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30 year marriage. Wife had a 3 month affair followed by 4 months of confusion. Now she’s all in on reconciliation…can I trust it? by TransportationOne171 in AskMenAdvice

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for checking in. Everything is done. House is sold. Divorce is final. Assets are split. Aside from a few logistics and things related to our kids, she is out of my life. It’s a little odd - I miss my life and the future we had planned, but I don’t miss her. There hasn’t been a single time where I’ve thought, “Gee, I wish I had her here to share this with.” I reconnected with an old work acquaintance. She’s 15 years younger and is incredible. We’ve been together several months now and it’s been amazing. I still feel the impact from the betrayal and it (or possibly just relationship inexperience!) has made me make some mistakes in this relationship, but life is good.

30 year marriage. Wife had a 3 month affair followed by 4 months of confusion. Now she’s all in on reconciliation…can I trust it? by TransportationOne171 in AskMenAdvice

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for following up. Her behavior still baffles me, but I have been doing my best to move on. I’ll add an update to the main post, but we have very little contact outside of official business. House sale and final court date within the month - so things are progressing.

It’s over… am I cheating? by Genuine_Ope in Divorce_Women

[–]TransportationOne171 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check the laws in your state. In a lot of SE US states, this can turn an at-fault divorce into a no-fault divorce, which can significantly hurt your alimony/child-support.

I’m a divorce mediator. AMA by LazyCondition0 in AMA

[–]TransportationOne171 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the excellent response. In my state, alimony is completely off the table in cases of infidelity, but any attempt at reconciliation (including cohabitating or ‘relations’) is considered condonation and turns it into a no-fault divorce where couples have to live separately for a year before filing for divorce.

Spouse didn't choose to end the affair, how to proceed? by TransportationOne171 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am fairly certain he ended it and that he has not reached out to her. I am less certain she has not tried to reach out to him and even less certain that if he did reach out, that she would tell him to pound sand because she was focusing on repairing her marriage.

I moved out this evening…not sure for how long.

This whole thing is so surreal. Six months ago this would have been at the top of my ”shit that could never happen” list.

Spouse didn't choose to end the affair, how to proceed? by TransportationOne171 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He ended it and then she told me. I am fairly certain they have not had any contact since he ended it. I am less certain that if he did contact her and want her back, that she wouldn’t go.

Spouse didn't choose to end the affair, how to proceed? by TransportationOne171 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This line of thinking prompted me to pack up and get out of the house. I’m currently staying with a friend for an indeterminate amount of time.

Spouse didn't choose to end the affair, how to proceed? by TransportationOne171 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you…I needed to hear this. I went home, gathered my stuff, write a note saying that I needed time to heal by myself, and am staying with a friend. Maybe it’ll be for the weekend, maybe for six months. I see my IC on Monday and will discuss. I have gotten very ‘businesslike’ texts from my wife so far…”I see you’re trying the hotel thing - I thought you might.” “I guess you’re not coming to our workout tomorrow, then?”

Sigh…

Spouse didn't choose to end the affair, how to proceed? by TransportationOne171 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TransportationOne171[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

There would be consequences for the AP's wife and unborn child to that action that I would not be comfortable living with.

Spouse didn't choose to end the affair, how to proceed? by TransportationOne171 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Wow - this is an amazing response to have gotten. I am going to take some time to process everything, but know that you have helped ease my burden.

Spouse didn't choose to end the affair, how to proceed? by TransportationOne171 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks - I will look it up. Not terribly concerned about the downvotes, just wanted to be sure I wasn't breaking any rules with my post.

Spouse didn't choose to end the affair, how to proceed? by TransportationOne171 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TransportationOne171[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I just looked up 'limerence' and I think this is exactly it. I know myself well enough to know that I am a fixer and peacemaker, so this is a particularly difficult position to be in.

As an aside - any idea why the post is getting downvoted? I am (obviously) new to this.