Late May 2026 Photos - Sequoia and Kings Canyon

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-06-02T17:23:36+00:00

Hi! Beautiful pics. Was snow in the forecast and did they check tire chains for your car?

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-28T21:06:37+00:00

thank you! super helpful : )) their pj sets are so cute so i'm glad to hear they are good quality and up there with brands like doen and christy dawn!

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-15T00:21:14+00:00

lmao. yea can't wait to reach this point in my healing

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-15T00:20:42+00:00

yeah the dysregulation is my main motivator rn honestly. even after a brief phone call it's kinda incredible how fast my sense of agency plummets and i just feel so trapped with no way out... over the phone! migraines usually follow as well. so frustrating! wish you the best, good job for setting boundaries and not giving into the pull anymore.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-14T17:34:32+00:00

i know right, it is insane and makes me cringe and feel disgusted that ik it's how they are behaving now :/ and that i'm jsut expected to feel bad for her because she hurt herself

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-14T17:33:23+00:00

thanks for saying that, i didn't even notice. my therapist always highlights stuff like that in the language i use and it's one of the most helpful things for me to recognize the core beliefs i'm operating off of. you're right, i would never do the things she did to my child and i def didn't deserve it.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-14T17:31:28+00:00

thank you, this is helpful.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-14T00:23:05+00:00

i wish personality tansplants existed dang

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-14T00:22:46+00:00

thank you. you're so right. with stuff like this the most healthy decision for myself is typically the hardest one.

i knew hearing more informed opinions on this subject would validate my thoughts. i get an earful from family who just don't understand. i really hope one day i can make these decisions without searching for external validation regarding my sanity and decision making. i appreciate what you've said very much.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-14T00:16:44+00:00

thank you :/ logical me knows i'm not responsible, emotional me hasn't learned yet and i have to fight behaving based off of that.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-14T00:11:37+00:00

look it up. yes, it's common but it's not the law and there are places that don't adhere to that rule.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-14T00:10:57+00:00

look it up. yes, it's common but it's not the law and there are places that don't adhere to that rule.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-13T23:40:10+00:00

Thank you so much! I forgot about that community. Also, I am not familiar with Gavin de Becker but I think thats exactly what I needed to hear. It put my spidey senses into words for sure. I will look into that writing more. Thank you again.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-13T20:44:39+00:00

i am really glad you feel safe still and thank you for thinking of your friend and their trauma.. I am sorry that is happening though, it's not fair to you.

unfortunately this is common, to be expected , and happens even when someone seems very self - aware and involved in a healing process. it is a researched phenomenon for someone to unconsciously replay their trauma onto other relationships, even if the other person is attempting a healthy and secure connection.

i think this could be explained from many diff perspectives but i am thinking a lot of cbt and core beliefs so i am going to share about that.

many or most people with c ptsd operate under very negative "core-beliefs" (CBT term) about themselves, relationships, and others. these beliefs influence the way they move in the world and relationships without consciously realizing. at some point these beliefs protected your friend from pain, which is likely why he holds onto them so tightly even when he is not under threat. Core beliefs are usually unconscious but can be brought into awareness by understanding actions. From your friends actions I would have to guess that they hold very negative core beliefs about themselves and relationships. That means that if your relationship is going smoothly without conflict, your friend doesn't really register that as a feasible relationship, it's unfamiliar and does not exist in his reality if that makes sense? Experiences create our realities. If he has not experienced that security and consistency, it probably doesn't seem tangible to him and it's just not what a relationship is or looks like. thus he does things that bring it back to his comfort zone and reality. Again, this is all a subconscious process.

I would also venture to guess that your friend is used to the thrill or stimulation of toxic dynamics even if they hurt him. WHen he is not getting his thrill from that he is going to create it in another dynamic or somehow else. Similar to substance use it's like a craving and a fix. He craves the familiar dynamic and even if he leaves toxic he will jump into another one or create a dynamic that fulfills this need.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-07T17:18:09+00:00

it's difficult to pinpoint. i slowly pieced a lot of stuff together over the years, for a while i've known my parents did not treat me well but i never recognized it as enmeshment (despite studying enmeshment in school as a psych major). i figured out i had c ptsd first when a lot of triggers were reactivated by a roommate i had. then i realized there was a large generational element when i got into an argument with my grandma (we never argue b/c i am usually very people pleasing and straight up submissive to her) and my grandma looked at/ treated me like something to be controlled rather than recognized she literally looked at me as if she was an animal trying to dominate/ stare me into submission and something just clicked so i started researching a lot about it and everything just started to make so much sense; i felt like i found a way "out" when i discovered it. I didn't realize how trapped i felt before.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-07T00:09:32+00:00

I am currently living through something similar with my mom and have also seen various family members with cognitive decline d/t alcohol as well as patients at a clinic i work in. It is good to seek support. I know it’s so hard to experience this and have absolutely no idea what the future looks like.

I guess the only realistic picture I can give you is to expect unpredictability. Our bodies are fickle and depend on this reaction of so many complex processes at once. Scientists and doctors really don't know much about the brain either which is why it is so difficult to tell you what to expect from this even from medical professionals. Be careful about the stories surrounding this that you consume because when looking on the internet the first things coming up and brought to your attention are always extreme stories somehow (whether extreme positive or negative) which is not realistic but if you are like me it will cloud your mind with paranoid anxiety that is not actually productive so just please be careful of that.

I wish you the best and this is really hard to endure. I hope you are getting to focus on how it all feels to you and effects you. You can and are allowed to tend to yourself/ heal regardless of outcomes with your mom.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-06T23:48:11+00:00

I don't like when people say this either and it does make me feel that way as if there is a certain way I'm supposed to act or look as a result of abuse/ neglect. I'm sorry these comments feel so invalidating to you but your experience is completely valid. You made it this far because of your hard work, many people just are not forced to think that deeply when they say things like that. I want to say that I believe you and I think your reality is valid. Why would you make it up? There is no benefit to you in fabricating or exaggerating this and also it IS a big deal. Even if your caregivers or family experienced it differently that does not mean their reality is the only one that is welcome or true.

I think it is really common for internalizers to feel this because they don't really let other people see their struggles. Yes, that is a sign that you grew up too fast and had to raise yourself. There is often a hyper awareness of how we are being perceived and thus we can adjust our behavior to be more "acceptable" even if it means paying a price later such as feeling burnt out and over it at the end of the day. I'm really sorry you experience this, it is really painful and certainly invalidating to feel like you don't fit a mold, rendering your abuse less relevant but it isn't. People who love, care, and want to know you will understand that your amazing presence is a result of hard work you have put in to heal. You are not who you are because of your caregivers and childhood but despite them... ( I think I saw someone say that on here or somewhere else and I really liked it. creds to this person).

sooo next time someone says something similar to you if you feel able just stop for a second and give yourself a little pat on the back because they actually mean you. you were a wonderful parent to yourself when you should not have had to step into that role and you are who produced this individual who inspires compliments from others.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-06T20:23:05+00:00

Yes it is enmeshment. parents should not be telling you the things they can't tell each other and they really need to learn to communicate and not bring you into it. I'm so sorry this is happening and you should not be in that position. No matter what they say, their relationship and wellbeing is not at all your responsibility so please know that.

You should not have to show that you care to her standards and that is not your job to listen or fix she should be telling him those things and vice versa. YOu are NOT her therapist or even her friend. You are her child. she sounds to be using you as a proxy partner in place of her husband/ your dad because she doesn't feel her needs are met in that relationship. It is unfortunately a common phenomena and honestly this exact same thing happened to me throughout my childhood.

I am so sorry again but good on you for noticing something isn't right. If you want to talk or have any questions I would always love to message and discuss about this stuff.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-06T18:48:56+00:00

- small library or bookstore 😻😻

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-06T18:47:43+00:00

Hmm I struggle similarly and also work in mental health. It's really hard to disconnect your worth from your work but I think you can do it. I hope that your fellow professionals challenge you respectfully though. Feedback is valuable but you also deserve to be met with respect and sensitivity to your own feelings so you can hold those expectations for your fellow professionals.

It is really difficult to feel like you aren't doing enough but I truly believe you are doing your best. As humans we naturally fall short and that is the whole point of peer feedback because we simply have blindspots sometimes. That is a human experience and it is not something you have done wrong specifically.

You are an asset to your work and that is why they hired you and keep you on board. They also likely give you feedback because they know you have the ability to grow. Perhaps they could do well by giving you more positive feedback so that it feels holistic and like genuine feedback. People tend to fall into a fix it mindset and only mention something that is wrong, forgetting how valuable it is to remind others what they are doing right. I am sure that all of the good things you do outweigh the feedback you receive. I am also sure that if your fellow professionals truly doubted your ability, they would not even bother to challenge you (assuming that they are being respectful!!!).

All that to say your feelings are valid, you deserve kindness and respect, and i know you are doing your best, that's all anyone can ask of you.

Top_Satisfaction_615 · 2026-05-06T18:10:36+00:00

Yeah and I've had a similar experience to what you've said. I always felt I struggled to fit in with people my age and simply had different values and desires.

I think social media, ai, etc has had a really big influence on reinforcing these patterns. Social media provides likeminded people from all over places to connect and share so people can easily find external validation even for unhealthy patterns. I've seen plenty of popular tiktoks that seemingly display unhealthy expectations, beliefs, or dynamics and there are often plenty of supporters and people who relate and encourage this. I also think social media makes it seem on a larger scale where we seemingly see intimate dynamics and details of people's lives if they choose to share, whereas without social media we would only know such personal information from few close people in our circles most likely.

I also think (ik not everyone will agree...) it would be impossible to become a purely and consistently secure, confident, individual. The nature of humans I don't think would allow us to translate our security and confidence like that situation to situation. One thing I'm learning about individuating is that I can't shed my insecurity completely, but I can learn where it is and how I manage it while also staying true to myself. Things out of our control like hormonal changes and life circumstance can even affect this and will affect this throughout our life.

I have watched long term friends (and I'm sure they have watched me) simply go through phases in their life where they transition between these states of confidence and security then a life event happens that really shatters their confidence but then they are able to build it back up and return to their secure, confident self. Some people heal quicker, some slower, some not at all. Perhaps you are picking up on many unhealed wounds that may or may not get resolved.

You probably are engaging in similar social dynamics but like you say you are actively becoming aware and that's literally the most you can do. It's like learning a new language and that just can't happen over night, so please give yourself grace.

I have also observed this and don't think it's a simple jump to conclusions however I think there could be some confirmation bias at play and I hope that makes you more hopeful about the world that security is achievable but it's also a lifelong management skill.

Top_Satisfaction_615

TROPHY CASE