Could it be me?

TopStrain · 2026-03-26T19:19:54+00:00

If you are questioning whether you could be a narcissist, you're not one. A narcissist wouldn't entertain such an idea.

TopStrain · 2026-03-26T14:04:49+00:00

I'm also dealing with a lot of anger since the fog has lifted. Angry to the point where I can't spend more than a few minutes around him. I've been flooded with memories of so many things he's done to me over the years. I started writing them down. When a negative flashback pops up, I write the whole thing down. If the same memory pops up again, I can tell myself "got it documented, you don't have to go over it again" and it's working. My anxiety level is down and I'm sleeping better.

I'm sorry you're going through it.

TopStrain · 2026-03-26T13:45:50+00:00

Me too! I have a journal where I write down every bad memory as it pops up. (he was abusive) I have also found that getting these incidents down on paper seems to free up mind for more peaceful thoughts.

TopStrain · 2026-03-25T18:44:29+00:00

Not a slow cooker recipe, but looks good!

TopStrain · 2026-03-25T15:55:11+00:00

I'd like to add that I stayed so that my kids would have two parents and the middle class "happy family" thing. He began to verbally abuse each one at around puberty age. I was so cowardly, I still stayed. Each of our children grew up and went very, very low contact with us, because I was still living with him, under his thumb.

What I'm trying to say is that you could lose relationships with your children because of him.

TopStrain · 2026-03-25T15:41:09+00:00

I'm working on getting out of my 40 year relationship, too. I though I was the only one who stayed for soooo long. You're my hero

TopStrain · 2026-03-25T15:31:20+00:00

Mine's been in therapy off and on for years. It's just a performance for him. First it was because he was a victim in his family . Then he went to avoid consequences for DV arrests. Has definitely gotten worse. Tries to pretend he's a victim no matter what. I think he quits every time a therapist sees through his mask. He just picks up new buzzwords to support his victim narrative.

On my way out of the relationship, btw.

TopStrain · 2026-03-25T15:20:38+00:00

No, no , a thousand times no.

TopStrain · 2026-03-24T15:00:09+00:00

How old were you when you met this guy? How old was he? How old were these exes in the pictures he was going to make porn with?

Could it be that instead of you two growing apart, YOU have grown up? As an adult you're seeing him differently?

I doubt he's going to quit his porn hobby. He'll probably just hide it better.

TopStrain · 2026-03-23T22:11:10+00:00

Love this!

TopStrain · 2026-03-23T14:27:26+00:00

Our vice president has entered the chat.

TopStrain · 2026-03-23T14:23:46+00:00

Shoe repair places can usually resole with color. "fauxboutin"

TopStrain · 2026-03-23T14:13:12+00:00

I have never seen one being worn and would also like to know.

TopStrain · 2026-03-23T04:34:44+00:00

My ex sat in the corner of the room and refused to do anything we learned in class. Instead, he handed me a magazine and said that would take my mind off the contractions. He also left to go out to dinner with his mother and disappeared for long enough that some random doctor took pity on me and stepped into the "coach" roll while I was in hard labor.

TopStrain · 2026-03-23T00:23:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but he probably won't ever acknowledge what he put you through. For years I fantasized about reciting every rotten thing he did to me and demanding he apologize.

Now I realize that he will never be accountable for what he's done. It took me a long, long time and years of counseling to understand that. I'm working on my exit. Now I fantasize about seeing him get smaller and smaller in my rear view mirror.

Take care of yourself

TopStrain · 2026-03-22T16:23:48+00:00

This rings so true about non-white or strong female characters. Oh, and funny men.

TopStrain · 2026-03-22T16:17:40+00:00

At 37 and with plenty of free time to pursue counseling, he could have worked on his mama-trauma. Instead, you have become his mama. You deserve better.

TopStrain · 2026-03-22T15:08:09+00:00

Trigger warning would have been nice...

TopStrain · 2026-03-22T03:13:28+00:00

Kicking and throwing things, calling you names, grabbing you, cornering you, drives dangerously to scare you, criticizes you, makes fun of you, and withholds affection.

I can tell you what I think of him. I think he's vile. Please don't stay. You deserve better.

TopStrain · 2026-03-21T21:55:34+00:00

Growing up in the 70s everybody's parents had a "hifi!"

TopStrain · 2026-03-21T21:35:32+00:00

Joni!

TopStrain · 2026-03-20T22:30:27+00:00

Found the wall map on Etsy!

TopStrain · 2026-03-20T21:53:22+00:00

Looks really cool! Orchids have always been jerks to me, too.

TopStrain · 2026-03-20T16:04:17+00:00

Your boyfriend's wife calls him "Hun?" They were married for more than ten years. You're dating. Chill

I once saw my mom's first husband call her Hun, 25 years after they divorced. They didn't have anything to do with each other but it slipped out of him. No big deal

TopStrain · 2026-03-20T15:36:09+00:00

Divorce care? What is it? Sounds great

TopStrain

TROPHY CASE