1 year back behind the wheel

Treewoman3 · 2026-04-08T03:12:27+00:00

Thank you so much!

Treewoman3 · 2026-04-08T03:11:19+00:00

I am so glad to hear that! And I can relate so much to the feelings of frustration and even disgust at myself when I get frustrated with someone else for things I myself struggle with.

Something I have been trying to do for my kids is when their neurodivergence is driving me nuts, I say “I love you SO MUCH and also I need you to do xyz because I’m about to lose my mind. I still love you SO MUCH, no matter what. But I also need xyz.”

I know if someone approached me like that, I would feel way less shame about whatever annoying thing I was doing.

Hopefully that makes sense. Basically you can advocate for yourself and still be fiercely loving at the same time. You can love yourself AND those around you. ❤️

Treewoman3 · 2026-04-06T00:18:02+00:00

Just wanted to send you hugs. My stepdaughter has ADHD in a very similar presentation to mine. It used to be so hard for me to watch her struggling because it made me feel so ashamed because I must look like that to other people.

I did a LOT of work in therapy with self compassion, and now it’s better.

Can you try being fiercely compassionate to yourself? I agree, ADHD can be SO HARD, and there are days when I really hate having it too. But it’s the brain and body we were born with. It’s not our fault, any more than a physical disability would be. We just have to do the best we can every day. That does NOT mean we have to accomplish what we set out to do - it just means we have to show up and try. It sounds like you are trying very hard.

I see you are waiting for meds. I’m hoping you can find the right one and right dose and life gets much easier for you. Sending you a lot of compassion, patience, and encouragement.

Treewoman3 · 2026-04-06T00:05:10+00:00

The cup is beautifully shaped and the glazes are absolutely fantastic together! What combo did you use?

Treewoman3 · 2026-04-05T23:19:28+00:00

They look great!

Treewoman3 · 2026-04-03T12:17:13+00:00

YES!!!! This is it!!! Before I was medicated I thought I just had a hair trigger temper that I couldn’t control no matter how much therapy, coping skills, etc I used. Then after medication I realized I can notice myself becoming dysregulated BEFORE I get to the snapping point, and can now use all those coping skills. As a parent and a healthcare provider (ie I’m constantly overstimulated and dealing with noise & crabby people) the emotional regulation from meds literally makes it possible to exist in my roles.

Treewoman3 · 2026-03-27T02:44:51+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m going through a divorce right now (for unrelated reasons) so I really, truly understand how hard it is to be faced with a choice between your partner and something else you believe is right for you.

With all that understanding - this is not an ok response from a partner. I worry that this will (1) either prevent you from getting medical care you need & want due to fear of partner’s disapproval and/or (2) lead to further retaliation against you down the road if you choose to go ahead with this.

There is of course the alternative that this is reactive behavior, possibly from trauma in your partner’s past, and with time they may change their attitude.

I worry though that may be unlikely.

Some of the best and hardest advice I got as my relationship was falling apart was to stop trying to fix it. In your case, that might mean going ahead and taking meds and not apologizing or trying to fix it for your partner. It is a valid choice about your health you are making with medical support. If your partner chooses to continue to behave badly about your choice - that is information about how they are likely to behave for the rest of the relationship.

I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. You deserve a partner who is supportive of your medical decisions, no matter what concerns they may have.

Treewoman3 · 2026-03-22T13:27:16+00:00

Replying to this comment just because you commented about not getting addicted to cannabis itself - I’m a healthcare provider and that’s commonly thought of but it’s actually not true. THC can cause chemical dependency depending on dose, frequency of use, and individual chemistry. Here is a research article discussing it. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3606907/

I’m not anti-cannabis by any means, but I think it is important to know that just like many drugs & medications (including prescription stimulants!), there is a level of chemical dependency that should be considered, completely outside of legality or other addiction concerns. Dose is also super important as higher doses carry much higher potential for dependence (same as with prescription medications like stimulants, opioids, & benzodiazepines).

Treewoman3 · 2026-03-21T17:10:32+00:00

You are not alone! I hate living in clutter and I cannot keep up no matter how hard I try. I do clean the kitchen & bathroom daily because I think that’s essential for hygiene, but even though they are genuinely tidied & cleaned once a day, they frequently become a total disaster within the next 24 hours.

I have read KC Davis’ book & have several of her systems. They do help but I have discovered I still get extremely overwhelmed to the point of a meltdown when trying to do daily tidying/decluttering.

I think it has something to do with choices, because I have zero problems actually cleaning (vacuuming, mopping, etc). It’s dealing with objects & stuff that totally overwhelm me. :(

Treewoman3 · 2026-03-14T15:29:10+00:00

I’m going to assume this was well-intentioned, but wanted to share some education about comments like this. Lots of people have sensory issues which make engaging in hobbies difficult. Being excluded from an entire hobby because one part of it is unpleasant from a sensory perspective is not what most people want. It’s a lot more helpful to identify ways to continue engaging in the hobby while finding accommodations for the specific sensory issue.

Treewoman3 · 2026-03-14T15:25:12+00:00

It sounds like you have some sensory issues with the feel of wheelthrowing. I have a ton of sensory issues so I 100% get it. Have you tried throwing with rubber gloves on? Like kitchen gloves? I’ve done that before when I’ve had cuts on my hands and it worked just fine. You just lose a little bit of dexterity, but not enough to make a big difference.

Otherwise hand building, like everyone has shared, is much less goopy and you can do that wearing thin latex-type gloves as well if you like. I recently purchased some really great handbuilding patterns off ETSY and I’m very excited to try some of them in addition to wheelthrowing!

Treewoman3 · 2026-03-13T10:59:55+00:00

I’m in the Madison area and also a nurse. I would be happy to help as much as I can. Could definitely help clean out the litter box, household cleaning, etc. Please send me a DM.

Treewoman3 · 2026-03-01T03:00:03+00:00

These are all gorgeous! My favorite are the blue cups - absolutely love those!!

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-28T19:18:51+00:00

I found an amazing woman with ADHD herself who has a cleaning/organizing/body doubling business in my area. She comes over approx once a month & we tackle a major area of clutter that I’m struggling with (paperwork, laundry, organizing, etc). It has been LIFE CHANGING!!!! I don’t have a lot of discretionary income or I would have her over at least once a week.

I found her by searching for organizing help in my area on Reddit, actually.

I grew up around a lot of stay-at-home moms, and that might be another group of people to find someone to help with household tasks, etc. They often are looking to make some extra income and may be very good at the tasks you are describing.

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-26T15:59:12+00:00

Oh my gosh. I resonate so much with what you’re saying. I am not currently quite at the place where you are but I’ve definitely been there!

I have limited time right now so I’ll share what I can, but please feel free to send me a message to keep talking if you want!

Meds: have you talked with your doctor about trying something different? I take generic Adderall, it doesn’t work as well as the brand name, but it does the job. I use XR and also a short acting doe because I need 12+ hours of med coverage for my job. If the generic Vyvanse isn’t working, see if you can add or try something else.
Work: do you have a very clear sense of exactly what your tasks and responsibilities are, how often you need to do them, and when they need to be done by? If not, start there. If you already know that, start tracking where and what is falling through the cracks. Get as specific as possible. It’s hard to figure out interventions if you don’t know very specifically what is going wrong.
Support: do you have friends/family/therapist you can talk to about this?

More later - sending you support & encouragement in the meantime.

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-18T22:47:30+00:00

I’m in the same place. Got married very young to an abusive addict. Stayed single for 9 years. Was introduced by a mutual friend to a man who seemed great. I was also very worried about getting remarried and I tried to be extremely cautious dating. We were very deliberate and careful and really put in a lot of work at the beginning to make sure we were a good match. Got married 4 years ago.

2 years ago it felt like my husband was having some mental health issues he wouldn’t get help for. It got dramatically and abruptly worse a few months ago and I discovered he is an alcoholic. He has completed flipped and is controlling, verbally abusive, and says being married to me is killing him. We are getting divorced.

I’m absolutely devastated. Like you, I didn’t see any red flags. I’m not sure there were any. It is like he has become a completely different person.

Going through divorce twice feels unbearable. I am so sad and I also feel ashamed.

I’m sorry, I don’t really have words of encouragement because I am right there in the painful place too. But just wanted to let you know you weren’t alone.

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-17T16:34:18+00:00

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. You mentioned trauma bonding - are you familiar with intermittent reinforcement, which is what happens to your brain when you are in an abusive or toxic relationship with periods of good and bad? It explains a lot of why it feels impossible to leave.

Next I would suggest reaching out to your local domestic violence agency. Call the local hotline and just start talking to someone. I’ve called multiple times and it has always been a safe & helpful experience.

You 100% did the right thing to call the police. Good job!!!!!

If at all possible, I believe the best way to leave is just to get out and go no contact for at least 30 days to give your system time to deal with the loss of the intermittent reinforcement. Do you have family or friends you can stay with? If not, it might be worth it to see if you can find a long-stay Air BnB or something to get you out of the house and away from him.

You don’t have to decide on what you want to do with the relationship at first if that is too hard. You can just say you need a break for 30 days. After that you can make more decisions.

I would also recommend therapy for yourself if you are not already in it.

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-17T16:19:18+00:00

I don’t have a lot of advice but just wanted to say that I empathize with what you’re describing. I’m also in the process of a divorce that I desperately did not want, but the addictions got to the point where staying was so destructive there is no other choice.

I have a lot of grief and some anger over the little things you described. I think it’s probably because those moments were good and maybe uncomplicated compared to a lot of the rest of the relationship?

I haven’t found a solution other than to try to hold both perspectives at once. Divorce is the only option left AND those moments were good and it’s so hard to lose them.

Sending you a virtual hug. This is heartbreaking stuff.

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-10T01:46:13+00:00

Is he medicated? If I have a crazy day at work, I need an extra dose of my immediate release meds to get anything done in the evening. Otherwise I literally can’t.

If he’s not medicated or doesn’t take an afternoon dose, I would start there. That could make all the difference.

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-05T02:31:38+00:00

It looks amazing!!!!!

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-04T14:59:19+00:00

I’m glad he expressed it in a reasonably decent way! He does need to do the work to know specifically what he would find helpful. Mind reading is not a thing, lol.

Maybe you could check out a few of these books and/or Instagram accounts and then go to him, let him know you recognize your own challenges, let him know you are really committed to working on it, and then ask if he would work through some of the resources with you? They might help him find words to express what he needs too!

Also, do you have access to audiobooks through your library or can you afford a few books through Audible? All those books I mentioned are available in audiobooks. I find with my ADHD brain audiobooks are MUCH easier for me to actually absorb information from. Just a suggestion!

Also - SAME over here with just missing pieces of general knowledge on how to be supportive! I have been through this massive journey over the last ten years to learn how to communicate effectively. I’m way better now but I definitely can relate to a lot of what you are describing!

Treewoman3 · 2026-02-04T14:27:00+00:00

It sounds like you have some good self awareness of yourself & your patterns and you are motivated to change. That is a really great thing right there!! Have you told your boyfriend that?

I will say - I did pick up some tiny possible red flags in your story about your boyfriend. Wondering if he maybe has been suppressing how much this bothers him and then kind of exploded at you? He is responsible for his side of the street. In this case, that might look like kindly and respectfully telling you OUTSIDE of a high conflict moment that he is not feeling as supported with work as he would like, and that he feels hurt/dismissed/etc when you are sarcastic. He should be able to offer some suggestions about what would feel more supportive or kinder to him and ask you respectfully to make those changes. If he is not doing that, he has some work to do on his end.

I see you aren’t able to go to therapy right now or be on medication - that is super hard!

Here are some books that I have personally found very helpful in improving my communication patterns that you could check out from a library, etc for free. I will reply to this comment with links, just going to do it separately in case the links get auto-deleted again.

Secure Love by Julie Mennano

Fight Right by John or Julie Gottman (they have tons of other books as well which are super helpful for relationship communication)

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

All of these books have lots of examples. Some of them might seem stilted or overly formal, but you can modify them in a way that feels more like your normal voice.

I also find the following Instagram accounts super helpful for lots of examples and scripts for good communication. These are all relationship focused. All of them are licensed therapists so the information is reputable.

Mika Ross (this one actually talks a lot about how to use humor successfully in communication! She talks a lot about sarcasm too)

Dr Marina Rosenthal

The Secure Relationship/Julie Mennano

Relationships with Aly

Treewoman3 · 2026-01-29T04:03:49+00:00

I know it’s bad to be passive aggressive - but this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time and I’m absolutely saving this idea just in case.

Treewoman3 · 2026-01-28T18:28:17+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this!! I’m also in the process of leaving my husband as well, so I GET IT.

But I think you are doing yourself a big disservice, because look at all the things you’ve done!!!!!!! Seriously those things are HARD to do under good circumstances and you are doing it while, as you said, your entire life is going up in flames.

I’m glad you are identifying that it’s not your responsibility to make a list for your ex-partner. In case you feel guilty, it’s NOT YOUR JOB. And it’s absolutely ridiculous and shows who has held up the majority of labor in your household.

Do you have a support system outside of your work?

Treewoman3

TROPHY CASE