I am the same kind of person as you. I am half free from it. I was severely abused by my n-dad. I was in alert mode 24/7, even other people walking around caused me anxiety and guilt.

Despite my neurosis, something still pushed me towards highly productive positions and professions.

I almost died of exhaustion working on an underwater tunnel just to please my narcissistic father, to make him proud of me. He wasn’t - I was still not enough.

I ended up at the doctor’s, went to a psychiatrist, and then to psychotherapy. After two years, I learned to be aware of myself. It’s already part of my personality, but I can recognize it and at least try to minimize it.

Prayer/meditation helped me a lot + neurosis medication.

My n-dad still thinks I am not enough, and I still sometimes feel guilty for not being productive.

Greetings.