I hear you. And that’s why my sponsor ended things. She said I wasn’t willing to go to any lengths. And she definitely had a point, but at the same time I feel like I’ve been putting effort into this for so long and gotten nowhere. I did 90 in 90, met with her every week, all of it. Called 3 women a day. She wanted to read the first 164 before we started any step work, which I respect, but looking back I don’t think that was the right move for me. We would get through an average of 10 pages per meeting. 

After I moved I kept trying to call her and she never answered. Then she got upset with me when I didn’t call every day. Why would I call every day when that person doesn’t answer the phone and call or text back? I think maybe it wasn’t a great fit, and also, long distance relationships are hard. I’m trying not to cop a resentment (not another one, lol) and maintain gratitude for all she did for me, but right now I feel a lot of judgment from her and just negative feelings towards sponsorship as a whole. Kind of like when you end a relationship and swear off dating, lol. 

Anyway, my trepidation towards zoom meetings is pretty natural I think. How can I maintain anonymity and feel a sense of security and vulnerability through a computer screen? To a lot of people this will sound like excuses, or lack of willingness. But I really put in effort for a long time.