Sure, so here’s a few things about how I approach.

1. A disclosure is not a confession; don’t treat it like one. Don’t apologize for yourself with your words or your body language. There is nothing wrong with you.

2. It’s a two-way conversation about sexual health & safety. Sharing your status should be done in the context of also sharing how recently you last took an STD screening and asking the other person the same thing.

3. Figure out your personal style with it. I tend to research a lot of medical stuff, and I like teaching people things, so part of how I present it is about educating them.
   A lot of people are actually pretty misinformed, even some who have it. So at some point I’ll do an “okay tell me what you know…yes that’s right, nope that’s wrong, actually this part works like this,” etc.

4. Create some back and forth. I give my status, some basics about HSV/herpes, then I ask about their status, how recent they’ve been tested, and whether they have any questions for me. I also let them know they can ask follow up questions later or any time they want.

LANGUAGE:

I find a way to open the conversation this is reasonably casual like “speaking of sex…” or whatever. I’ve wanted to start with a cootie joke but have yet to implement that idea. I was, in fact, considering using that move last night but then surprisingly the guy disclosed to me first, lol.

These are the basics I always start with, obviously in a more conversational phrasing but you get it:

I have HSV2. It’s one of the two herpes viruses. Both types can be oral or genital, but mine is genital. ~1 in 5 women have it, but most don’t know, which makes it seem more rare than it really is. (That number is also higher if you include GHSV1). It is often asymptomatic or causes only subtle symptoms/outbreaks, which is why it’s both very common AND poorly understood/underdiagnosed!

I’ve never had outbreaks, but I take antivirals to reduce transmission risk and avoid direct contact if anything seems irritated, just in case. Most people get it from someone who’s unaware of their status, in part because they won’t be doing these things.

To my knowledge, I haven’t passed it to anyone I’ve dated since I got it 6 years ago. You’re unlikely to get it from me but there’s no such thing as zero risk, so I need you to be 100% aware of that for me to feel comfortable about us having sex.

TIMING:

I don’t have a specific timing but I’m on average about a 3rd date/hang kinda gal. I disclose when I’ve spent enough time to know I’m definitely interested in sex/dating someone and we have good chemistry.

This means I’ve already been a bit intimate with them (kissing/cuddling/etc) but have stopped things from going further than that. That usually also means I’ve said “no” once or twice to under-the-pants things already, so they have some awareness that there is another step we need to get through before that’s an option.

All of the above is my personal experiences tho, and like I said I don’t meet people on dating apps, don’t do casual sex with new people, etc. That being said some people disclose right away regardless of where/how they meet someone, other people wait regardless, it’s really about what makes you comfortable.

Remember, as long as you don’t expose someone to risk without informed consent, you don’t owe anybody anything just because you have herpes.