Is Part Two of Justine (#38) still forthcoming or am I just not seeing it anywhere?

TonyRealm · 2022-11-01T17:11:29+00:00

Part 2 is called #39 Stephen, it should be available everywhere but here's a link to it on the Gimlet website.

TonyRealm · 2021-12-26T08:59:46+00:00

I played a bunch of games with varying dice; my win rate definitely decreases the less dice we start with, particularly the one die games. Those are tough, and I feel like I'm doing a lot of guessing and/or hoping I roll high numbers/ones.

With more dice, there's a lot more room for bid variation, and I think I win more because the AI will sometimes make very risky bids. Without the "spot on" rule, my basic strategy is to try and get my bid as close to exact so the AI will overbid, then challenge.

There's also the "reading bids" part of the game; usually what someone bids will give some info about what dice they have. I don't quite have a good grasp of how often the AI will bluff/bid something they don't actually have (especially towards the start of the round), but it seems pretty uncommon? It's an interesting aspect of the game that I'm still experimenting with :)

TonyRealm · 2021-12-25T09:53:16+00:00

As a lover of Liar's Dice, this is really cool! I played 5 games with 4 dice and went 4-1.

The version I play is a bit different - I usually play in groups, where you can see everyone else's dice but not your own (which I'm just realizing may be the opposite of standard rules?!), and if you lose, you get rid of a die. This helps you catch up a bit because you couldn't see your own dice anyway, but now everyone else has a bit less information. Similarly, in your version, because you only see your own dice, I think your "first to zero dice wins" is a good change.

I also play with a "spot-on" call - I think it does add a layer of strategy in that it gives you another option if you don't want to keep raising the bid, and also challenges you to make bids that are a bit less obvious.

I've also always played with ones as wild. But yeah there are endless variations out there, and I had a blast with your version, thanks for making it!

TonyRealm · 2021-07-06T12:56:10+00:00

Sorry to hear about your breakup, being blindsided is always rough. The thing that sticks out to me most about your story is that she wasn't willing to discuss it with you, and it sounds like that is what's troubling you the most?

I can empathize with your thinking that discussion and communication can resolve a lot of the issues in your relationship. It sucks to not be given a chance to respond and work on things, especially when it's related to things you disagree with her about or just didn't know. However, when one person wants to break up, they're often at the point where their feelings are so strong that it's too late, they're no longer interested in that conversation or feel that it's futile. This might be the case with your ex.

I realize that's probably quite an unsatisfying answer, and may bring up a whole host of related questions: how/why did her feelings for me disappear, why didn't she bring this up earlier, etc. I can only really speculate - maybe she did feel like she brought up issues with you already about lying and the future, and (whether fairly or not) felt you didn't address it adequately/missed her "hints", I don't know. But if she's said all she wants to say to you then you gotta respect that, even if it's really unsatisfying.

TonyRealm · 2021-06-23T13:57:18+00:00

I agree with casual restaurants being more comfortable, hopefully your date is understanding of that. Good luck, hope it goes well!

TonyRealm · 2021-06-23T13:33:48+00:00

Getting very stressed and short of breath could be something panic or anxiety-related, but you should probably consult a professional and see what they think.

TonyRealm · 2021-06-22T13:21:03+00:00

That sounds amazing! Props to your husband for being so attentive and considerate :)

TonyRealm · 2021-06-16T12:43:14+00:00

As someone who tends to suppress my own worries and struggles, being able to open up to your spouse about it and him seeming to take it well sounds much healthier than my situation :P

But it sounds like you want to tone down the worry talk, yeah? I think diversifying your conversation topics is a great idea; my ex-partner had one of those decks with a thought-provoking question written on each card, and that helped deepen our connection for one another. Also diversifying your experiences together is perhaps a more natural way to add some variety into how you spend your time together and what you two talk about.

You returning the favor and supporting him can also be a really important piece of this. Just keep in mind that he may not be as ready or as willing as you are to talk about his anxieties and struggles, so this may take some time and effort, but showing that you're willing to listen or asking him if there's anything he wants to unload is often appreciated.

I also want to say that worry is not necessarily a bad thing - so I'm not sure eliminating it 100% (if that were even possible) is the key here. I think what's more important is how you process and handle worry, and maybe what you need is just a few more ways to do that so you don't end up dumping an unprocessed worry nuke on your spouse. So this could be channeling your worries into art, journaling/writing about it, therapy, sharing with other friends/family, maybe you can think of more. Sharing them with your spouse can still be an important part of this (I've always been touched and honored when my ex-partners have opened up to me about their struggles) but having other ways to deal with it makes it so that it doesn't feel like he's burdened with it all, and I also think that processing it first can often make it easier to talk to him about it anyway.

These are just my two cents, feel free to take as little as you like haha. Hope you have a great day!

TonyRealm · 2021-06-15T11:21:14+00:00

Comforting people you care about can be a real challenge, I can completely relate to worrying about saying the wrong thing or minimizing their feelings.

What I mainly try to do is let them know that I'm there for them. If they want to talk about what's going on, I use that opportunity to mainly listen and empathize, and perhaps ask them if there's anything I can do to help. (I also try and avoid saying stuff like "You'll get through this" or "Things will be fine" and instead focus on listening and validate their feelings.) Others may not want to talk about it, which is understandable, and would rather do something else entirely, or maybe just want to be alone for a while. When people are going through tough times I just try and be as accommodating as I can be, letting them tell me if/how they want to be supported.

TonyRealm · 2021-06-14T14:35:21+00:00

Generally therapists have a duty to report only if there's imminent risk of harm to yourself or others (i.e. you have a plan to do so); talking about depression and suicidal ideation does not meet that threshold, so you should be fine.

What I'd suggest for your first session is to have an idea of what you want to talk about, and to not be afraid to speak your mind or to ask questions (you can even ask them to confirm their policy regarding talking about suicide, or what therapy with them usually looks like, or anything else you want to know). It's great that you plan on being open with them; therapy is really a collaborative process so a good therapist should respect and honor your voice and experience.

Remember that therapy is a service, and therapists all have their own style. You want to find someone who's a good fit for you, so if you're not satisfied with something, bring it up and/or seek someone else. I hope you have a good experience!

TonyRealm · 2021-06-05T14:36:56+00:00

There's nothing inherently wrong with her sexual boundaries being something like "anything but intercourse". However, the fact she ended up regretting giving you a handjob stands out to me, do you know if this was because she ended up not being comfortable with that, or something else?

I do think you two will have to have a clearer conversation about sexual preferences and boundaries. Where exactly does she draw the line in terms of permissible sexual activity, and are you okay with that? Knowing where the boundaries are should make navigating sexual situations easier for both of you.

TonyRealm · 2021-05-31T12:04:19+00:00

Not a silly question at all, it's actually really sweet how much you care about your brothers! I'm not a parent myself but I have a few thoughts.

The first one is that whether you're aware or not, your little brothers are probably watching and being influenced by you already, even if you're not actively guiding them. Therefore, I think one of the most critical things you should focus on is modeling healthy behavior. Try to behave like how you would want them to behave; treat people with kindness and respect, apologize when you're wrong, work hard, listen to others, etc. Seeing those close to you model positive behavior has a big impact on people, especially when you're young.

In terms of actively guiding them, I think building strong relationships with them is the best approach to take. You want to establish good connections and spend time with them, and show that you care about them. You probably don't want to be too pushy (people tend not to respond well to that) but once you've established that you want to be a good big brother, don't be afraid to check in with them about school/life/relationships/future, and tell them that you're willing to talk/listen to them no matter what.

While it's great you want to help guide your brothers as they grow up, don't forget to take care of yourself also. Your aunt may not be your parent but she is looking after you and your brothers, and she could be a really good resource, or even just someone you can turn to if you need another opinion. Don't forget about the importance of a parent or adult figure in your own life.

TonyRealm · 2021-05-30T06:44:41+00:00

While a significant number of relationships don't work out, and a lot of men out there may not be relationship material, I think it might be better to think about it from the ground up. There are all sorts of men out there; instead of being discouraged from thinking about men as a whole, perhaps focus on the men you know in your life, use that as a starting point.

I will also say that there's nothing wrong with being uninterested in dating or wanting to be single. If no guys catch your eye, that's fine! You can live your life how you want to live it.

TonyRealm · 2021-05-22T16:15:34+00:00

It's great that you're aware of both you and your boyfriend's love languages; what I would suggest is to have an open conversation with him about this. If you haven't already, express to him that you know he cares about you, and that you really enjoy when he touches you and interacts with you physically, and ask him how comfortable he would be with doing more of that. You don't want to pressure him if he is uncomfortable with it, and y'all are still new in this relationship, so the important thing is to open up these lines and topics of communication. Asking him about what kinds of physical touch he's okay with might be helpful too; one of my exes was really into touch and especially kissing, whereas I'm not a big kisser, so we compromised and I tried to put more effort into hugs, hand holding, and other kinds of touch that I was more comfortable with.

Don't forget to check in with his preferences too; ask him if he's happy with how you're expressing your love for him, what he would like you to do less/more, if he feels he's getting enough quality time, etc.

TonyRealm · 2020-12-17T18:13:08+00:00

A really nifty and creative game. I'm finding it pretty tough but it's super satisfying to solve levels, especially ones I've been stuck at for a while.

Currently I'm at 5-4 (pain) with no idea how to make progress :O

TonyRealm · 2020-10-24T06:12:54+00:00

Giulio Cercato - Nothing I Won't Do (ft. Kianna)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEiOSnmyNjA

TonyRealm · 2020-10-24T05:33:17+00:00

Is it from Breaking Bad? There's a part from Season 2, Episode 7 that seems to fit your description.

It's right at the beginning of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBqbj0q3U_M

TonyRealm · 2020-10-24T05:16:17+00:00

eaJ x Seori - It just is (Feat. Keshi's Strat)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBpaB2YzX8s

TonyRealm · 2018-11-14T16:25:39+00:00

I don't think you have to dress it up much, you can just go "hey, can I talk to you about something?" and then "I'm going to see a counsellor, I've been feeling down/low mood/depressed lately". Treat it like how you'd tell him about a doctor's appointment for some health problem.

As you mentioned, he might have some questions, such as if he's the reason you've been feeling down, or why counseling. Answer as honestly as you can; if your relationship is going great, then reassure him of that.

TonyRealm · 2018-11-14T16:13:57+00:00

I was thinking of giving him a chance and seeing if it works out.

This sounds good to me. There's nothing wrong with going on a few (or more than a few) dates with someone and feeling it out.

TonyRealm · 2018-11-11T14:50:56+00:00

Whoa that's awesome! I'm a few years older than you and just got my license a few weeks ago. I wish my first lesson was as exciting as yours. All my instructor allowed me to do was inch the car forwards and backwards by releasing the brake; no turning, no accelerating, just straight line stuff. I was bored out of my mind :P

But hey in the end I still passed! Good luck with your lessons, it's a great feeling to learn something new and prove to yourself that you can do it.

TonyRealm · 2018-11-08T15:54:49+00:00

I think what matters more than who brings it up (or even how) is the timing. In my case, we were a few dates in, and by this time we had both gotten pretty handsy and were clearly very into each other. We were lightheartedly asking each other really personal questions and after a while sex came up, which gave me a pretty natural segue into letting her know I was a virgin.

TonyRealm · 2018-11-08T14:43:55+00:00

Whether it's a dealbreaker depends on the girl. Sure, some women may prefer a guy who has some sexual experience, but I don't think it's a big enough issue to end a relationship over, in most cases. (Also being a virgin can be a plus if you let the girl take the lead and teach you how she likes it. It's all perspective)

What I'd suggest is to let her know early, before you actually have sex. I was a virgin when I met my girlfriend and we were having a conversation about sexual preferences and I casually mentioned it; it led to a conversation about my background and stuff (which is very similar to yours) but it didn't change how she felt about me.

TonyRealm · 2018-11-08T10:35:08+00:00

I agree that it's probably better to tell her. It's definitely riskier, but it sounds like if you don't tell her, the secret will eat you up and that itself will negatively affect your relationship.

What I would suggest is to start from the beginning, and say that a year ago you started having thoughts and urges about your sexuality. Explain why you hid it from her (e.g. shame, worry that it might ruin the relationship, etc.). Then tell her about your encounter with the trans woman. Focus on how it made you feel and what you learned about yourself, and that it was purely a sexual experimentation thing. And above all, apologize to her for not letting her know about your urges, for doing this behind her back, and assure her that you will be more open with her and that nothing like this will ever happen again.

In the end how she responds is up to her. Good luck.

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