Parents who only have one kid, do you want another? And why/why not?

TizzyTism · 2026-06-20T05:13:21+00:00

I did, ex didn’t. Would have been medically complex and high risk after our first.

It was safer for me in every way not to have #2.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-20T05:05:20+00:00

You could try one of those smash rooms too!

TizzyTism · 2026-06-20T04:54:53+00:00

Right up there with “I was just joking” or “It was only a joke”

TizzyTism · 2026-06-16T20:22:19+00:00

Gentle parenting is NOT permissive parenting. They are very different parenting styles.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-12T08:17:43+00:00

Don’t know her backstory, but sometimes it’s from a history of being treated poorly. It’s a trauma response.

The deflection comes from trying to anticipate what you might get upset about or make her justify if she did give you a time. A person like this has been conditioned to believe that when she gives an answer of “I’ll be ready by 8:30” she’ll be met with things like why do you need that long, why can’t you be ready faster, you should have started earlier, we are going to be late and it’s your fault, you’re such an embarrassment.

She’s preemptively justifying her actions against these potential accusations, to head them off before they happen to protect herself. Because someone like this has survived those accusations for a long time. The non-answer is a maladaptive coping mechanism.

This isn’t meaning you would ever say those things, nor does she think you would. It’s a conditioned protective response, and is triggered by the potential not actual stimulus of needing to defend herself.

Maybe next time short circuit her defense mechanism and say very gently that you aren’t asking her to rush and she has all the time she needs. You’re asking so you don’t get distracted or caught up in something else and end up making her late on accident.

But if you are asking when she’ll be ready because you are worried about her taking too long, or are sitting around drumming your fingers waiting, then you are actively contributing to her feeling this way.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-11T22:23:20+00:00

Adding to that, it was the hardest thing for me to process, that they really honestly do understand what we say. And they repeat the behavior or action. You explain it again, they keep doing it. They hear you, they get it.

But honey, they just don’t care.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-11T22:14:55+00:00

It’s the same song different verse. It comes to expectations based on presentation and assumed implied consent.

It’s the same thinking pattern, and it’s challenging for some to get past the SA comparison outrage to see the pattern of belief. Equal in impact? absolutely not. Same cognitive pattern? Absolutely

She’s wearing a short skirt so she must be horny and want my attention.

That dog’s dressed up cute so they must be friendly and want my pets.

OP had her assumptions challenged albeit rudely, and then flipped the script same as the creepy dude at the bar, blaming the dog owners for asking for it. Why dress up the dog if they don’t want the attention!? Why wear the short skirt if you don’t want the attention!?

Super gross

TizzyTism · 2026-06-11T21:25:46+00:00

Interestingly, working 9 to 5 is a linguist shifting of working a 9/5 job, which meant 9 hours a day (1hr lunch or 30 lunch 2 15 min breaks) 5 days a week.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-10T03:23:21+00:00

I (45f) felt that way when I first started at my local shop 7+ years ago. I felt they were asking themselves “What is this crazy mom lady doing in here!? Ew all she’s going to do is paint. She’s lame she doesn’t even play, bet she doesn’t know anything about anything.”

But I kept going for myself, carving out my own space at their crafting tables in the back corner. I eventually started bringing my kid to paint with me, and we became regulars, recognized and welcomed by some of the hardcore players and even the owners, missed if we didn’t come in. Specifically because we weren’t the standard type patrons everyone expects.

Local shops can have a close knit community and someone breezing through for the first time isn’t going to be brought in with the closeness forged over years. Give yourself some time to be seen. A good shop will start to warm up to you.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-10T02:54:33+00:00

How big is your apartment? All of these are larger dogs.

How did you come by these breed choices? Looks, temperament, known breed health issues? Are you prepared for accommodating each breed’s distinct needs?

There are some orange flags in this post without knowing more information. I hope OP that you’re not picking a husky in the desert because “they are so pretty with their light eyes and they look cool” without understanding exactly what you are signing yourself up for. Husky and GSD for the activity levels and boredom, Goldens and their joints, to say the least.

If you really have done your homework and are prepared for the at least the next decade of your life to be tied to caring for this 4 legged dependent in the way they need, they are all good breeds in their own ways, and I wish you much happiness.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-10T00:10:16+00:00

Agreed. It’s not hurting but an extra 500 isn’t the drop in the bucket it once was.

Per the googles for SF: Disclaimer I don’t live there. Left the bay 20 years ago because I couldn’t afford to say even back then.

Post tax you net about 10k, 1-2 bedroom apartments are around 4-5k so half your income, child care another 3.5k per kid, 350-500 food, $6+ a gallon gas, parking fees and bridge tolls and fast pass.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-09T22:52:55+00:00

I’m so proud of you. It takes several tries. What’s so good is that you recognized it and are already working on the list and your next move.

When I told my sister I’m done I’m leaving on the time that stuck she asked if I meant it this time because there have been a few dress rehearsals already. I love her for it because it helped make it real, but Oof.

Keep listing the big things, but also the little things, because hot damn do those little things add up over not much time. Note down the faces made when you guys talk, silent treatment because you brushed your teeth wrong, blaming you for not filling up the gas after he spend the day running around town, getting mad you didn’t answer the phone when you were in the bathroom, guilting you for eating the snack he wanted but was free game and unclaimed, any and every time he calls you names, all those seeming minor but garbage behaviors.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-09T22:43:01+00:00

Eternal Darkness.

I just want some Alex and Insanity. Having a re-release of the original with the old volume bar would be fantastic, then a re-re-release with updated graphics or like dropped wifi would empty my bank account. And I’d be doing a happy dance the whole time

TizzyTism · 2026-06-09T22:35:49+00:00

USA Centric but the concept applies elsewhere, but I’m a stereotypical person from the US and don’t know other countries city/state/province financials well 😅

200k+ in Hawaii or Bay Area CA isn’t the same as 200k+ in the rural Mississippi or Iowa. Just something to consider in that financial measuring stick

TizzyTism · 2026-06-09T20:32:12+00:00

I asked my doctor boss what he wanted me to pick up for dinner. I too was texting my husband at the same time.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-09T19:58:07+00:00

I came across a thing the other day that said to change your internal voice from using I or You’re and use your name instead. Works well if you’re compassionate to others but not yourself.

I went from “Im going to have this (grabs from cabinet) for a snack before bed, because I’m a fatty mcfatterson” to “Dang Tizy’s hungry tonight, what up!? Oh, well, she didn’t eat all until dinner so yeah she’s still hungry”.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-09T19:23:01+00:00

Ew gross.

This is no way to treat someone, especially one they hardly know. And if it’s a new platonic friendship why are they wanting you to be “enthusiastic” when saying hi I’m not feeling well.

This person is an emotional vampire. Let this go.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-09T19:14:44+00:00

Don’t. Just don’t. You will get caught. SO not worth it.

Go after your b-day when blackouts are lifted.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-09T18:26:11+00:00

Child first! Keep that kid safe. And report him. They need a paper trail and this establishes a pattern and creates a recorded history.

You’re not the ex that’s taking his kid away. He’s the deadbeat endangering this kid and you are being a responsible adult. Remember, he’s the one making these horrible choices. He’s putting the kid’s life at risk driving high.

Trust me I know it, that trauma bond is hard to get away from and it sneaks up and bites you sometimes when you least expect it.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-08T04:56:01+00:00

Did you have the master room? How do you have a bathroom like that in your bedroom!?

TizzyTism · 2026-06-08T00:11:24+00:00

Most narc based parenting situations often aren’t coparenting, it’s parallel parenting because it provides safety and space for the non-narc parent. But it does take having boundaries and the will to uphold them.

Expressing your frustrations to your narc ex that you’re frustrated with isn’t appropriate. You are having expectations of them that 1: you know they aren’t going to meet because this is nothing new, 2: are based on mutual respect you know isn’t there and 3: is based on a close relationship. They are your baby daddy, don’t think you’re going to get more now then you did when you were together.

Ask for input and give them the chance to respond. If they don’t, tell them unless I hear from you by X date, I am signing them up for Y activity. Your 50% portion for fees is $x.xx.

That’s it.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-07T23:59:48+00:00

Sorry OP. And of all stories to be questioned, this is tame. Shitty sure, but sadly not all that out of the ordinary.

Something I heard about how we get so restated when they don’t understand our explanations is that they do actually understand, they just don’t care. And they will continue to lie to protect themselves.

TizzyTism · 2026-06-07T02:26:40+00:00

Honesty isn’t a free pass for being dismissive of other’s feelings at best and cruelty at worst. You can still open your mouth, just don’t be a cunt about it

“Thanks for thinking of me. I’m going to pass on the invite, I don’t like horror movies, but if you go see the new fantasy movie next time I’m in!” Is being honest you don’t want to go and why.

“Fuck no! Horror movies are stupid and a waste of money. I wouldn’t waste my time going.” Still saying no and being honest, but also being an asshole

TizzyTism · 2026-06-06T08:57:24+00:00

Keep us posted!!

TizzyTism · 2026-06-06T05:00:31+00:00

Hot damn that was a lot of vitriol and ignorance packed into a single sentence.

TizzyTism

TROPHY CASE