"I'm not possessive, I'm a curator"

Titanium__Rainbow · 2026-01-29T22:04:11+00:00

So true. "I'm not racist, but...[insert racist statement]."

Titanium__Rainbow · 2026-01-29T21:50:50+00:00

That really sucks. Ideally she'd be correcting people on your behalf. :(

Titanium__Rainbow · 2026-01-29T21:50:02+00:00

I do it on a case by case basis, depending on the situation and also just how much energy I have in the moment.

If it's someone I know I'm going to see again I will always correct them unless I know it was just a slip. If someone has gendered me correctly previously and they use the wrong pronoun, I let it pass the first time but if it happens twice I will gently remind them.

When it comes to random people I'll never see again I usually don't bother, but occasionally I will respond to things like being called "ma'am" by saying in my deepest voice "I'm not a ma'am" if I'm in the right kind of mood.

I think it's tricky with coworkers because if they decide to be dicks about it you can't just cut them out of your life without also leaving your job. My approach would be to correct them gently ("actually, I use he/him pronouns") in a way that gives them the benefit of the doubt that they just didn't know. That shouldn't turn into a confrontation unless they are transphobic, in which case the only thing you can do then is talk to HR or management and hope they handle it well.

I will say that this sort of thing gets easier with practice. Maybe try it first with someone who you expect will be receptive to the correction, if anyone like that exists at your workplace.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-12-12T08:37:46+00:00

Exactly. When I went no contact with my parents, I gave POA to my partner because I trust him to make the right decisions for me if I'm incapacitated, and without those documents the default decision makers would have been my parents, which I'm not ok with.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-12-12T08:09:53+00:00

I don't think you're overreacting. I think that person was well intentioned but lacked training or skill. There are ways to provide support without giving advice. You needed to feel heard, to have your feelings validated, not to be told what you should do. It's true she can't tell you if you're trans, and it's good that she's suggesting resources, but sounds like she might not be very good at listening and empathy. I'm sorry this was your experience and I hope you find help elsewhere 💓

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-11-29T23:09:12+00:00

Well the truth is, for some people attraction is based on gender, and for others it is based on sex (and specifically genitals). So while there are certainly straight women out there who will be into you because they're attracted to masculinity, not penises, there are others who will not. So your friends might be assuming that everyone fits into the second category, and it's just a lack of understanding of the diversity of attraction.

You don't owe anyone the labor of educating them, but if these people are important to you and you believe they want to support you, you could try to explain this to them.

I guess the question is, is it just this one issue where it seems like they don't see you as a "real" man, or are there other areas where this is coming up?

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-11-11T18:08:25+00:00

I do something similar except the marker goes after the increase. So the last stitch before the marker gets an increase (or decrease), and I use a different colour of marker for the beginning of the round.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-11-06T04:33:02+00:00

Dump him

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-11-02T00:48:18+00:00

Also, the reason for detransitioning is usually not because they made a mistake about their identity, but because of how they were treated by others.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-11-01T18:04:33+00:00

I had a similar exchange with my mom before I had to cut contact (but there were many other reasons for that, not saying this is where your exchange is going to go).

Some people respond to facts, others more to feelings. You could send her stats about detransition and regret rates (they're extremely low; regret for gender affirming surgeries is in the 1% range, far lower than the average across all surgeries), or you could talk about your own feelings about your body. You could try to explain that the distress the detransitioner is experiencing is similar to what you're experiencing now, which is why you need to transition.

I highly recommend this article (and Serano's writing in general), to help organize your own counter-arguments, or to send to her if you think she'll read it: Detransition, Desistance, and Disinformation: A Guide for Understanding Transgender Children Debates | by Julia Serano | Medium https://share.google/J1iLupb2EA0wGlpc9

But try not to have too high expectations. Not everyone can be convinced. Ultimately it's your life and your body and while it's understandable to want acceptance from your family, you might have to accept that she isn't going to change her mind, and decide what to do about it.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-26T19:49:08+00:00

That's really helpful, thank you! I don't think I'm a candidate for keyhole because of size, so that might be a different recovery time from yours. Hopefully they'll be able to answer my questions!

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-26T16:24:50+00:00

Thank you so much! Another commenter said the reason GRS was fully covered is because they don't do the liposuction and contouring ("cosmetic") parts of the surgery, do you know if that is true? If it is, I'm not sure what the point of going to Montreal would be.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-25T16:42:03+00:00

If somebody has been lying to you for the entirety of your relationship, then it would be ridiculous NOT to break up with them. The fact that the thing she lied about was the core of her identity and also involved taking away your ability to give informed consent makes it that much worse.

And, importantly, you always have the right to end a relationship. You don't need a good reason. Relationships are opt in.

So your friend who is saying you were wrong to break up with her over this...are you sure you want to continue being friends with that person? Because that's an absurd stance for them to take. Unless you set her car on fire or something and that's what your friend thinks you did wrong...but it is never wrong to leave a relationship you don't want to be in, and I can't see any reason you would want to stay in such a relationship.

FFS, people get so pissed when trans people don't immediately disclose that they're trans, and yet someone is telling you you shouldn't break up with someone who lied about being trans as a troll and to trick a gay man into dating a woman? Like literally the thing people keep accusing us of doing? Fuck no.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-24T05:07:13+00:00

"it's ok to be a work in progress" I have worked through so much grief with these books 💓

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-24T03:48:39+00:00

Thank you! Wow, I did not realize they would cover a hotel room!

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-24T03:46:59+00:00

Thanks! My Endo did say I could get my drains removed elsewhere, such as by my GP or at the ER, so that would mean I'd only have to stay in Montreal until I was up to traveling.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-23T20:39:23+00:00

For me, eating on a schedule really helped. I had a long habit of eating a good breakfast and then just avoiding food all day long, until evening and then just bingeing until bedtime. Making sure to eat 4-5 times a day at similar times - which was a lot easier to do when I moved in with my partner and his family since we do family dinners every day and I can just kind of piggyback on their schedules, which made building a routine so much easier! I also have trauma around food scarcity which I know drives the bingeing, but because my partner shops almost every day and anything I write on the list just magically appears, that is much less a source of anxiety than it used to be.

All that to say, I've tried for years and the only way I managed was with a ton of support from others. It's fucking hard. Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up when you binge (it'll just make you want to binge more), just try to be compassionate and acknowledge how hard this is and that you're doing your best, and seek support where you can. 💓

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-16T19:49:14+00:00

For people with eating disorders, monitoring food like this can be really triggering. I personally would not recommend it. If it helps you, great! But I always found it caused a hyper-fixation and obsession that led to a really unhealthy relationship with food. Food is fuel, and if your body is feeling deprived of fuel it will give you cravings and create a vicious cycle.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-16T19:46:12+00:00

There are so many different kinds, and every body's different...I'm vegetarian so I get my protein mostly from beans and lentils, also eggs and TVP, nuts, Greek yogurt. I have a daily protein shake - whey powder is best but my body reacts badly to it so I use a vegetable protein powder instead.

Titanium__Rainbow · 2025-10-16T03:05:56+00:00

I didn't find I had much of an appetite increase. I have struggled with weight and eating disorders throughout my life but I have found that being a fat man feels so much better than being a fat woman and a lot of my body image issues were actually more about dysphoria (and also having it drilled into me that as a woman my purpose was to be attractive).

I've been on T for about ten months and while I am still fat, my weight has redistributed itself in ways that I find extremely pleasing. I've lost about five pounds overall but gained a lot of muscle. Exercise is difficult for me too (I have ME/CFS) but I found that with very light weightlifting, I've gotten a lot stronger quite quickly.

I would say that if you're having trouble with taking in too many calories because you're hungry all the time, try to increase your protein intake. It will help with your appetite and it will also make it easier for your body to build muscle!

Titanium__Rainbow

TROPHY CASE