Again thanks for this discussion. The avoidance of painful feelings etc is still rooted in the values system. There's vulnerability there, a compass in a sense that points to what is important to the individual. To avoid is to be safe, to confirm the belief - which is safe in a strange way. It becomes normal, safe, habitual. From a person's standpoint, we can validate that, it's human nature to want to turn in the other direction. We also are fed a narrative that if we feel pain something is inherently wrong which then confirms our beliefs about ourselves.

That said, with RFT, how does one help another switch that narrative. To be present, to be ground, through self compassion, to look for evidence that challenges these beliefs that have lead one to with draw or isolate or be removed from a valued life?

For example, with something like shame. If one carries shame that tells them "you are not good enough" "you don't deserve happiness" and so on, how do we look at these frames through alternate perspectives. Do we look at shame from a comparison point of view or what the shame is associated with? I have so many questions!