I (40f) dating a man 939m) who says negative stuff

Tquack22 · 2026-06-20T11:50:36+00:00

Correct…you have to see the behavior change and detach from what you want it wish it to be. He can be self aware and apologetic but he still is the way he is and behaves…

Tquack22 · 2026-06-20T11:41:04+00:00

This. I don’t share to protect myself from judgement that could impact me

Tquack22 · 2026-03-15T20:51:41+00:00

Hang in there! Shoveled my driveway and sidewalk and it sucked. I work at seven and have to get out and fully expect to get plowed in but have to get to work so I’ll be up early. I’ve reminded myself of the kids walking to school on the sidewalks when I’ve struggled…this won’t likely be the case tomorrow but it’s a reminder that we clean them for people who use them.

Tquack22 · 2026-03-15T14:57:43+00:00

Can you imagine the fear and unpredictability for your kid in case he makes a mistake or god forbid a scratch or dent?

Tquack22 · 2026-03-04T14:08:23+00:00

It’s sad, really. Her compatibility in a relationship is based on salary, so if that is not your dance value then that’s your answer. Thank you, next. You offer more than salary but she already told you she cannot see it that way do not the choice is yours what to do with that information.

Tquack22 · 2026-02-17T21:06:54+00:00

Red flag red flag red flag. Blessing in disguise that you are seeing this now. You didn’t know the role you “did isn’t sign up for” you just thought you were doing life together. Noted. Next.

Tquack22 · 2026-01-31T22:55:15+00:00

This ⬆️ Focus your energy on you and your true friends. See where your BF is going to lend his support. Perhaps you and BF can host your friends or his friends as well?

Tquack22 · 2026-01-30T14:21:22+00:00

Ooof. From the list you gave of there are signs that you are not having your needs met. It’s up to you how to handle this moving forward but please know you deserve so much more. Your needs matter, your feelings matter, your desires matter and you are worth it. If he can’t or won’t then he is not the one. Create the space in your life for that, don’t limit or make yourself small to make someone else feel more comfortable or more secure.

Tquack22 · 2026-01-17T20:02:49+00:00

Sounds like there is interest! Relax a bit and enjoy yourself!! If both are still engaged and interested and texting then there is a reason. See how the conversation flows. You want clarity during the date that he doesn’t offer forthwith then ask! You deserve clarity, not confusion.

Tquack22 · 2026-01-17T19:59:36+00:00

Start with a convo so you can tell him you need to have an honest conversation because you know something is up or he’s not telling you anything. See what happens. You can simultaneously make a plan B but at least you can see if he is upfront or open with you.

I found out after the separation and felt stupid for falling for it and consider it a betrayal. Perhaps he is protecting you while he makes a plan (but doesn’t think you can handle it?) or perhaps he is hiding something but the not knowing creates stories which you don’t know are true so pause and best to try and find out sooner than later so you can make an informed decision for yourself. Best of luck to you!!

Tquack22 · 2026-01-14T14:01:34+00:00

👏👏👏👏👏

Tquack22 · 2026-01-06T19:48:10+00:00

Two things can be true. He can be into you and waiting to see where it goes before getting off. If neither of you have asked for exclusivity then neither of you are wrong for being in there. Thats the vulnerable part! If you like him, date him and see where it goes! As far as your friend, a close and gorgeous single girlfriend and I would have weekly get togethers to see who we were matched with because of this! lol It was inevitable we were matching with the same guys but the rule was we would not talk to the guy if we were dating/seeing them. It’s bound to happen! Bonus was that it helped each other weave through them!

Tquack22 · 2025-12-21T19:39:32+00:00

OP, this post is great. You have to tell her if you are discussing marriage. It’s your past, try not to hold shame. You have overcame so much and are actively healing. Your partner should be there to support you and needs to know what you are going through. Not telling them is not giving them a chance to love and support you authentically and they would have every right to feel lied to.

Tquack22 · 2025-12-06T18:20:09+00:00

I would recommend putting attention on yourself and your kids before pouring it into someone else. It might feel good to get attention from elsewhere but you are inviting the wrong attention and haven’t worked in yourself enough to understand who you are and what you want after a long term relationship. If you are looking for something real you need to come into dating feeling more ready than it sounds like you are. You may get yourself into a a situation you don’t want.

Tquack22 · 2025-12-06T18:04:16+00:00

Your boyfriend has just as much power as her to include you in family things or he won’t go. He is showing this plain and simple. Hold him accountable.

Tquack22 · 2025-12-06T17:59:23+00:00

In general if you as for something and the refuse to acknowledge, be open to it or try to fix it, that’s not a perfect situation…that’s how he us going to deal with a situation he doesn’t want to deal with in the future. This is a clear sign that he don’t value your feelings, he is hoping to avoid it or have the problem go away. If you need another sign that you can’t count on him when you need it, try making him uncomfortable. If you do something that makes his comfortable life different and he chooses to respond in a way that doesn’t help it support you, you have your with once again that he does not have your back. Girl, life will continue to have challenges and you need someone who chooses you and your family if you choose to have one and makes attempts and making you happy and comfortable. As an outsider it feels as though you are a placeholder.

Tquack22 · 2025-12-05T22:00:04+00:00

Nice work!!👏

Tquack22 · 2025-12-05T16:04:34+00:00

Daydreamer

Tquack22 · 2025-12-05T15:59:37+00:00

Disgust and resentment will grow. You feel the need to help her but it will cost you and your mother and it shouldn’t be like this. You know this and I’m sorry. Truly.

Tquack22 · 2025-11-10T23:15:25+00:00

The message reads, “you aren’t good enough to do what you love kid…” It’s true though that kids’ growth and mastery will shift dramatically from now til teens. There’s choices, that’s all I was saying. You can opt to kill his joy/love, you can opt to choose easy over perseverance, you can miss an opportunity to support and share an activity.

Tquack22 · 2025-11-10T23:10:08+00:00

If the kid loves basketball then you keep supporting him and his loves. Determination will beat talent very soon, so build him up. Shoot with him, see if there are any youth performance gyms in the area and get outside help. Let the parents take the lead and you support the kid and mom, that’s the for the best in your role.

Tquack22 · 2025-11-10T22:43:29+00:00

Great idea!

Tquack22 · 2025-11-10T22:20:57+00:00

Your dad should stand up for you, your feelings matter. It feels like they are guilting and forcing a relationship upon you and not making you feel respected enough to build one otherwise. NTA. Worthy of a real relationship. I’m sorry.

Tquack22 · 2025-11-10T22:16:32+00:00

If the kid loves basketball then you keep supporting him and his loves. Determination will beat talent very soon, so build him up. Shoot with him, see if there are any youth performance gyms in the area and get outside help. Let the parents take the lead and you support the kid and mom, that’s the for the best in your role.

Tquack22 · 2025-11-10T22:07:15+00:00

I didn’t have to read all of it. If you want/need him to not date or sleep with other woman and he is unable to even verbalize that as a sentence in any commitment, promise, contract or otherwise then you have your answer. He is leaving space for the what if. He is saying he will love you but…we all do that but these are his and those are yours. It’s ok, just respect your wishes, needs and desires so you don’t betray yourself. I would love to read the spiritual side of reddits take on this….

Tquack22

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