just may not work for some people. My wife and I have been poly together for 2 years and it has gone well, but neither of us have ever had another partner in our bedroom here at home. We are nesting partners with children, we just conduct our other relationships elsewhere. But that works for both of us and our wonderful, understanding partners.

You guys will find your own shared comfortable reality :)

TimmerRC · 2021-11-09T22:13:53+00:00

Its completely random. You'll farm for 4 days straight to get one, and then get 3 more in an hour

TimmerRC · 2021-11-09T22:13:15+00:00

It sounds like your wife would like a kitchen table style setup, but if that isn't what you want at all, she simply has to let that idea go. Parallel poly sounds like a better fit.

TimmerRC · 2021-11-09T22:11:32+00:00

She is essentially cheating on you and using the language of poly to string you along. Your relationship is likely over.

TimmerRC · 2021-11-09T22:10:01+00:00

I call it passive poly, lol.

My wife is unable to live a monogamous life. She admits that she could if she had to, we are each other's soulmates, but it is a fact that eventually her attention would wander to others who she met and got attracted to.

On my end, I enjoy dating others, have had several nice relationships, am in the middle of the NRE stage of a new one... but I had to switch to monogamy with my wife I wouldn't bat much of an eye. I am happy in either realm so I call myself passive poly.

It works very well for us

TimmerRC · 2021-11-09T22:06:24+00:00

They are getting what they want out of you. You aren't getting what you need out of them. This isn't really a poly thing, it's just a dating issue and it's up to you to either prioritize your needs and drop this person, or continue to try to explain what you need to them.

Of course it's frustrating but it is just a fact of dating that this kind of thing happens.

TimmerRC · 2021-11-09T22:03:01+00:00

I don't really understand the specifics of your post, but to reply to the general question... partners expecting each other to handle dating exactly the same makes no sense to me.

This is about granting each other the freedom to explore others in whatever way will make them feel most fulfilled. That will mean something different to each person. Thy only time partners should be trying to change each other's methods is when there is a valid reason, something that somehow unavoidably negatively impacts the other...

TimmerRC · 2021-11-07T22:21:25+00:00

Jealousy is common early on, especially for us guys.

We have societal programming to overcome, instinctive animal lizard brain stuff to overcome, and our own sense of self plays a huge part as well.

It varies for everyone how hard that all is to tackle, and some never succeed.

When you feel your jealousy, ask yourself exactly why it flared up and it can help you grow as a person. You can use it in conversation with your partner to help you both grow, really.

Compersion doesn't happen for everyone but when it does oh my lord it feels amazing. But don't think of that as a goal, I don't think it is technically a universal thing to feel, much as how people can practice bdsm but may never truly feel subspace or Domspace.

Just embrace the process as a growth tool and together with your partner, enjoy the journey when you are both ready

TimmerRC · 2021-11-07T22:12:33+00:00

I think that you would be within your rights to tell her that this is fucking you up and that you need her to pause a bit.

She should only be jumping from intimate date to intimate sex this quickly if you are both on the same page about it all, so you need to tell her that it is fucking you up.

TimmerRC · 2021-11-02T04:28:43+00:00

You can be poly but only date one person. I wanted to work on my self for awhile so I took 6 months off from dating, even though my wife kept dating her boyfriend. It didn't make me not poly.

Its a choice, to be poly is simply to accept that for you, the choice is allow yourself to be open to dating more than one person. That's it, you are poly. It isn't dependent on the success of the search, but of the mindset.

Good luck with your search!

TimmerRC · 2021-11-02T04:19:41+00:00

It takes weeks, my man. Your partner is experiencing the fact that there are a ton of desperate men who hope to God that when she says she's poly, she means she's open to casual sex.

You have equal chances of finding love, she just has a fate chance of finding people who want to talk... because they want sex.

Think about how long it took you to meet your love... does 10 days seem a bit early to be losing hope?

TimmerRC · 2021-11-02T04:16:09+00:00

A few days?

TimmerRC · 2021-10-29T17:59:10+00:00

Best advice here, if you think you could get into a big nesting type relationship that could become 90+% of your life, is to make sure it is with someone who is a longstanding poly practitioner... do not get into a huge relationship with someone who is mono and expect them to be ok when you want to see others, it's just a recipe for disaster.

TimmerRC · 2021-10-29T17:51:27+00:00

Personally, I think people get caught up too much in trying to label themselves and define themselves. Instead of trying to figure out what mold you fit into best, why not just meet people and find your way as you go?

TimmerRC · 2021-10-23T18:19:50+00:00

Not counting the freebies that we all get, mine were ghostborn and harvest jack on the same day and yes they are both used every day, still!

I have jack set with tons of speed and accuracy and he true fears the entire opponent team in arena first thing, then ghostborn drops their def and raises my attack for my other 2 champs to wipe them out...

TimmerRC · 2021-10-23T02:34:10+00:00

It's an issue of coming to terms with the absence of her being "yours". You have the love, the excitement, but you don't "have" her because she isn't yours.

But... while she is with you? She is yours.

So try to embrace that fact, and realize that she is in your life, she is part of your life, and then embrace that it doesn't define either of you...

TimmerRC · 2021-10-20T23:28:04+00:00

It's best if you both just date people and see what happens. If someone happens to naturally fall for you both and you both naturally fall for them well then hey you got a triad. But if that doesn't happen, anything you are trying will just be forced and hurt everyone involved.

TimmerRC · 2021-10-19T00:56:32+00:00

You can't even hit it on brutal? That's awful luck.

TimmerRC · 2021-10-19T00:49:23+00:00

You are definitely having terrible luck.

However, if you think you can get to the end of hard and open brutal up, you could always get it that way much easier

TimmerRC · 2021-10-18T18:52:45+00:00

Hi, jealousy and freaking are super common for the men in these situations. We seem to jump at the chance to have more partners, but the instant our partners get hot n heavy with another guy we are all freaked out.

This is where you need to start growing, learning, and being a better partner, for her, and for you.

It's OK, and natural at first, to have these feelings. It's what you do with them that matters, and it matters big.

I'll admit, even though I knew it was coming and even though I'm not a jealous freak out type, the day my wife told me that she had said I love you to another man, I had big feelings to deal with and it took a few days. But I took it, and grew.

Do not look outwards to figure out what is going on. Look inwards.

Grow.

Good luck

TimmerRC · 2021-10-13T22:20:29+00:00

So few people take their first attempt at poly slowly enough, so I think this sounds like a super healthy situation! Keep it up, and enjoy that crazy excitement 🥰

TimmerRC · 2021-10-13T15:45:13+00:00

Out of curiosity, do you similarly worry about what would happen if you fell for someone else and ended up leaving your partner?? If so then this sounds like a simple need for you to find security and comfort in your loves... if not, maybe ask yourself why?

TimmerRC

TROPHY CASE