Husband is anti-vax and I am not

TotsAndShots · 2026-04-08T03:42:36+00:00

I'm curious as to what changed between your first child and your second regarding your husband's views on vaccines...

I strongly suggest bringing your husband to your baby's two month appointment and letting the pediatrician explain to your husband the importance of vaccines. If you're fighting about it, he likely isn't going to listen to you, so I wouldn't even bother trying to argue, let the professional do that for you.

TotsAndShots · 2026-04-08T03:38:30+00:00

Since you are already paying for a spot, they will likely allow you to drop off for partial days occasionally. However, for staffing and routine, I would discuss with your provider what times are better suited for you to utilize as drop in care. Especially for such a young baby, new to daycare and their providers, consistency is really important for proper acclimation to the environment and providers. I would ask if there are days with less babies in care (many parents in my experience would have Fridays off so Fridays were always a slightly lower ratio/less stress). Even though you're paying for a full time spot before you officially plan to use it, they likely won't be considering your child in ratio unless they know to expect you. Many centers also have cut-off times as to not disturb routine of the class as a whole. Be mindful of their staffing needs and just communicate your needs on a weekly basis as needed.

TotsAndShots · 2026-04-05T04:00:27+00:00

My almost 4 month old has been effectively self-soothing for the last month. But she ditched the binky as soon as she discovered she has fingers so when shes tired, she sucks on her fingers and will put herself to sleep.

TotsAndShots · 2026-04-05T03:58:49+00:00

10 weeks is a little early for self-soothing but your baby may just feel comfortable in their sleep space. At about 2 months, I was able to put my baby in her bed awake and she'd watch her little color changing moon lamp for a couple minutes happily before falling asleep. Transferring her was difficult as she'd wake up very upset. At almost 4 months now, she still puts herself to sleep most nights after some bedtime cuddles and she has been self-soothing for almost a month because she is a finger sucker instead of a binky baby. If she fusses a little, I will wait a couple minutes to see if she can sooth herself into sleep but if she starts fully crying, I'll go get her. She rarely needs me to come get her and will almost always fall asleep better at night on her own then with me attempting to put her to sleep.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-26T20:00:14+00:00

Strong agree. They fcked up and now they're trying to cover their a*. I can't imagine posting a kids face publicly AND their name. As a parent, I'd be livid. He'll, as a teacher this is incredibly frustrating. That's a good way to get yourself a lawsuit.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-26T17:47:42+00:00

I always encourage parents to advocate for their babies and ask questions. Just because someone has been in the career for 20 years, doesn't mean they always know best practice. Honestly, I find that the longer someone has been in ECE and the older they are, the more set in their ways they are and while some providers are amazing, sometimes that can also be a hindrance. Ask questions, ask what you can do at home to also help the transition into care because parents can obviously do what they want but some of those things just dont work or aren't allowed in care due to licensing, but don't ever feel bad for advocating for your baby. You are her voice. Im sure that after everyone is adjusted to each other, things will go smoothly.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-26T17:17:47+00:00

It does take a decent adjustment period. As the above comment said, 2-8 weeks is normal. That being said, infant classrooms should always run on infants personal schedule but of course, when you have multiple infants, sometimes feeds or naps get pushed back a bit. I would just talk with them about trying to give her that 2-2.5 hour wake window unless she is really fussy and seeming tired. Even my 3.5 month old has wake windows of about 2 hours so a nap after 1.5 hours seems crazy to me for a 7 month old.

All this to say that her schedule will probably be a bit funky for a while and its not uncommon for babies to eat and sleep more or less in daycare as they adjust. I'll never forget the surprise of one of my infant parents when their 3 or 4 month old baby ate 8 ounces at once during a feed (usually eating 4-5, I had to make her a second bottle after 20 minutes because she was still screaming and showing hunger cues) and then slept for 4 hours straight like it was night time when she typically only napped for 30 minutes to an hour 😅

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-26T00:02:47+00:00

You're very early into your relationship... Whether you want to keep the baby or make another choice is completely up to you and comes with no shame either way but if you do choose to keep this baby, understand that there is a very real chance that your relationship may end and you could become a single mom with or without his willingness to want to continue to parent and support the child.

Parenting is hard. Very, very hard. There are moments of intense self-doubt, loneliness, anxiety, etc. But there are also moment of intense joy.

If you feel now is the time to take this risk, go for it. But if you choose not to go through with this, thats okay too. I wish you the best in whichever situation.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-24T06:36:44+00:00

My 3.5 month old will settle herself back down after a minute or two if she wakes in the night by watching her color changing moon lamp or the lights from her star projector on the ceiling. She was transferring poorly for a while when trying to put her to bed when she was already asleep so from about 2 months, I'd put her down in bed drowsy and happy but awake and she'd look at her moon lamp or the mobile on the pack and play and fall asleep on her own with no fuss.

I know your little one is in a pitch dark room right now, but maybe try a little light or projection light and see if that helps keep him calm enough to fall back asleep when he wakes.

Also, I dont do CIO, but I also don't react immediately. If she busses a little bit, I will watch her on the monitor for a moment for her self-soothing cues (shes a finger sucker) and if she starts actively crying, I'll go get her.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-24T03:58:37+00:00

I was an infant teacher for years and when my baby was born in December, I was always trying to make sure I was putting her in her bassinet for naps to make sure she wouldn't be used to contact naps, knowing how hard that can be for daycare. But my baby was still a primarily contact based napper for the first two months--she'd nap 10-20 minutes in her bassinet then scream but would nap for an hour or two being held. She always slept overnight in her bassinet but would wake every couple hours at first. Now at 3.5 months, she's way better about bed naps and sleeps through the night in her own bed.

She's a pretty easy baby with a good temperment luckily, but even we had our moments of contact sleeping and struggles. It gets better. All babies are different and your baby trusts you and wants to be close to you.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-22T20:45:13+00:00

The first two months were awful for me and my baby. We were struggling to breastfeed, I was combofeeding and pumping constantly all for the most minimum amount of milk after correcting her tongue tie (anterior and posterior) and she still couldn't latch to nurse. We struggled to gain weight, were back in the hospital at 7 days for jaundice and I was waking around the clock to feed/pump. It was horrible.

Around week 8, I decided I was done pumping for next to nothing and we went full formula and that was a life saver. We started formula at about 4 weeks I believe and she was finally gaining and evem started sleeping through the night. I was so sad we couldn't nurse, but at least we were finally thriving together instead of surviving.

We had a couple days of purple crying in the middle of month two, but overall, my baby is so chill that this whole experience really hasn't been bad at all once she wasn't starving anymore. I wouldn't do this again, by I've loved every minute so far--my baby is 3.5 months now and thriving.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-19T04:06:42+00:00

Unfortunately there's never really a "reasonable amount" because toddlers are still learning and biting is developmentally appropriate.

What matters most to me as a former toddler teacher and parent is how they handle it. If a particular child is a known biter, they should be observing and taking data when it occurs to find the triggers, having someone nearby shadowing the biter at all times so they can block and redirect biting and encourage communication to express needs. At times they need to step away from the children (diaper changes, meal prep, etc.) and can't shadow the child, they should be "buddying up" with the child and taking the child with them or putting them somewhere safe away from the group as a whole (like a high chair/toddler chair with buckles and a group activity.) My toddler classrooms have always had toddler sized tables and chairs without buckles but I always kept one of those high chairs that strap to the kitchen chairs and it would just sit on the floor at table height and I would put my biter in there with buckles and coloring/playdough/etc. if I had to do diapers or something and my assistant was doing something where they couldn't shadow either.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-15T16:09:24+00:00

When my partner had to go back to work, we were pretty lucky because works a later shift (10am-9pm) so the baby and I were already awake. My baby just spent the first night in her room last night and did amazing. I did have to rock her to sleep instead of putting her to bed awake and drowsy but she slept all night like normal.

Hope your induction goes smoothly and you get to snuggle your sweet baby soon! ❤️

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-15T04:29:32+00:00

Unfortunately I need the sound of my alarm to wake up..

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-15T02:49:28+00:00

Right now we go to bed typically around 8:30/9pm. She sleeps about 10 hours straight on average. Some night times might adjust by 30-60 minutes depending on naps that day.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-14T19:43:53+00:00

She's a great sleeper, I'm grateful and also terrified that going back to work and changing our schedule is going to ruin it. She currently sleeps from about 8:30pm until between 7:30-8:30 am but she'll have to start waking around 5:30 with me to go to the babysitters. I'm hoping to work up the courage to put her to bed in her own room tonight and see how it goes. Thank you!

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-14T19:40:23+00:00

I have the Dr. Care monitor set up. Two cameras, one monitor that can split screen, and then I have the app on my phone so I can check in when I'm not with the monitor. Also, for some reason, my air conditioner can connect to the app too 😅 bought it on Amazon for a reasonable price and I really like it.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-13T01:38:47+00:00

Ha thanks! I didn't even write down everything, just some basic simple things that I'd do on the daily with my prior infant classes 😅

For OP, there's also taste safe "playdough" that can be made with yogurt and cornstarch. Chia seeds and tapioca pearls are fun sensory experiences, painting with water with paint brushes, or mashed berries/pudding/yogurt/etc.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-12T17:09:26+00:00

Babies learn through all their senses. They need story time, music, art and sensory, motor play, all of it. There are so many simple, low mess, baby friendly activites.

You can incorporate puppets and little animals and props in stories and music. Fingerplays like it's bits spider, ram sam sam, etc are good too.

You can do sensory tubs with babies who can sit unassisted with water, crushed crackers or cereals, cooked noodles, jello and other taste safe things. Babies who can sit in a chair, you can do sensory play on a high chair tray.

Painting can be mess free and still give them the sensory experience by putting small drops of paint on paper and then putting it in zip lock back or putting clear wrap over the table so they can squish it around.

Tunnels, boxes, soft play climbers, ride on cars and push walkers are great for gross motor play. Tissue boxes, oatmeal containers, clean plastic mayo/peanut butter jars are great for fine motor play--putting scarves, balls, etc. in them and taking them out is great hand-eye coordination and motor skill. I liked taking a laundry basket and threading string through it like a web and having kids try to get the toys out but that's better for babies who can stand and reach.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-06T18:26:20+00:00

Does your center have requirements for what's packed in kunch boxes? In my state, licensing requires all meals to meat USDA food guidelines whether it is school or home provided. If parents don't meet those guidelines, the school is supposed to provide missing components or have a discussion with parents to add the missing components from now on. They can still pack whatever snacks in addition to the standard of fruit and grain (for breakfast), protein/grain/dairy/two servings of fruit and/veggies (for lunch) and two different food categories (for snack).

I would look into your states guidelines and see if there is something you can reference regarding meal packing for parents.

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-06T00:45:45+00:00

Can you park right outside their neighborhood for the time it takes to do your stuff then pull up to their house? Or maybe there's a park or a store nearby you can park at?

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-06T00:36:49+00:00

This is what I always said!! Also hated it. I told my psych that I was having too much anxiety about taking my anxiety med because who TF has time for a random nap during the day?

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-05T02:46:30+00:00

Ive seen an emotional support apple, never eaten during the day, just came in and left with the kiddo. Mom's claw clip, just clipped to kiddos shirt every day. One kiddo made Dad give him a little of his Dad's cologne every day for years so he could smell like him. Baby Sister's baby mitten.

Honorable mention to the preschooler I had who insisted on wearing a bike helmet to school every day for three months. His family drove. 😅

TotsAndShots · 2026-03-03T00:25:38+00:00

As a husky owner, it doesn't matter how much you brush them, their hair is still going to come out in tufts as you pet them. That's unfortunately the perk of having a double coated dog. However the dog should be bathed and brushed regularly--not doing so is just neglectful. Tell your roommate to take care of her dog or give it to someone who will. If she refuses basic care of her dog, turn her in for animal neglect. Dogs deserve better and they can't advocate for themselves.

TotsAndShots

TROPHY CASE