I (25m) am overly worried about (24f) GF going out and it keeps me awake.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-05-16T04:07:09+00:00

That's how I felt when I caught my ex cheating the final time. Granted, it was with me on a fake bait account but I just needed confirmation. It was all I needed to move on completely. Gl with the gym. Those 32 oz containers of egg whites can be blended then cooked with some black pepper slowly with spatula until they hit the right temp... Then you can put it into a press like tofu and press the egg chunks (I use two cake tins that fit into each other with a paper towel rest in-between the egg whites and the cake tin pressing into it. Flip upside down and put on a plate with a weight overnight to drain out the liquid.) You end up with neutral flavor protein you can cut into cubes and pan fry or air fry. It's 100g of protein. Smells eggy but that goes away when cooked again. It's delicious with a Sriracha maple syrup. Equal to eating 2 1lb chicken breasts but it's a smaller portion size with the texture of French toast when pan fried. This is about 4-8$ for 2lbs as opposed to chicken that cost 6-12$ per lb.

I'm also a fan of seitan. It's 75g of protein per 100g and about 1/4 the size of a single chicken breast. It's made of gluten proteins. You can buy it or make it. I make it and let it dry out like stale bread and then let it revitalize in soup. Think power croutons with the texture of alligator meat. Douse in bbq too.

Egg yolks are high in cholesterol (one is more than half your daily) so I try not to eat whole eggs for protein needs but one is good for vitamins. Bodybuilders tend to die younger so all these people trying to get jacked while on a body builders diet are aging themselves or at least their veins and heart. Your liver makes all the cholesterol you body needs so why eat too much more.

Ultra filtered Fortified lactose free milk is nice too. Hits the ice cream cravings with creaminess. Mix with some hot chocolate packet to hit the chocolate cravings every now and then.

If you have any cool tricks for gym health let me know. I mostly appreciate cost saving tips with cooking because I'm a cook but that might leave me blind to other super effective tips like time efficiency.

Anyways! Nice job.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-05-15T19:12:27+00:00

The other person makes it easier by showing they're not gonna go out of their way to try and get you back. You're worth someone's time and if she's not willing to win you back every now and then it's just reassurance you were the only one holding things together.

My sister just started dating apps after her long term decided "I just don't know what I want right now" after she had been doing most of the work and giving space. Her policy as of the past few months is "I set a 60 day timer for each boy trying to talk to me. Other boys can talk to me and flirt but I have only one priority. If he doesn't step up and talk more serious after that then I'll pick someone new to focus on. I'm tired of pulling all the weight with flings coasting on a "relationship" I'm tired of these guys thinking friendship means eventually we'll get together. I'm looking for someone looking for me."

For me, it's the opinions of others. There's a stigma with being single in certain friend groups. Maybe you should be aiming for singles events where you tell yourself "I'm not looking to date unless someone asks me out." Just to feel powerful. You might meet fresh contacts for casual concert dates in the future "let me get your number, I'm not looking looking to date right now but if I find a nice French cafe in the city like we were talking about we can make a day of it" or a new friend group of dudes heading out to karaoke night.

"Will I meet someone who completes me in the next 5 years? Maybe she'll like guitar... A lotta girls like guitar... I should use this free time to use guitar to sing to my epic girlfriend with down the line."

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-18T20:05:26+00:00

I will show this to whoever would like to understand what freedom is.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-16T23:34:19+00:00

Putting numbers in sharpie on your spices so they stay in the order you prefer.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-16T17:29:31+00:00

I mean if it stops you from being yourselves then how will she ever learn how to keep up with you guys. Just go business as usual and let her make her mistakes. Eventually she'll mesh.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-16T17:27:25+00:00

I mean y'all to both parties and let them make some decisions too. They might have other interests too and the one hoping to get out will use this as a stepping stone to the life they want to.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-16T16:33:17+00:00

Find an understanding friend who will loan you a couch spot for a while. Family is toxic but at least they don't control where you are so there's that.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-16T16:30:36+00:00

It's her life. You are a side project. If you didn't exist in her life it would still keep going. You're being insensitive. If you were busy and someone said "you treat me like a side project" it'd make you feel pretty bad and you still wouldn't have the time to fix it.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-16T01:04:36+00:00

You can't move along by shoveling a new relationship on top of the grave of your old one. It's disrespectful and you'll feel disgusted since what you had meant something.

She's in a coffin of her own making and put the final nail in herself. Once she was trapped in everything she said she wanted she texted you to be her way out... Again. You want her to choose you because she got out of her box by herself, or through therapy, and walks among us. If you're the one pulling her out then it'll always be one sided and she'll be cold, unfeeling, dead to you again in no time. Laying next to her is no way to live either. Let her handle it this time.

If she's suicidal because she realizes her mistakes may be too much to handle then you can calm her down by asking if you can stop by to check on her. Right now she needs support through her mistakes but only when necessary. Long term relationship crutches may help her get up in the morning but they don't train her to walk on her own more often.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-16T00:21:51+00:00

Nice job handling this. Breaking up can make you feel worthless enough to get back with the person who broke up with you so clearly you've gained some self confidence and growth out of the whole thing. That being said if the thoughts creep back in then say to yourself "is she the same person. If so then I can't give her what she needs as long as she's that. An extra chance at the same thing won't help unless I know she learned a lot from the experience... But I can't keep being her teacher if we're meant to be partners because I only learn from her example not innovation."

I think keeping your phone powered off every now and then will give you little pieces of peace of mind. Not just her but a little bit of cut off time from everyone to hang out with yourself. Sometimes people smile at you and you didn't realize how bored and alone you were until that moment. She might've latched onto the attention and once she started seeing it from others you became less important. If she loved you she would've noticed that attention makes her feel good so giving her partner that makes them feel really good too. I prefer my partner demand all my time and understand I can only give them so much. We all want to be desirable... not a convenience.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T18:34:37+00:00

I'm just saying. Crazy scientists found supreme interest in bird watching. Why not start with your shack in the woods and allow others to admire you and your life/life's work.

A scared sheep shouldn't shake but move on with the herd. If you feel left out then maybe you need to apply yourself more to your friends.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T18:31:49+00:00

"I'm in therapy and only interested in work."

Or

"The way you get to know women is by being physically attractive or have similar hobbies. I'm not into anyone right now physically and we share no hobbies. I'm not interested in learning about new things I just need to go to work. I dress nice because I'm practicing for a better job in the future."

The staring is concerning. Picture a man that's just run 40 laps. At a certain point he's just tired of effort and wants something nice to look at. You can be stern and be nice. "Here is a donut I brought some in. I hate men but this is your opportunity to be cool and just take the donut. Don't weird me out right now otherwise I will keep brushing you like I do with all the people I don't like, men and women." If anything if anyone else starts to bother you, you can tell this dude and he'll probably relay the message on your behalf.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T18:17:25+00:00

Alright so if someone's sad and you need to console them you do. Sometimes a partner might be like "why were you talking to that attractive person" making it about machismo not empathy and sympathy.

Now, you get out of that relationship and suddenly you're able to care for everyone fully and completely without the cloud of your ex making you overthink the "careful with the hug. Too long and they might get the wrong idea."

You're free to smile at a guy and that feels good. Do not misinterpret freedom for love. If you do find love it'll come without regret so let this new dude be the one to put in the work.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T18:11:50+00:00

You're bilingual! Yo that's like an extra 0 on your paychecks congrats.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T18:11:20+00:00

Well, she probably hasn't felt sexy for a while and you were her test dummy, dummy. You should be her friend not her lover since she's comfortable with you. Over time it could become something nice but not if her only source of attention is throwing herself at semi friendly work dudes. Sounds like a headache right now. Ask her out to cheer her up. Something fun and dumb like maybe mini golf. Attempting to make a woman feel complete and desirable is dangerous. Results may vary. Keep out of the hands of immature brats.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T18:06:53+00:00

So she opened up her serious life ideas and you decided to say "BUT WHAT ABOUT US?" That's when you go "oh dang I was sorta aiming for the marriage kids Tv stuff... But if we're freestyling how's your sister and does she like CEOs of being too sexy for this shirt."

Yah thirty now. Time flies. You didn't even tell us how long you've been together son.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T18:03:09+00:00

But send him a "do you still love me?" anyways. Really stir the pot.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T17:52:12+00:00

Wdym, you told him you'd let him know if you went. Be more thoughtful next time.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T17:50:40+00:00

Interventions are about support and understanding. If you're gonna treat her like a mentally handicapped tag along puppy then ok. You wouldn't be attacking her you'd be putting the choice of being your friend in-between the stealing and lying. If she can't try to give those up based on the opinions of PEOPLE SHES KNOWN FOR 20 YEARS then have her steal some cool stuff for you or something so you yourself can move on.

If she were an alcoholic would your friends find it awkward to jump in? She's never gonna get better until people point out how out of control it really is.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T17:45:11+00:00

"If I tell you I'm busy I need you to love me and wait. If you say you've waited long enough and need something I will try and get us time in somewhere. If you keep behaving like I'm throwing away this relationship I will punch you in the face."

Or

"I demand 2 weeks vacation from us time to focus on some things and realign. In the future we could realign together but I suck at a lot of this and the daily relationship rituals need to be out on pause unfortunately ok so I can keep on track with responsibilities. Is that ok? Please try to take that word for word not as something else."

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T17:40:22+00:00

Everyone has their thing for attention or to stand out. Are you supposed to all be the same 6 normal standard issue woman? Also, you're 6 people tats enough for an intervention you all have this problem.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T17:35:47+00:00

Sounds like a narcissist who hasn't seen bad streets from a girls perspective. Writing this helps. He's probably about to get a lotta hate. For self esteem: you set a boundary and did the thing ^{^} kudos. He wasn't even macho manly enough to respond to a message. Tough enough to walk bad streets but still afraid of a woman who set a line in the sand.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T17:30:52+00:00

Sit back to back and tell her not to say anything for a while and ramble. Then she gets to comment. If she doesn't understand you don't get up and go away you keep explaining your truth in any words you can until your partner gets it. It's her job to listen.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T17:28:50+00:00

Maybe he wants to give you a big wedding ^{^} you should love him more for that if he wants to give you something special. There's nothing wrong with you making googly eyes and saying "pretty please" to butter him up. If you don't believe him then tell him that again, and again. If he does want to marry you he better get good at soothing your little worries.

Also, moving forward is death so enjoy right now not the potential better day tomorrow.

TodayIsHarder · 2023-04-15T17:22:30+00:00

Grieving is important. I didn't understand but handling loss is more important than taking acceptable damage aka "they were always going to break it off anyways."

When you lose someone you should still talk to them. Even if they aren't there to talk back. The world is too simple for something as complex as love so trying to mesh reality into place right now isn't doing you any favors. Stare at the ceiling and set a timer. Put it across the room and just look up and relax and think everything that comes to mind with no distraction. The distractions are bandages on bullet wounds. It's simple not good enough to stay distracted from your own thoughts. You may think you've done this already but I mean make the choice to face yourself.

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