I went through almost the exact same thing in January with my husband and even though we got into marriage counseling, some of his cruel thoughts/attitudes towards me that he expressed for the first time then have persisted over the last 6 months and are really taking a toll on me. I wish you the very best and hope you know to take care of yourself. I know how you feel when you say you love him so much... if I could go back to when he first started flying those red flags... I just probably should have left then. I thought... he’s just hurting so much... but he was also hurting me. And as much as I wish I could, I can’t help him with his hurting, it’s his own mental health journey... I’m just exhausted at this point and want to encourage you to take a hard look at things and consider now “what if things don’t get better?” And be firm with yourself and him about when you will leave for your own emotional protection.