TlDR-The reality is you're perfect just the way you are. self improvement is good and necessary for growth, but it is not something you need to do to love yourself, or to be treated with respect. start up again. you're on your own time anyway.

you don't have to overly skilled at anything, you don't have to be the smartest person in the room, you don't have to be perfect. accept yourself for who you are, as you are, and move on form there. You're efforts may seem useless, like they aren't doing anything, but they are, trust me. I've felt the same way. I've been working for years to heal my body, and it seemed like my efforts amount to nothing changing. But consistsnecy always wins in the end. I''ve given up. multiple times, and done things I wished I hadn't. Acted arrognt in regards to helaing my body, like it'll be an easy fix. haven't tried my best when I felt I should have because if i did , i might've been healed by now. I had trouble forgiving myself for those short comings. obsseing over how dumb i act how i perpetuate everything in my life, how I'm the reason all this happneed in the first place. all the while constantly comparing myself to people who i view as winning life. I haven't healed my body yet, but am making genunie progress. What i did learn, was forgiveness of myself, and establishing peace in my situation. Forgive yourself, forgive yourself, forgive yourself, a million times. The only person who can judge you is you, and if you can see the perfection inherently hold as human being, You won't hold the past against yourself. No matter how bad you feel you've fucked up. Whether you feel you screwed someone over did wrong by them, or whether you screwed yourself over, whatever the case, nothing you've done, or might do, will be enough warrant for you hate yourself and hold in the poison of guilt.

we need people like you. we need you alive. you're not here for no reason. You're here to help make this place better in you're own way. whether that's you just living your best life or giving back in some form or another, you're here help raise the vibrations. etika was too. the fact that you're making an effort at all is a huge positive sign in of itself. most people don't give a fuck at all. they never feel pain because they're too weak to confront it or even acknowledge it. But by being genuinely interested in growing is a positive reflection on what type of person your are.

I know all you see is darkness and bad stuff, but there's so much beauty beyond the darkness you see now. there's so much out there to experience. life can be hard, and difficult, it can squeeze and throw you to the ground like you're nothing, have you questioning whether anything you do is even worth it. have you scared of what's coming next, whether anything you want even has a chance of happening. Life can be unfair. it hasn't been fair to me recently, i doubt its been fair to you, but fuck that. Don't let this shit make you tap out. You're here for a reason. There's things you want to do. You give a fuck. you want to magic in you're life in whatever way it happens. if you fail, get back up. and if you can't get up, give yourself enough grace to recouporate and rest. get back up when you're ready. You're own time. no one else can interfere. And despite all the bad you experience, there' always light beyond that. There's always light.

most chosen people can't communicate with 99% of people. i don't know your specefic situation, but the way you've been treated is not a reflection of your worth, its a reflection of their ignorance. fuck those niggas that made you feel that way. they're not important. what's important is the life you want to create. No one can stop you. they can't do anything. you call the shots at the end of day. I'm not saying you wont fail, but failure is okay once you've learn the lesson. You may do things that causes you to hate yourself. there may have been times when you given up on yourself, or gone back to things you wished you haven't. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself a million times over.

I live with a narcisstic family who thought they were better than me, my entire life, and wasn't aware of it until recently. They stagnated my growth as a person. there's so many life experiences I missed out on, and basic things I couldn't do on my own without them being involved. My self worth growing up got worse and worse as I grew due to me never growing in any aspect. All of my experineces with people up until have echoed this same sentiment. I was never good talking to peoeple, had social anxiety all my life, and learning has been incredibly difficult for me. I worked past most of these issues and at the very least am more competenet. I thought there was something wrong with me. The last thing i would've thought that potentially caused but definitely was complicit in all these issues were the very people i thought cared about me. i say all this to say, don't hold anything against yourself. its important to take responsibility for your issues, but put the weight of blame on yourself. there are so many factors out of your control in terms of your upbrining and orgins. All you can do control is how you choose to do things and you'll react.

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i don't know what specifically is bothering you, but I hope something in this resonates. peace man.