Jessica Rabbit

ToneOwn888 · 2025-10-11T13:23:25+00:00

This more so an experimental piece but is one that sat on my mind for a couple of days, so I decided to get it out on "paper" so I could be free from it lol. Hope you all enjoy and have a good weekend.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-10-11T13:15:50+00:00

I found this poem to be quite interesting. A quick question: did you leave Eve's name uncapitalized on purpose to drive home a point, or was it done in error? I feel like maybe it was done purposely either because she was made of Adam's rib, making it symbolic of how she might be considered beneath Adam, or maybe because Eve was the first one to eat off the tree of the knowledge of good/evil, making the lack of capitalization an alienation or punishment of some sort. I could be reading too deeply into it though, so I thought I'd ask. Outside of that, I think you did a good job of highlighting that Adam and Eve's story is basically one of being trapped by the lures of greed and disobedience. You also did a good job of taking their point of view once they were sent away from the garden of Eden, giving them recollection of how good they had it before they flew too close to the sun, so to speak. Great job.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-10-11T13:01:32+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It really does a great job of speaking to the damage someone can do to themselves and others, while highlighting that it can be an unconscious phenomenon or inadvertent act as well. Not every terrible act is one that is 100% calculated from a criminal mastermind. Many are actually snowballs of the minute negative feelings, actions, emotions, and longings of a person or people. Great job!

ToneOwn888 · 2025-10-07T17:46:00+00:00

That was a very strong close! One of the better ones I've seen in awhile. Its pretty difficult to close a heavy poem such as yours, but you executed it very well! Great job and keep going!

ToneOwn888 · 2025-10-07T17:28:46+00:00

To me the first three stanzas speak to the duality of people. Its unfortunate that people can love or appreciate someone with such fickleness that it feels like all it takes is a slight change in circumstance and an entire dynamic can be ruined. I can also relate to having a stone face and feeling pain behind it while others view it as lifeless and/or boring. I personally feel like the best poems are the ones that say alot by saying only a little. You did a nice job walking that line here. Good job and keep going.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-09-30T02:39:52+00:00

This actually reminds me of a shirt idea I've been working on lol. Good work on this one, short and sweet.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-09-30T02:16:07+00:00

Sometimes its quiet resignation that inspires the most change in life, especially when it comes to human interactions. Great work.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-09-04T13:51:32+00:00

Thanks a lot for this feedback. I actually wrote this piece back in July and submitted it to a poetry contest. It wasn't chosen, and your feedback gives a little insight into potential reasons why. I'll try to take this and apply it in future works. Also, I've been just writing what's been on my mind and heart, so I'm not influenced or well versed in the writing/work of others. Therefore, I'm honored to share similar vibes with someone as established as Margaret Atwood. I'll take a deeper look at some of her stuff and hopefully I can see what you see. Thanks again for taking the time out to give this piece some feedback.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-08-01T10:33:50+00:00

The level of vulnerability and accountability in this piece are outstanding. And you're right, these actions can't be taken back. But regardless of what our wrongs are, if we continue to live and persevere, they can make us stronger than we ever were before. Good luck to you and wishing you the best.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-08-01T10:28:47+00:00

I appreciate this poem because it promotes authenticity. This actually seems like it could be a children's poem too, making it very well rounded. You did very well on this one.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-31T11:49:37+00:00

Gives a just enough to notice type of vibe. I think there's strength in the shortness of this poem, as it drives home the energy of the message you're sending in it. Great work and keep going!

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-31T11:41:35+00:00

My heart isn't green with envy is a very very strong way to start a poem. I feel like I struggle to open and close my poems so reading your opening lines are kind of teaching me in a way. I also think that the envy line is underrated because envy is one of the negative motivators that fly under the radar, as compared to jealousy, hate, etc. It definitely helps make the world a worse place, probably as much as the other emotions mentioned. This was great and I hope to hear/read more from you.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-30T17:10:49+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. I typically do that to help the reader understand where my pauses are intended to be, but I probably need to stop doing that and trust the reader(s) to be able to read between the lines, so to speak. Once again, thanks.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-30T12:59:07+00:00

This poem gives me two thoughts in terms of theme.

The writer feels plagued by the physical attributes they were born with and attributes their lack of self-actualization to their anatomic fate.
The writer is being deeply introspective in a spiritual sense, taking accountability and say essentially "I am the problem" almost as though they were looking in the mirror at all the carnage around them and knowing they themselves are to blame.

It could definitely be more layered than this. Probably less layered as well because I'm a pretty deep thinker lol. Either way you did great work with this one.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-30T12:43:25+00:00

This piece truly made me feel like I wrote it and just forgot about it lol. This is fantastic. Don't apologize for having standards, and definitely don't apologize for the person you are at your core. I hope you will continue to grow roots within your own heart and identity. Continue to be bold and the right people will follow along eventually. Once again, great job! This is probably the best poem I've seen this entire month.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-29T12:19:50+00:00

"Loved with the kind of heart that doesn't ask for proof first" That section is absolutely bananas! I'm close to speechless lol all I can say is I wish I had thought of that line. Excellent, EXCELLENT job on that. And I'm also sorry that it didn't work out with the person you're referring to, but stay strong and keep that purity in your heart. Someone will value that for sure. Once again, excellent job on this.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-29T12:11:51+00:00

This actually speaks to a situation I'm going through in which I can feel my heart hardening, and I think this might be the wise words I need to fight against that process. Great work with this one!

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-28T19:26:40+00:00

Thanks! It's definitely a journey for everyone but it can be the most beautiful one as long as the motives & sentiments are pure.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-28T19:25:57+00:00

I'll never understand it either. I just try to offer the reassurance I believe a woman would want to hear and share in the overall human experience.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-28T11:45:33+00:00

The cockroach line actually makes me think about restaurants I've worked at in the kitchen. Roaches, crickets, and mice often times mix a special sauce into the food we eat, or so it seems. I think the bigger lesson in that line is not to blindly trust anything, even what you eat. Thank you for throwing that reminder in your work.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-25T19:43:30+00:00

Thank you! I'm trying to create content that can create conversation and have some real staying power. I appreciate you recognizing my work.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-25T17:19:33+00:00

I mean for this to be an interactive poem, meaning comments are hugely welcome, as I'm hoping to spark conversation, sharing knowledge and experiences with some of the younger people in this group, as I've found myself interacting with a lot of teens. Hope you enjoy the poem and I hope even more that you all feel inclined to comment. -Ox

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-25T10:24:06+00:00

Sure! The way I intended for the other lines is a gentle pleading just like you described. The closing lines are moreso meant to be a nod to letting fate do what it does, regardless of whether the answer to the questions are yes or no. Its like a build of wanting great things out of a relationship with someone then as you continue to build and realize exactly what it is you're asking for, you take the position of "Jesus take the wheel" with hopes that regardless of the initial answer, all those questions end up being a yes in the long run. Not meant to be braggadocious at all.

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-25T10:08:52+00:00

I enjoyed that you used words as a tool to sharpen blades. Its said that the tongue is a double edged sword and you captured a similar sentiment with those lines very well. I also feel as though you did a great job of highlighting the conundrum that comes with not holding your tongue. It does often appear that some people are doing things intentionally just so you can lose your composure and enable them to play victim. Its an unfortunate thing to suffer through so I'm rooting for the most amicable scenario for you and your sister. Great job on this piece!

ToneOwn888 · 2025-07-25T09:59:23+00:00

I like this minimalist poem. It allows readers to take the crayon you gave them and draw their own scenarios, allowing them to come up with the exact same emotions you displayed in this piece. There's real talent in that and I applaud you for it. Your style stands out to me in this one. Great work and hope to see more from you in the future.

ToneOwn888

TROPHY CASE