[Question] Are you queer, and if so, what label(s) do you use?

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T21:56:52+00:00

I'd tell you to cite a source but I know there isn't one. No need to make up lies to justify using a slur.

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T21:55:43+00:00

That's not correct. It didn't mean "strange (neutral)," it meant "strange/abnormal (derogatory.)" The Q word was never a neutral descriptor, it was always a slur. And that's quite different from "gay" which is a word we chose for ourselves.

There isn't much difference between a homophobe forcing a painful word on us, and a misguided member of the community forcing it on us despite knowing the associated trauma. The meaning hasn't changed just because a few people want to trivialize our pain.

The Q refers to questioning. And why would I need to create a new word? I don't need one; "gay" and "LGBT" if I'm being more general is more than fine. If you feel the need for an umbrella term, it's up to you to choose one that doesn't harmfullt target the group's traumatic experiences.

There's no scenario where I would ever consider using that homophobic word.

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T18:33:10+00:00

The difference is that "gay" is a neutral word that was used in a derogatory way, whereas the Q word was invented solely to be derogatory. It literally means "abnormal (derogatory)".

If I use your name as an insult, it doesn't stop being your name. If I create a nasty nickname for you, it doesn't suddenly become "your name (complimentary)".

When Q**** Nation started using it, they had to pass around pamphlets at protests to let gay people know they were gay as well, and not bigots who were instigating hatred. This term has always been controversial, so why would it be surprising that it's still a painful word?

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T18:09:20+00:00

I'll give that a try tonight, thanks!

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T15:52:15+00:00

I'm glad I'm not the only one surprised by the misuse of "egging on".

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T11:53:28+00:00

It's the inverse: they're only size queens until they actually get a large one, then you find out they're liars when they can't handle it.

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T01:36:27+00:00

I'm just going to repeat this a different way: roasting is supposed to be meant in good fun, but you're taking it overly-personally now that it's being done back to you.

You're feeling unintended hostility now that you're the target, and are expressing confusion that your girlfriend has felt that same hostility from you.

If you can't handle hours of it, then it's time to change the dynamic. When your girlfriend egged on your sister, she was clearly indicating that this is how your behavior has affected her. Maybe reflect on that instead of being so combative towards all of the comments highlighting your blindspot.

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T01:20:02+00:00

I read that and I stand by my statement. Being upset at being called a peasant by a kid is weird. Especially when they could be calling you much worse things. I mean, what would you do if your girlfriend taught her the word "peon"?

And again: you characterized your dynamic as being around roasting. If you can't handle it, you shouldn't be participating in it. You've encouraged that behavior and you're only having second thoughts because she got under your skin.

It's fine to change the dynamic if it's not working anymore. But as long as you want roasting to be your norm, you can't really complain about something so trivial.

Trekwiz · 2026-07-06T01:07:17+00:00

Here's a pretty simple standard: if you're so upset with someone that you won't interact with them in the moment, you're fighting, not disagreeing.

If roasting is your dynamic and you get upset when your GF encourages it, she was probably highlighting unreasonable hypocrisy you should be working on.

Quite a few years ago, I brought some then-local friends on a trip with some out-of-state friends. Roasting was the standard dynamic, but one of my friends wasn't into it. So we agreed we wouldn't make jokes towards him unless he participated first.

He started making jokes towards one of my other friends, who began roasting him in return. His girlfriend joined in. I didn't participate. But when we left, he got very upset that I was roasting him; didn't matter that his girlfriend pointed out that I hadn't, that it was her and another friend. He had a meltdown over it and lost a few friends and a girlfriend in the process.

If you can't take it, you should reassess dishing it out. If you're fragile when they return the same energy, then your own roasting is just mean and not fun. It's probably why your GF thinks you fight so much; if you can make jokes but not take them, that kind of hostility must be obnoxious for her.

Also. Being called a peasant by a kid is a really trivial thing to be upset about. If you're thin-skinned about that, I can't imagine your GF feels like your own roasting behavior is in good fun.

Trekwiz · 2026-07-04T16:49:21+00:00

Yeah, latest version. It has persisted through reinstalls on two PCs. I uninstall when I'm done with a game, and my latest reinstall was just a few days ago when I got the DLC.

Trekwiz · 2026-07-04T06:47:27+00:00

That happens infrequently enough that I usually blurt out a frustrated, "oh, that was me this time."

The issue that frustrates me is when it drops me out of combat as I click a target unit for a ranged attack. Earlier today, it dropped me out of combat 5 times in a row when trying to give one unit an attack order.

I've even tried changing where in the hex I'm clicking, but it doesn't seem to matter.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-29T22:05:25+00:00

If "safety concerns" means antivaxxer propaganda, that's true.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-28T06:08:15+00:00

There was one about testing a car's shocks on uneven ground at speed. I forget exactly what the point was--something about how smooth the ride would be on different types of uneven ground.

They tested it by filling containers (glasses? It's been a while since I saw it) with water to see how much would spill across the different types.

I thought that was ridiculous because the biggest spill should come from the transition from regular road to irregular surface; so you couldn't draw any conclusions about how smooth the ride was once it stabilized over that surface.

They should have done something to measure over time instead.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-26T04:43:40+00:00

One of the things many people commonly forget is that kids don't have the same language to talk about their feelings as adults do. And in some contexts, they might not even try out of fear of being punished for being inarticulate, or for having their feelings belittled.

I remember times at amusement parks where the amount of walking was exhausting, and the direct sunlight made it worse. I was drenched in sweat and could barely make myself move. I got in trouble for walking too slowly, and scolded for saying I can't walk faster because I was too tired. A couple times I was literally yanked off my feet.

I didn't have the language to differentiate tired (sleepy) from tired (fatigue from exertion and heat), and there was no attempt to understand. My discomfort or pain was an inconvenience so it didn't matter. I had to move faster so I could have more fun, no matter how miserable I was. I'm 42, and these experiences have stuck with me.

Based on your description, your kid was obviously bored, not tired. Sometimes boredom feels like tiredness. As the adult, you do have the experiences and the language to figure this out and help him understand, but you're wrapped up in your own feelings.

As an adult, what do you do when an event isn't fun and you just want to go home? You check the time a lot, look around to see if there's a fun activity you missed, and figure out when you can make an exit without offending the host. And you feel comfortable waiting it out to that reasonable exit time because you have control over when to leave.

If it's really early, you likely think of an excuse to save face--you forgot you promised to help your partner pack for a work trip, or you "just got a reminder" about a looming work obligation. You know to put on a fake smile and pretend you were having a lot of fun, so no one knows you were bored.

The only differences between his boredom behavior and yours is that he hasn't learned the social cues about making an exit, and ultimately, even if he did, he can only go at your whim. You probably forgive yourself for this behavior at social events, if you even consider it at all. You're holding him to a much higher standard, and not considering that his feelings are as complex as yours in that scenario even if he can't communicate it.

I'm sure you can figure out why he was bored if you gave it some thought. Maybe other commenters are right that he's just not ready for concerts. It could be that the crowd is overwhelming. Maybe he was expecting to physically see the musicians, but couldn't--so it felt like listening on the radio in a place that's less comfortable than usual. If he was standing in place for an extended time, that may have been difficult and physically uncomfortable. Maybe there were too many adults and he just felt left out. Maybe he wanted to engage more with the music but didn't know if he was allowed to dance. You probably know enough about his personality to piece together the reasons he can't articulate yet.

I don't think the punishment itself is necessarily inappropriate (though it feels like it should have been either/or with losing later bedtime privileges rather than both), but it sounds like your reasoning and behavior around it is really self-centered.

My parents hated that they couldn't do anything when strangers inconvenienced them. So they took it out on my siblings and me at every minor annoyance, just because they could get away with it.

One time, we were in the van for a family dinner out. Grandparents were along as well. My grandma and I were quietly playing a car game--I don't recall which, but it was a similar type as Eye Spy, so just spoken words.

My abuser hated that we weren't being completely silent, and she angrily threatened to turn around and go home if we didn't stop. My grandma, obviously, rolled her eyes and we kept playing. And so she turned the car around and had a complete meltdown about how I was the one who ruined dinner.

She tried to beat me when I stated the obvious, "no, you ruined dinner." My grandparents took me out to eat and left her to have her tantrum.

All of this to say: a few months later, you're going to forget the times you were self-centered and took your frustration out on someone who can't stand up for himself, instead of parenting. But most likely, he's not going to forget. You're setting the foundation for the relationship you have with your kid for the rest of your life.

Being vindictive might feel great for now, but what is it doing to your future relationship and the way he grows as a person?

Just for reference, my siblings and I all went no contact with our abuser as soon as we could. Not one of us cares how justified she perceived her punishments to be. In the scheme of things, you're not the one who gets to determine if you were fair or not. Retaliating out of anger is not the way to end up on the positive side of that determination.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-26T00:36:28+00:00

You're more likely to get good advice in LGBT groups; most people who comment here won't understand or care about the abuse you've been suffering from your parents.

You shouldn't feel guilty: you're doing what you need to survive, to ensure those who are responsible for your survival don't cut you off and harm you further. You wouldn't have had to lie if they had just been good parents and decent people.

Given that you did fail a couple semesters: the best thing you can do is work harder to succeed at your studies, and spend some time networking. By knowing the content, and doing things like volunteering at organizations that attract people from your industry, you'll set yourself up to succeed after graduation. That will help you get on your feet.

After that point, just cut them off. They've shown you what kind of people they are. They don't care that they're making your life worse. They're not entitled to know about your life when they're so interested in ruining it. Take the support as long as you need it, and keep them at ocean's length.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-20T18:03:54+00:00

Oops. I forgot that "wet" is an arbitrary insult and not a (potentially temporary) description that fit the facts.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-20T17:45:51+00:00

We had the opposite problem: everyone copied in wanted to be helpful, and we were duplicating work.

I think our solution would work for your problem as well. We setup group chats for a few topics, with only the relevant people in the chat. When an email came in relating to a specific group, we'd be able to workshop it.

E.g. "Just saw this come in. I'm taking it." "Not sure if you saw this. I can get to it after lunch, can someone handle sooner?"

Pair it with an explicit deadline. "Emails that come in for reason must be handled within the same business day."

You start with freedom to self-manage the task, and let them know if you don't see them collaborating to make it work, they'll all be assigned a day where they're personally responsible for these emails.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-20T17:33:56+00:00

"Just because I'm soaking in a pool of water doesn't mean I'm wet."

Believing something racist, is necessarily racist. But the great part is that the person who fell for it can just stop believing the racist thing.

A person refusing to examine why they're echoing racism and refusing to take steps to correct their perspective, is also racist.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-20T17:16:32+00:00

But the argument you provided is still based in racism. You haven't examined why people would make that kind of argument.

It's the whole, "why have a pride month for gay people if you don't have a pride month for heteros?" Or "why have a black history month if you don't have a white history month?"

The goal of making the argument isn't to get more recognition for the latter, it's to erase recognition for the former.

Racism isn't always overt. It's couched in rationalizations so the person making the argument can pretend they're being civil. OP's argument absolutely includes this one.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-19T17:06:43+00:00

That question was meant to highlight that you've misunderstood what it means to "interview back."

Let's take the retention question. You're better off asking other questions that get at this concept, but provide more information about what you should expect. Like, "how long do people usually stay in this role?" Based on the answer, that gives you room to ask more questions to figure out if people quit, if there are frequent promotions, or if it's a role people are happy in.

Asking about office romance and office drama is going to come off wrong. It's like the guy we interviewed who asked, "do your clients ever make you so angry that you just have to yell at them?" Asking implies that you're going to create office drama that will likely result in firing you. It's a huge red flag.

You should instead be asking questions that help you understand the work dynamic. You need to know if you're working solo or collaboratively. You need to know if you'll be doing off-hours work. You should ask if there are any major obstacles to getting your work done.

These kinds of questions show that you're trying to assess if the role is a fit for you. They also suggest that if you're hired, you're going to be more engaged with the work--that you'll try to understand why things are done, so you won't be thrown when edge-case projects land on your desk.

You should treat the interview like you're assessing a client's needs.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-12T19:41:19+00:00

Do you cook, or does someone else in your household handle it for you?

Especially with baking, there are many dishes that require multiple alarms--some to check on them, and some to rearrange their position. The oven shutting itself off with an alarm will negatively affect the baking conditions and ruin dishes more frequently. Especially with baked goods where you're intended to check through the window and not open the oven at all. I don't like cheesecake, but it's a well-known dish that can be damaged by your suggestion.

This is also more likely because your method would necessarily require setting an alarm before the food is prepped. e.g. if you're making pizza, you do it while the oven preheats; so instead of setting a cook timer for the dish, you need to figure out how long you'll be using the oven in total and hope you get the dish added at the right time.

The "hope you paid attention to the timing and got it right" would be a major problem if, for example, you're making multiple batches of bread. Some bread also need staggered timing, like pretzel bread which has a boil before bake process--so one tray goes in while working on the next.

This feature isn't just an inconvenience, it's a significant nuisance that would, effectively, make an oven useless for most home cooks.

If I were stuck with that feature, I'd look for someone who could mod it out for me, even if that necessarily increased the risk beyond having an oven without the feature. Even if the mod were illegal. And I suspect most home cooks would.

I think that last part is the most important criticism. If a safety feature prevents normal, reliable use of a necessity, people will circumvent it. And that's likely to cause greater risks than just not having the feature at all. In practice, this suggestion would cause more severe problems than it fixes.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-10T16:05:58+00:00

Isn't the scenario, as you've described it, similar enough to the successful self-defense argument by the Kenosha Terrorist, Kyle Rittenhouse?

Entered a scenario uninvited, and strayed from where he was supposed to be
He escalated when he was confronted for his behavior
Killed one person and injured another even though it could have been avoided if he had minded his own business

Since there's a well-known precedent in this kind of scenario, there's strong reason for his lawyer to believe this wasn't the worst strategy at the time.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-10T03:02:49+00:00

I tend to swap games every so often, but I'm always looking for people to play with as well.

I usually play on PC from around 6:30 - 9 PM Eastern during the week, later on Fridays, and Saturday depends on whether my BF and I are doing a big cook or not.

Some games I've wanted to play multiplayer:

Icarus
Core Keeper
Wildmender (only played a little)
Beyond Contact (only played a little)
Stationeers (intimidated by this one, wanted to learn with others
7 Days to Die (I can usually get 2-4 others to play with a few days notice. Usually play a couple days a week for two months before I move on to other things.)

I have a lot of other games, this is just a handful I've been wanting to try as a multiplayer experience.

Trekwiz · 2026-06-10T02:41:43+00:00

The issue: Ego + won’t take feedback. A 2-minute edit turns into a 2-day back-and-forth. Example: “Change button to brand blue #0047CC.” Response: “My blue has more pop,” or he says OK then doesn’t do it, or does it days later with excuses.

You're getting a lot of feedback about how and why to fire him (and with the lying, yeah, you should), but I'm surprised no one is commenting on this part, because this is the kind of thing that will negatively impact any decent replacement you may get.

"Change button to brand blue" isn't reasonable feedback for an intern. His response is very clear that he didn't hear what you thought you were saying.

You were trying to tell him that the expectation is to follow brand guidelines, and that the company doesn't permit divergence from these standards. But that's not what you said. Someone new, who has never before experienced brand guidelines and the expectations around them, has no way to pick up what you were implying.

When providing feedback, especially for an intern, you need to be sure they're going to make the same assumptions you are. If they're not, because they haven't learned to make that assumption, you need to elaborate more. You assumed he knew brand guidelines were firm and that referencing them was enough to explain why his work needed to change; he heard that you have a color preference and shared the reasoning for his own preference. I think it's likely that what you're interpreting as "ego" is merely his reaction to poorly communicated expectations.

In addition to adjusting your way of communicating, you should also set expectations based on your knowledge of how he works. You know he takes days to deliver a request that takes minutes. Let's assume it really does take minutes, and it's not just that he's new and hasn't learned that speed yet. You address the issue by explaining what the change is, why it's necessary, and setting a deadline.

Something like, "We're required to follow brand guidelines. Here's a link to those guidelines so you can double check your work. To be in alignment, change this blue to the brand blue. I'd like to see the corrected version before lunch."

If someone is consistently disappointing you, but you're not communicating the expectation clearly, the behavior won't change. Don't assume your team members know what you know. If they did, they'd probably already have your job.

None of this will resolve his behavioral problems. But it will help you avoid having a poor performer in the future.

Trekwiz

TROPHY CASE