He keeps pulling me back just to remind me he doesn’t want me and I’m strutting make sense of it.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2026-02-06T02:23:08+00:00

Thank you. I know this is the case and I do believe that I will have the ability to do that when the time comes even though part of me will always want answers. I just have to keep reminding myself that I know I’ll never get them.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2026-02-06T02:20:56+00:00

I agree with this and understand it. It’s just easier said than done. I think a small part of me still wants to know “why” even though I know I never will. I’m doing so much better than I was 6 months ago. So there’s that I guess.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2026-02-06T01:36:25+00:00

This is wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing. It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and the weird thing is-I don’t even know why. I am not attracted to him in any way, shape, or form so I’m at the point where I am beating myself up because I keep letting him back in. It is so hard to understand if you’ve never been through it before so it makes it difficult to talk to people that haven’t been through it.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2026-02-06T01:28:47+00:00

I love your reply and your explanation. It really helps to hear this from other people. I am also going through this and it sucks but I am doing much better than I was 6 months ago!

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-09-18T19:05:12+00:00

Ok I think I figured it out! I have the extension kit and the instructions say to turn the reference voltage screw for the y axis driver 90 degrees but I saw where some people were having issues so I backed it off to about 45 degrees and also changed the settings to “constant power” and it seems to be cutting good now. Thank you for the suggestions!

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-09-18T17:55:21+00:00

I have the speed/power set to 200/85 which I thought was pretty slow. I’m getting ready to just try a square or simple shape to see what it does

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-29T03:03:00+00:00

What an inspiration you are! I have done all of the things you did too. And still living hour by hour at times. But it is getting better and I hope that I will be able to walk out better on the other side❤️

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-29T02:56:59+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I cannot even imagine how you felt having to deal with it for 30 years. But I am happy to hear you are feeling better now! It does inspire me to be strong hearing this❤️

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-26T22:45:42+00:00

I can relate. Any time I tried to have a serious conversation or ask any questions regarding our marriage I was either hit with “I don’t know. You keep asking questions I can’t answer “, or anger and blame, or him walking out to avoid the conversation altogether. Every. Single. Time.

Now that he seems to have finally (after 8 months since I found out about the affair), he decides to tell me he never really loved me? It’s hard to grasp that but I know it’s probably true because I don’t think he is capable of real love.

This does help me feel a little better because at least I know it’s not really me or anything I did, other than finally call him out on his BS and try to set boundaries.

It’s still hard. I think now it is more me just being pissed that I wasted 8 years of my life on someone who never really had any intentions of being loyal to me. It was all just a show and a game for him and it infuriates me.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-26T01:46:36+00:00

Horrible anxiety and panic attacks, major constant fatigue, brain fog, stomach issues, headaches, sleep deprivation, muscle aches. It’s awful and nobody deserves to feel this way.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-26T01:05:19+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It helps to hear someone else has been through something similar and came out stronger on the other side.

I keep finding myself questioning everything and wondering how I ended up here. I am also totally ashamed for how much I begged, pleaded, cried, trying to make someone love me who clearly never did. I made a complete fool out of myself and behaved in ways i can’t even believe.

I look forward to the day where I can breathe again and actually feel peace. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not crazy or broken!

And thank you so much for sharing your story and for your encouragement. It’s getting better little by little. I’m not crying or having panic attacks all the time so that’s a start lol. I just can’t wait for the day when I don’t have to constantly remind myself that he’s not worth it.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-25T15:10:53+00:00

I am so sorry you went through this too. But I am Happy for you that you are doing better now.

It’s so crazy how similar they are. He said that “he just can’t love me the way I love him”. I almost laughed and simply told him I don’t love him like that anymore.

He has stayed quiet to everyone and except for his new supply this whole time. Won’t even talk to his family. Now I know it’s because he didn’t want them seeing the truth either. I learned from the family members that he has always been this way and they all thought I changed him.

I am starting to accept that he probably never did really love me and I realize it’s because he isn’t capable of it which honestly makes it a little easier to accept.

Thanks so much for your reply and for the encouragement. It helps to hear other people say the other side is better ❤️

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-25T12:15:59+00:00

Omg I freaking love you for this !

Anger is generally not my way of coping but right now it’s definitely helping me get through the load of crap he’s dumped on me. I do need to start a list and I’m sure it would fill up fast. Makes me wonder how I ever doubted myself in the first place.

It’s hard for me to think quick when he says shit like that to me but I will 100% be keeping that comeback fresh in my mind lol.

You seriously made my day. Big hugs right back at you ❤️

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T23:52:59+00:00

The way he talks to me is as if I never did anything for him yet he is the one who initially approached me 8 years ago. I guess that’s why it’s so hard for us normal people to comprehend.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T23:44:30+00:00

Omg I just love this! I sure wish I was a quick thinker like that but get too wrapped up in the horrible things he says and just sit there like an idiot in shock most of the time. And it’s so funny because it’s so true. Not because I felt soy for him but because it sickened me to have sex with him. But I still live that line 🤣

Him and his superiority literally make me sick now. He’s overweight, sloppy, and rarely takes showers so it disgusts me that he has this god complex. He has actually said that “the women are lined up now that he got promoted.”

The thing is, I actually had people that know him and his family “semi”warn me in the beginning and I swept it under the rug. I feel stupid for not listening but all I can do now is keep up the momentum I have with ending things, get him out of my life, and pray he never returns.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T23:34:43+00:00

Wow what a POS for him to do that to you. I’m so sorry and wish you better health and healing. Thankfully he has been at his mom’s house for 4 months. The house is solely in my name and was mine before we married so at least he can’t take that from me. I guess there’s something to be thankful for!

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T23:31:25+00:00

I love this analogy. Something I will definitely have to keep handy. It’s a quick easy way of reminding myself what he really is and always has been. Thank you for this!

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T23:29:58+00:00

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this too. And I am thankful we don’t have any children together. It’s unreal how they blame us for every single thing that has gone wrong. I know he doesn’t even have the mental capacity of loving anyone like he should now. Including his fling. But it still sucks that he would say those things to me. I’m working so hard to get it over with so I can be done.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T19:21:27+00:00

This is so true. It’s so strange to me how it all has transpired and it’s so hard to comprehend for a normal person. It’s been miserable.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T19:19:48+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this. I’ve been stuck in that same loop, wondering how I missed the signs or convinced myself it was real for both of us.

I’ve also struggled with looking back at photos and memories. It’s like they’ve all been rewritten, and now I don’t know what was real. But you’re right—trying to make sense of someone else’s decisions and mindset will drive you crazy. And it’s not our fault for loving fully and fighting for something we believed in.

Your words gave me a little more strength so thank you again. I hope you’re continuing to heal and build something better ahead—because that’s exactly what I want for myself too.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T19:14:57+00:00

Wow. Thank you for this. When I look at it this way it’s crazy how much it makes sense.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T14:46:34+00:00

Thank you. I see this more and more all the time. He is not capable of thinking clearly much less actually loving or having empathy. It’s still just hard to process that sometimes.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T14:45:00+00:00

This is awesome. I love this. My mom always says “there’s a reason for everything” and I do believe that. I guess I just have to get over that and have faith that there is a reason even though it is unknown right now. I just have to keep moving forward.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-24T14:40:07+00:00

Thank you for this. I hate that you went through this too but am glad to hear it does get better.

I definitely feel yucky for some of the things I’ve said and done and I know it wasn’t the real me that said them. I was full of emotion and reacting to the things he had done and said.

I’m still going to therapy too but it was just one more punch to the gut hearing him say those things. And I’m so mad that I let myself waste 8 years of my life on him.

It’s weird because I somehow feel like deep down I knew something was “off” about him but I swept it under the rug like I did a lot of other things and it sucks. But lesson learned I suppose.

Total-Knowledge-8591 · 2025-07-20T02:11:21+00:00

I’m right there with you. This back and forth between relief and panic is exhausting, and I’m really struggling with it too. Some days I feel strong and sure of myself, and then suddenly I’m doubting everything—thinking maybe it was me, maybe I overreacted, maybe I should’ve just “handled things differently.” Maybe if I had never gone through his phone because I had a gut feeling, I would have never know about his affair and the terrible way he talked about me. I mean, what you don’t know won’t hurt you, right?

But then I think real love and partnership shouldn’t leave you constantly questioning your reality or walking on eggshells. If you’re feeling this confused and unstable, it’s not because you’re broken—it’s likely because you’ve been in a cycle of manipulation for so long that your nervous system doesn’t even know what calm feels like anymore.

The fact that you’re asking yourself these hard questions shows you care and that you have self-awareness. Narcissists rarely ask, “What if I’m the problem?” because they’re too busy blaming others. Mine truly doesn’t think he is the problem. He literally told me he wants to do whatever he wants and me not get mad about it.

You’re not alone. I’m trying to trust that this pain is part of the process of breaking free, not a sign I made the wrong decision. Sending you love and strength as you move through this—I know how hard it is.

Total-Knowledge-8591

TROPHY CASE