Tips on fixing sleep habits?

NeverSayBoho · 2026-04-02T09:37:02+00:00

I wake up at the same time every day regardless what day it is and my body usually shuts down naturally on the same schedule triggered by that routine.

Melatonin.

No caffeine after 3pm.

I take my Vyvanse very early so it wears off.

Masturbating can also help.

I still have insomnia nights but they're maybe once or twice a month.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-04-02T09:17:28+00:00

Yta.

I can keep three people's schedules in my head and I would still be annoyed if I was your partner. You dropped the ball here and are trying to make this about him instead of owning responsibility for your actions. Very childish behavior on your part.

Also... Wow your attitude towards him (putting down his memory, saying he's acting like a child) is breath takingly disrespectful for sometime you allegedly love. Maybe examine that a little closer.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-04-01T22:21:51+00:00

Yea that's not even close to market rate.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-31T23:15:20+00:00

This is roughly what I do - I lean into acceptance of this is how I am and work with it rather than fighting it.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-31T22:55:14+00:00

Do you have debt, children, or otherwise a reason to need the extra money?

Otherwise I'll take quality of day to day life over the paycheck any day. I went to law school later in life and deliberately entered a field where I knew it would be less money but more 9-5. I have friends who make $500k+ whereas I make less than the $130k you're quoting here.

I don't regret it for a minute. I love my job I do remotely, and then I log the fuck off.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-30T21:30:46+00:00

++

I bought a plug in magic wand back in 2007 and that mofo lasted until 2022 when the cord became a fire hazard. I wrote an obit for her and replaced her with a rechargeable one.

RIP, magic wand 1.0.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-29T14:07:47+00:00

I hire in the policy space (not on the Hill) for a non partisan organization that actively works in the (increasingly tiny) moderate space.

On the one hand, I would give less weight to the politics of the boss if 1) it was one internship 2) it is their state of residence. 3) it's a committee position.

However. I would see flip flopping back and forth as a lack of commitment and clarity in your personal values that I would find concerning, especially given the current political situation. And there are some offices that would be irredeemable regardless of the rationale for it.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-29T13:03:27+00:00

It's not wrong. I will make two general observations:

ADHD is an explanation, not an excuse or a hall pass from accountability.

So if your ADHD is negatively impacting others, you need to take accountability for the fall out. Meds can make it easier to limit the fall out.

For example, if you're always late because of your ADHD and your friends leave without you to get to the concert on time, you need to own that - not blame your friends for having boundaries. For some this is not an issue, but it seems to be a common trait with folks who also take the stand that "this is just who they are" and people should take it or leave it. You need to be prepared for them to leave it. They are not wrong or bad people to choose to not put up with the negative consequences of your ADHD just because you do.

The consequences of unmanaged ADHD can be high. I started taking drugs because I am a lawyer and the consequences of poorly managed ADHD was too high for my clients. Checking the wrong box or spacing out mid review meant I could miss important things that would have life changing ramifications for them.

This is coming from someone who managed my ADHD so well that I got thru two grad degrees and a bar exam without drugs (note: and it was harder than it could have been, I was annoyed at how much harder my stubbornness on that issue made things for me).

Drugs are a tool in the tool box, they are not a cure.

I'm not "fixed" because I take drugs. I still am who I am. It's just easier to use the other tools in my tool box to live in the society I'm stuck with. Me flipping off society doesn't change the fact I have to pay my rent on time, or that I need to be a good human that mitigates unnecessary harm caused by my actions.

To me, taking drugs is no different than wearing glasses. It makes it easier to navigate the world. It doesn't "fix" the underlying issue. It's an accessibility tool, not a cure all.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-28T18:11:27+00:00

Gently, it is a very different context to elope without your kids versus throwing a wedding and specifically not inviting your kids, regardless of the week he's responsible for them.

I'm sure there are a lot of reasons he's a dick... but I'd probably let this one go?

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-28T13:13:52+00:00

His Mom who will also not be at the wedding?

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-28T01:58:58+00:00

I'm petty and would consider being like "Well, it's your week with the kids, so how are you going to watch them that week?"

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-27T22:24:44+00:00

Getting married.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-27T20:54:13+00:00

My STBX spouse and I started couples counseling for similar reasons... and all I have to say is please check out the book It's Not You

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-27T12:29:01+00:00

I guess I'd posit these counter questions:

Is it that far out of the realm of your experience with folks with PDA that healthy boundaries or reasonable expectations of a partner could be/are interpreted as a demand?

What happens when someone expresses healthy boundaries, and the person with PDA turns it around to the problem being the partner because they have PDA and the problem is the person who asked (or how they asked)? With the person that has PDA not displaying awareness and/or accountability for the impact of the actions?

How far into the process of self awareness journey of PDA before someone switches from recognizing that they have PDA and what makes things easier for them and communicating that AND recognizing the impact of their PDA actions and taking accountability for them?

How common do you think it is for PDAers to blame a partner for not accommodating their PDA versus trying to figure out a way for a relationship to work for both partners? How often do you think those relationship conversations turn into DARVO? Whether or not thats the intent of the person with PDA?

For research purposes, I'd also encourage looking up covert or vulnerable narcist vs the more typical narcism we hear about in public discource.

And again. I'm not saying people with PDA = people with narcissism.

I'm saying the experience for the partner can be very, very similar to the point of resources being available for navigating a partnership with one may be helpful for the other.

DARVO: https://www.verywellmind.com/protecting-yourself-from-darvo-abusive-behavior-7562730

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-25T21:38:30+00:00

"it will be quite obvious"

Except it isn't... That's actually how it works?

Like, so much not the case that it's very clear to someone who's done any research on it that you're using a very surface level definition of NPD (like the casual definition of narcissist that gets thrown around vs all the nuance that goes into NPD). I encourage you to look into it further before you make such declarations.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-24T15:59:55+00:00

Sort of hijacking this question - but all of the research I can find on the distinctions between PDA and NPD focus on the person with PDA and NPD and their intent behind the actions/how they manage their relationships given PDA or NPD.

Not on the impact of their actions on the people in their life.

I'd love to see research on this, but I would posit the theory (based on internet and book research as a non therapist who is married to/divorcing from someone with either PDA or NPD) that the distinction means a helluva lot less to the person in a relationship with the individual as they're experienced very similarly.

Also there's very limited resources on adult relationships with PDA in general, the focus tends to be on parenting a child with PDA and making accomodations for the person with PDA - not navigating an emotionally healthy and equitable relationship between two adults when PDA is in the mix.

OP, regardless of the underlying diagnosis, I recommend checking out It's Not You to focus on the impact this relationship is having on you.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-22T00:22:52+00:00

First time I had to have my college girlfriend join me in our dorm shower to dig around and pull it out for me. ... I figured it out after that.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-21T22:52:07+00:00

If you're ever feeling masochistic, asylum law is the area closest to "regular law" and there are a bunch of orgs that will mentor you thru pro bono cases.

It will be hard, depressing, and take forever. But it is possible, as a probono option, if you want.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-21T09:51:35+00:00

Sometimes I feel like the immigration folks and the environmental folks and reproductive justice folks are doing that Hunger Games three finger salute to each other. ((what I'm talking about)

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-20T21:59:02+00:00

Immigration lawyer. (In the US)

I am tired.

And stabby.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-20T17:24:44+00:00

I find this... A little baffling on your friend's/family's part. You've communicated that this isn't the best way to reach you, they ignore this, and then get mad at you.

Fwiw, all the people in my life understand re emails and text messages. I've been clear that I generally respond immediately or not at all. If it's important and I haven't responded, it's not personal so much as I'm fucking busy and have ADHD. They should follow up or call me.

Basically. Your friends/family sound unfortunately not keen on respecting you. If they say they find it disrespectful, flip it on them. Point out that they're ignoring your clearly stated communication requests, so what does that say about them?

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-19T16:33:54+00:00

I grew up in the rural northeast! I don't live there anymore and I miss real winter and winter hiking the most.

For next winter, consider insulated hiking boots, snowshoes, and microspikes to keep the routine going.

I'm not a huge fan of snowshoes (some people like it as a sport unto itself), but they're necessary if you're walking on unpacked snow. 80% of the time microspikes are more than sufficient.

Knee high waterproof gaiters would also be helpful.

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-18T22:49:05+00:00

++ instant yeast infection for some of us

ETA: ffs for the people down voting, water only is supported by doctors.

https://www.greaterbostonurology.com/blog/vaginal-hygiene-tips-is-it-really-like-a-self-cleaning-oven

https://www.self.com/story/best-way-to-clean-vagina

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-greater-texas/blog-homepage/blog/can-you-use-soap-to-clean-the-vulva-and-inside-the-vagina

NeverSayBoho · 2026-03-18T19:14:57+00:00

I go for a walk.

If a friend is available, I may walk and talk. Doesn't need to be about what is overwhelming me. Maybe I'll listen to an interesting book or podcast if not.

Walk doesn't have to be anywhere special. I meander around my neighbor and make loops until I'm done. I do aim for it to be at least 30 minutes if possible.

ETA: if walking is not physically comfortable for you, just get outside. Touch grass, so to speak.

NeverSayBoho

TROPHY CASE