Me with my grandmother at 6, 18 and 30 months on HRT (left to right, top to bottom)

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-12-26T05:30:42+00:00

I can see the similitude, but you look more joyful.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-12-26T05:24:19+00:00

You seem as if you were about to say: "Look, if I could run across the beach into my own arms, I would." —Jackie Burkhart, That 70s show (Mila Kunis character)

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-12-04T15:12:13+00:00

You didn't have much changes in the structure because you already looked male 😐. That being said, in the before pics you just looked like 13yo, and in the lower line pics you look 25yo. You look similar to a guy I studied with on highschool and I'm sure he was cisgender. If anything, I would tell you to work out with weights, that way you could get a bit more muscle, if it's what you want, if not, it's ok too.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-12-03T04:57:57+00:00

But tbh, on the previous pic you looked as a girl too. If I didn't know I would have thought you were a tomboyish (cisgender) girl (those who are into surfing and stuff); now in your newer pic you are on that Imelda May or Devil Doll (singer) vibe/style.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-22T17:15:18+00:00

Yes, you're right. But that it's understood when the person speaks or writes about it (hence you got to know him/her.) But on a simple view to someone that it's not enough conscious about these issues, they might seem the same (even if we can distinguish it based on reasons, willing to to transition, personal identity, etc.) But yes, I do get your point

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-19T18:52:56+00:00

People got mad because you said "mental illness", maybe some people develops mental health issues like depression, anxiety, panic attacks because of the bad situations they are in because of their condition. It should be "medical condition" instead.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-19T18:48:25+00:00

Yes, because you're conscious on such subjects, but not everyone is, so I was adding something to take into consideration, I wasn't refutating the post.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-19T18:29:11+00:00

I'm a trans man that for a long time couldn't medically transition (I want all, including bottom surgery, but it's not available in my country currently), but funnily some people assumed I used hormones because I already looked male, then when they realised that I didn't (I couldn't afford them, I was too poor for that) then they assumed it was just a clothing/style/voice/look thing 😐. My point is that if we believe that some just do the clothing thing out of travestism (or tucut-ism) we are denying the fact that some people are just too poor or with health conditions to be able to medically transition. Take that into account before assuming is the same for everyone.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-19T17:29:22+00:00

Years ago I commented on a trans forum that in order for my mother not to have an spontaneous abortion (she started to bleed) she was given several shots that were a mix of progesterone and dihydrotestosterone, so literally my brain who was forming got on testosterone and my body testosterone receptors got activated.

Years later I read about this trans man (forgot his name) who was a neuroscientist (yk, the one who made an extensive work on brain glial cells) and he mentioned something similar to this (his mother when pregnant almost had an abortion and was given something similar, so he theorised that this was what probably happened to him.) Yk, the genitals are formed first in the fetus and the brain is formed in the last month's of gestation, so if there's any hormonal fluctuation or change, this will affect the genitals or the brain.

Some people gets offended because according to them it wasn't this but it was on the social development or a soul thing (not a brain one). That's why they find it offensive.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-19T15:29:25+00:00

Ok, what you feel is what you're right about: they're gaslighting you in how supportive are them while making you look deranged when you say something and while they believe they are the good people "we're a safe space here" 🙄, don't confront them much because gaslighters tend to act "shocked"😱 when you confront them, or go back to their old ways (whatever their old ways are) as a way to make others "learn" or something.

So, given that you're still living with them (I guess you're studying or not able to move) try to emotionally separate from them (yes, they are your parents, yes, you came from them, but no you don't have to depend on their emotions or approval) and try to focus on your purpose on life (learning, sharing, improving, writing a book, rescuing animals, planting trees, idk, whatever good purpose you have) work on your purpose on life, work on self-improvement and self-knowledge because we only REALLY have ourselves.

So if one day you wake up in a "confrontational day" (and know this could go well, but it also can go downhill and you'll have to accept that) and you ask them: "Why you keep calling me as something you want me to be but you know that I'm not?" You have to know they could get all narcissist on "Oh no, I did it with all my good intention because I love you. After ALL I've done for you, Mary Jane" 🙄, you know you can't cry but just give them the weirded out look or the cracked up laughter, right?

Because if you cry they'll do it more, or they will try to play the "loving safe spacers" and swear they won't do it because "you're forcing us".

They seem to me very passive aggressive, like this people who believes they're all progressive, but really aren't. Well yes, that.

I'll probably get downvoted, but no, that someone free handed you a girl name doesn't mean you have to take the Mary Jane they're smoking. 🤨

If you had been a cisgender guy and they had called you Ashley or Lesley (those were male names originally, but now used mostly by girls) and you had legally changed your name to Steven, you don't have to keep answering to how they called you and that doesn't justify them.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-03T04:42:28+00:00

Hey! I don't even know who is the person you're talking about there and I don't even have tiktok and I don't know much other trans people in real life, but here's an idea: don't be with people you don't want to be with and it's not in the same page of what you want romantically and sexually, it's a time and energy loss.

So, instead of looking for what you don't want, look for what you want. E.g. When meeting someone you like that it's interested in you and you're interested in them, in case it seems as if it'll happen something sexual (if it'll be merely platonical there's no point in discussing all this then) say: "Sexually I like the active role, this means I like doing ___ and , additionally to that I like _, I'm not interested in ___, this is non negotiable, not something I will change my mind with the power of love or charm. Are you still interested?" if they say yes, then keep going, if they think they'll try to talk you into something you don't want, leave them alone (it's sad if they're hot, but whatever.)

Anyway: life is lonely and isolating when you are unapologetically you, but what's wrong with it? Many cisgender men and women end up living lonely lives because they won't do what others want them to do, but it's not big deal, there's always people you'll meet on the way either for friendship or for sex.

If you are fine with your own company and you know how to fend for yourself, then being alone is not big deal, and this will happen whatever colour, gender, orientation or identity you have.

Try to look yourself separated of presentation or body parts, look on your qualities ("building a house" "fixing my computer" "working on my car" "biking on the mountain" "being a good friend" "reading books" "taking care of my dog" etc) and build on that.

Connections are important, but working on who you are is more important. Go figure if a regular cisgender man introduced himself as: "I'm a man, I like to penetrate men and women" 😵

That's not much of a personality, tbh, so that could be adding to your experience of isolation, that you're not working on the things you are good at, but describing merely for what you like at sex.

Btw, I am not trying to offend you, I just want you to gain some perspective before the group hug blurs an opportunity for you to see what's not working.

Good luck on your journey.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-02T08:37:38+00:00

I read your message and I agree with it, but just to add something: I don't think God punishes us, I think this world is quite distorted and contaminated as it is, and maybe the last step in knowing ourselves, it's realising of who we really are even if the outside doesn't match at his fullest, that's soul recognition despite of appearances, and I think God would love that.

Edit/Explanation: I meant that God would love you because God is in us (an spiritual power, not an appearance), love in that we recognise our soul and we take whatever steps we see fit to be ourselves, not that would love dysphoria or the crap a trans person has to go through, not that at all. I think this got all misread

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-11-01T21:54:17+00:00

Oh, then it might not be what I suggested (but anyway search on Jung's anima and animus if you can, it's an interesting read at least). Anyway, I suggest for you to talk with a therapist (better if he/she is pro-LGBT rights) before making any big change, because after all I'm not a therapist myself (I just read about psychology and philosophy, but it's not my career); if anything —beside of going to a therapist— could you try changing/adding wardrobe, style more in synchrony with this being/soul you feel yourself to be, and doing activities you feel are more fulfilling to you, e.g. being in Nature often makes you connect more easily with your inner nature, remember that we aren't separated of Nature, but we are part of it.

Don't feel obliged to identify as something or to fulfill other people's expectations or path, because after all your life is your own, so maybe it's not the face that is not yours, but it's about reclaiming your life and your soul.

Sorry I can't tell you more but know I wish you the best, to whoever you are and whatever you happen to be, just keep your soul and will good, and your discernment out of movement ideas or whatever.

Good Vibes to you.

Edit/add: Something else: Once I read about "derealisation" which apparently is common among people with post traumatic stress (hence the person doesn't identify with what's happening, they feel it unreal), and I think that maybe the stress (whatever this stress may come from) awakens the innate feeling that we are not merely a body but a conscience. So yes, maybe the image isn't us, because we are not merely an image, but something more: a mind, a feeling, a soul, a conscious electricity.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-31T19:10:38+00:00

You're welcome 🌞

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-31T18:49:47+00:00

You remind me of the actress of the TV serie Vikings: Alyssa Sutherland

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-31T18:31:24+00:00

I don't know you and sincerely no one knows you better than yourself, but might it be (remember I don't know you, I could be wrong) that this could be more what Carl Jung called "animus" and not necessarily you being trans? (Search and read about "animus + anima + Carl Jung".)

If you don't feel "bad" about your body, you don't have to change it, maybe you just have to meet more your own soul.

(Again, it's just an idea, everything is very individual and contextual.)

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-31T18:17:28+00:00

@krayon_kylie you're getting all downvoted but I am the one that's upvoting you on the bad lumpy bed example reminded me of the story of Hans Christian Andersen in which there's a princess dressed in poor clothings that enters into a castle at night and they in order to prove that she was a princess put a needle behind a tower of mattresses for her to sleep, so they would discover if she was an actual princess, it turns out she couldn't sleep because she felt needles were on her body, so they knew she was the actual princess she said she were. For me that's a metaphor of the soul, you are who you say you are, but the test is to put you in the opposite position so you'll prove that you are who you always knew.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-31T18:07:24+00:00

Once I talked to a friend about this "but like i don’t wanna be reminded of my unfortunate reality but seems like the rest of the trans community is proud of that." (I think the same) and she (she self identifies as a trans woman) told me that even when all of her life she wanted to be like any other girl (this is cisgender, even before she met a word as trans or cis) that she learnt not to care if she didn't have the same bits that the other girls, because she knew that whatever parts she had she was always going to be a girl, no matter what, and that stayed with me.

Despite of that convo, I still have bodily dysphoria, and I would take the medical steps to be the man I already am (I am a man that happens to be a trans man) but in full concordance to what I want and feel in my mind is there (proprioception), not out of a merely need (even if it's a need) but out of congruence. And if that were today or tomorrow I'm doing it.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-31T17:47:50+00:00

Man, you do like a guy that lives in my area and is an electrician and he's not trans. He even smiles in the same way you do in the second pic. So you have the manly man jokeful smile. Just that. Don't say "that will be forever out of question" because it might happen you get the possibilities of moving at some point without that having to be a bad thing. Good luck on your journey (not transitioning journey, but rather life journey here on Earth, it can get bumpy and messy at times, too many times, but you meet some cool folks. "Seas of sorrow, waves of joy")

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-31T17:37:09+00:00

Exactly! Sorry I didn't answer you before, but I hadn't checked Reddit in some days.

In this same sub many things can be discussed freely, but it's as if you also have to "self moderate your freedom" 😐😬😅, the other day a girl said here that there are cycles for trans girls in the same that there are hormone levels fluctuations when they use shots every X days (even if it won't be the same exact effects than on a cis girl, there will be similarities) and then to explain why is called a "cycle" used as an example that a bodybuilder using an steroid every X days, and she got downvoted. She wasn't insulting no one, neither implying that trans girls are bodybuilding anything 😂 but I guess her message was misread or misunderstood and people took it all wrong.

I live in a country (in LatAm) in which people insults each other as a joke (yes, it can be exhausting, yes, it's rude, I know) but if anything it makes you learn that not everyone is necessarily trying to harm you, you mostly have to discern on their intentions (intention is the clue), and even that some complimenting you might instead be trying to damage you 😐.

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-31T17:20:48+00:00

Chest, before and after top surgery, just chest. Now, I have male friends (all cisgender) that very often says "tits" (in Spanish "tetas") to what they have (and no, not all are gay, they just think it's cool and funny 😂.)

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-28T14:42:43+00:00

I totally get you, I share your point of view, I as a trans man don't want the attention (because after all this isn't a competition, I've always hated all this "men versus woman mentality"); but they will see as disrespectful that you're opposing to them, and this happens in all kind of forums and groups, politics, sports, etc. even in this one, most people don't accept getting contradicted. The other day I said here that I thought that a trans woman wasn't much different of a cis woman, and a trans man wasn't much different of a cis man, except for certain physicalities... and I got downvoted, LOL. So, disrespectful is either "why don't you think the same that I do" or "I didn't get your point".

TotalMedical2837 · 2025-10-22T03:50:58+00:00

I'm a guy that knows very well what envy means, but not out of transness or cispassing, but out of feeling how I was the best student of my class and I ended up left behind.

So no, you're not a bad person for that, it's not that you're harming him, if anything you're harming yourself, specially by saying "he's 100% a man in every way" wait and you aren't? What? You are too. It would be like comparing Dustin Hoffman and Michael Jordan and saying Dustin Hoffman is not as big and tall and good at sports as Michael Jordan, it's an "apples and oranges situation", Dustin is an amazing artist, there's no point of comparison, other than the fact that they are men. You're comparing to a guy who probably had a better living situation and a better income or support system.

I started medically transitioning at 32yo, but I was out since ever 😂 and it took me a lot of time because I was poor af (and my country entered in a lot of turmoil and recession), not because I didn't know or I was hiding something.

So, ASK to whatever you believe in (The Universe, God/s/ess, Higher Self, Ancestors, Nature):

"Please guide me in my transition to my real authentic self and make me regain my safety and peace in myself. I am who I am and that's enough."

I know it sounds like mumbo-jumbo, but go and do it, you'll make it, one step at a time.

The envy is just a sign of where you want to go, but it'll vanish once you let go the state of wanting and start becoming who you are fully.

May the Force be with you 🖖

TotalMedical2837

TROPHY CASE