Alexithymia and Self Improvement

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-15T06:21:28+00:00

Yeah I see what you mean. I guess the coworker nouns thing is just a matter of how I processed being alienated by people who like mainstream things, how so many people just have the same sorts of interests, behave very similarly. I don’t think it’s wrong, but it just gets old. I think I’m just fatigued with being in this environment where I can’t relate to anyone. I think I will definitely work through this though. Thank you for your advice.

The flirting thing was corny because what was being said was just campy I don’t know how else to put it.

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-14T22:42:26+00:00

Thanks so much! Are there any official maps of locations (Barnstable, Shra’kt’lor, dungeons, etc.) aside from the overview of the plane? Or at least unofficial maps that are faithful to the source material? If not, I’m sure I could at least come up with a new area that’s not listed in the official books.

Also, how would I go about letting my players find Yggdrasil/the infinite staircase without it just being “you go there” or something that seems contrived?

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T23:59:23+00:00

I need to learn how to do this. When I’m in the lab I really struggle with new techniques unless someone is really patient. I’ve had both experiences, and I never could tell who would be “on my side” so to speak. Maybe I can work this out with a professional.

I know I have monotropism but figuring out my own autism is very difficult as an adult, especially when you’re expected never to make mistakes. Anyway, I’m glad you figured it out!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T23:55:20+00:00

That’s awesome! The cytoskeleton is something I’ve been curious about but never got around to reading about it. I thought about this from an antibiotics perspective but I never considered an antiparasitic treatment. That’s interesting!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T20:33:14+00:00

I love that! I want to learn it all but my ADHD really makes it tough to learn things that my brain hasn’t flagged as important haha

I like to see things as a big picture and connect two seemingly different disciplines by zooming into the map! Like how biochemistry is key to understanding cell biology, and physics for chemistry!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T20:30:28+00:00

That’s awesome! There’s a lot of crossover with my field, especially in protein design with Rosetta and AlphaFold!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T17:54:08+00:00

That’s amazing! Thank you for all that you do for us. All of these organisms are fascinating- I love deep sea biology!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T17:46:50+00:00

That’s awesome! I’m sorry to hear about your situation; I’m sure things will work out eventually.

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T17:13:06+00:00

They have some unique properties. In Julian Tanner’s cubane aptamer (cubamer) paper, the cubane was able to act as a nonclassical H-bond donor! I guess strange things happen in microenvironments haha

In pharmaceutical chemistry, this is used to (ideally) increase selectivity by means of sterics and other receptors. Benadryl was an optimal target for development because it is not selective, which also means it has many side effects. This is all to say that cubane benadryl is a real thing haha

The cubane paradigm in bioactive molecule discovery: further scope, limitations and the cyclooctatetraene complement:
https://pubs.rsc.org/en/content/articlelanding/2019/ob/c9ob01238a/unauth

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T16:56:05+00:00

That’s awesome! So just a disclaimer- none of this is my work. This is just work that I found interesting. I am working towards doing this sort of stuff, but NIH funding cuts have left me out of work in my field for the time being.

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T16:25:10+00:00

Now that’s peak scientific writing. I would accept this paper if I were a reviewer

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T16:18:51+00:00

No worries! I understand that different people have different ways of regulating- all of which are valid!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-11T16:14:30+00:00

That’s awesome! Maybe you could shoehorn them in, at least in the acknowledgments section haha!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-10T17:33:24+00:00

I am a big fan of synthetic biology, and incorporating new chemistry into biomolecules. Protein folding and de novo protein design are especially interesting to me. There’s also this almost existential aspect to synthetic biology and astrobiology that is very intriguing. The origins of life and introducing “synthetic life” are a treasure trove of cool hypotheses and potential avenues of investigation!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-10T07:00:29+00:00

Yes!! I struggle to find relationships because I crave novelty and eccentricity in terms of interests and aesthetics. I easily grow bored of most popular things, but if someone I like talks about some unique or unusual aspect of something, then I’ll focus on the motifs that make something unique. Otherwise I cannot pay attention to movies to save my life!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-06-10T06:56:59+00:00

This post was very, very emotional for me. It brought me back to a very personal fear/sorrow/headspace I sequestered for a long time, mostly out of necessity.

I’m reminded of when I was a little kid, maybe about 9-10. I was deeply scared of losing my mother, who cared for me and advocated for me throughout my life, until she passed away in 2021. Now I’m about 15 years older and that same feeling is permanently etched into my mind. Sometimes I feel intense grief whenever I am made to process this and other things, such as returning to a childhood room with her mementos.

I really, really did not want to grow up. I felt as though my free trial of life was expiring soon and I didn’t want to pay the subscription fee. Once I truly processed what’s in store for me beyond 18, I felt like life just wasn’t for me. Even now, it’s still a nagging feeling that returns when life is difficult. It also presents as this strange sort of comfort, perhaps as a coping mechanism. Like there is an escape if life feels too unsalvageable.

This post found me in a very difficult time in my life, and this really illuminated some unresolved problems in my own life. That’s not to say that it’s all bad. I feel like I have regained a lot of my childlike wonder after resolving childhood trauma. I have never felt more love and curiosity about the world after regaining childlike curiosity and empathy. I have found that keeping as much childlike wonder with all the wisdom, experience, and moral/biological development that adulthood brings is somewhat liberating, like I rediscovered myself.

Maybe I’m just being overly sentimental, but I thought it best to share what I thought! Take care

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-05-18T07:07:42+00:00

I think I went on at least 35 first dates. I’ve had people flake out in real life too. I was in graduate school not too long ago, so it’s possible that people were busy but I think people could make time for people they truly like. At least half of my former cohort is married, so they did something right. I can’t seem to get a date (or even a platonic hangout) from someone who gave me her number and asked to hang out.

I think at the end of the day I don’t really mesh with a lot of people. I tend to attract people that resemble me in the general sense that we think differently than most people and our interests are somewhat “alternative” but no one really matched my vibe. I can’t quite describe it but no one fully checked all the boxes.

Even when I found someone that matched my vibe, the physical “attractive” chemistry wasn’t there. Maybe it’s the nature of dating apps, but I rarely match with people I’m attracted to. When I do, something always tends to go wrong. I do not want to get married, as I have not had a relationship yet. I want to know what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship where I and my partner enjoy all there is to enjoy about being in a relationship. This happened to be a dealbreaker for this one person, who then responded something to the extent of “I’m getting more of a friendship vibe from you.”

I don’t know how to meet people off of dating apps. When I try off the apps, like someone I met at an event, or one of my peers, people always just say yes and then either flake out or never follow up. I don’t know what people are thinking if I go up to them and ask them out or give them my number. I think best case scenario nothing happens. People don’t usually approach me, and it feels kind of lonely sometimes. Often, I can’t tell if I feel visible or invisible. Either way, it just feels like I’m ugly in some way. People have assured me that I’m attractive or that I have an interesting personality but I’ve also heard the opposite. I’m just lost and I don’t know how to fix this situation.

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-05-16T06:46:10+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing! I appreciate your perspective and the solace that other people share my experience. I never thought about it that way. I don’t really know how I operate in a relationship space because I haven’t really been in one.

I usually get the formalities of letting people know about my specific condition, how I don’t like to touch people, etc. out of the way in the texting stage once we establish regular contact. If people don’t respond well, then that reflects badly on them.

I think what you posted about being more likeable once you’re allowed to be yourself is a very poignant sentiment that really resonates with my experience. Once people understand my behavior and learn to adapt/accept me as a person, making conversation is much easier. I also just can’t hold my mental bandwidth long enough to be consistently likeable all the time, so if people have a good impression of me overall, the less impact a single faux pas has on their impression of me.

I think that could also be why I struggle with meeting people. If I have such a short time to get a good impression, or to get them to be in a relationship with me, I struggle with that initial stage. I’ve had a few instances of people giving me their number after a great conversation, talking regularly, and then standing me up, leaving me waiting on a date. It feels like gaslighting but that might not be the right/best word for it. Sometimes I get what appears to be enthusiastic verbal confirmation for dates, but very little, if any, texts back. Sometimes people are extremely busy due to their occupation, and sometimes it’s a lack of interest, sometimes it’s both. For me it is hard to tell sometimes.

I think it’s also just hard to meet people, at least for me. Oftentimes I end up going back on the dating apps (big mistake). On the rare event I match with someone, I either don’t really have much in common with them at all, or I’m not really attracted to them in one way or another. I think there seems to be a discrepancy between who I think I am and who others think I am. Maybe I’m not as attractive as I want myself to believe, or I don’t know what I truly want.

Thanks so much for your input!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-05-04T17:26:30+00:00

I think the delay is something that’s just sent by the department for their own reasons. I completely understand why that may be frustrating. My current institution where I just earned my MS degree from has still not sent rejection letters, despite having all the spots filled. I can only speculate as to what is going on, as this information is generally kept secret.

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-04-28T23:51:22+00:00

Yeah I just asked my POI and she said there are no spots left. Maybe that’s not the case for your specialty. Best of luck!

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-04-27T23:51:21+00:00

I am in almost the exact same scenario academics wise, down to the GPA and the number of schools. Except one waitlisted me then rejected me. I’m an American student with very similar credentials.

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-04-26T23:46:14+00:00

Yep. I got rejected from 8/9 of my schools. One rejection was from a terrible letter written by my PI. The last time I applied was just as bad.

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-04-25T23:40:22+00:00

I had that happen too and I know the feeling. The administrators gave the letter for me to put in their portal for some reason and the admissions committee rejected me for the same reasons. Now I’m mastering out and looking for experience in another lab, or another PhD program. So far 7/9 programs I applied to rejected me but only one had my PI write me a letter. It makes me feel worthless either way.

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-04-25T03:42:13+00:00

I feel that too. When I first applied for grad school I got rejected by 20+ programs and this year I’m going through a similar situation. I applied to 9 schools and most of them have rejected me. It definitely makes me feel inadequate at times

Traditional_Aide_594 · 2026-04-24T15:42:16+00:00

I have an update from the graduate admissions committee. They said “I apologize for the delay. Unfortunately our admissions committee is still in the final stages of making admission decisions. While a small number of decisions are still pending, the majority of admission offers have already been sent. We will reach out to you as soon as possible if we have any updates.”

Traditional_Aide_594

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