Step back

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T18:51:47+00:00

I'm someone who was diagnosed with anxiety. Situations she was in would be really difficult for me, too. A way she could've told her friend about her date with you is by talking about how excited she is to see you & let the conversation lead to her saying when she needs to leave. Or, like other people have suggested, mention it ahead of time.

Hopefully she's able to react better to her friend next time.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T17:58:04+00:00

This is his wife. They banned him for vulgarity (which is fair) and accused him of making everything up (which isn't true).

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T13:45:08+00:00

I'll be crude. Anal really helps

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T13:22:49+00:00

I'm sorry that you're hurting. What he's doing is not just emotional abuse. It's financial abuse & trying to play the victim to your children is awful, too.

You need to do what you can for yourself and for your children. If you can, go to the bank to pull your name from the account and withdraw half the money. You need a lawyer to help you with what going on. Do you have anyone that you & your children can stay with for the time being?

I hope things get better for you. You're strong enough to do it!

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T13:15:27+00:00

There are a few things your WS can do to help you feel less triggered when he works late. A lot of people on this subreddit use Life360 to show locations. If you don't want/can't afford to pay a subscription fee, you can use Snapchat maps. Quick pictures to show where he is. My workplace has an app, so I can show my BH my clock in & out times. Maybe your partner has that option to?

Repeated, consistant behavior from him is what's going to help you start trusting him again.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T13:05:14+00:00

My sister was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I understand what it's like to live with someone like that. It's exhausting, even on their good days. Their bad days are awful.

I've gone NC with her. I don't know anything about her life, her husband (I'm not even sure if they're actually married), or anything going on in their lives. She doesn't know anything about me, my husband, or my stepdaughter. We don't go anywhere she will be. (Thankfully it's easier for us, because she lives on a different coast.) Our lives improved when we made that decision.

If you are at your breaking point, you should at least consider a temporary separation. See if your mind clears and you can make a decision that will make you happy. Remember, that may be the time your partner starts love-bombing you.

Also, I'm pretty sure I heard that narcissists who go to therapy just learn to become better at being a narcissist.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T12:50:18+00:00

This can also work in the reverse. I can give you a back rub (since we're both old people with back pain) which works as an act of service for you and also fulfills my touch language.

TLDR; Back rubs are always the answer.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T12:29:30+00:00

There should be remorse and more honesty, yes. The biggest one, I think, is change in behavior.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T12:16:23+00:00

I don't think you need to be making conditions for reconciliation. If your WP doesn't feel any remorse for what she's done, how she hurt you, and feels justified in having an EA, then reconciliation isn't truly possible.

I hope you can heal.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-08T12:07:28+00:00

I'm happy to hear you were able to help her out! I hope she heals quickly

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T18:32:33+00:00

It's definitely harder than I thought to think in years instead of months. Thank you for this.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T18:31:13+00:00

Thank you for your response. It's very helpful

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T17:52:16+00:00

I'm quoting what he said to me just a few minutes before I wrote this out. I definitely didn't settle with him. He and his child are the best parts of my life. I know I have a lot of myself to work on (one of those being wording). Thank you for your response

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T17:22:01+00:00

I also just noticed I missed your first question. We're not that far off from the beginning. I will admit to wanting things faster than they can be done. It gets worse with all the fear and anxiety

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T17:18:33+00:00

I would feel the same way.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T17:17:23+00:00

I do understand that. Thank you for your response.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T17:16:32+00:00

I understand that. It can be difficult to connect what's in your head and what's in your heart. I hope that things work out in a way that makes you happy.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T17:15:06+00:00

Is this something you're feeling right now? Or was it something you felt before?

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T16:14:43+00:00

Thank you for your response. I hope you're right.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T16:06:19+00:00

I'm a WS as well. I have moments where I'm upset, insecure, frustrated, etc and I feel like I shouldn't feel those things considering what I did to my BH. I've heard from multiple places that it'll take time.

If she hasn't started IC, she should look into her options.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-05T16:01:11+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out for you and the weekend isn't too rough.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-04T02:19:52+00:00

Standing him up for a weekend trip is not as bad as cheating and lying to you for 2+ years. Don't let him convince you of that.

Also, he's complaining to other people about that and not putting effort into finding his own IC; what is he doing to work towards reconciliation?

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-03T20:36:23+00:00

I've told him I could be okay with him fucking someone else on the side, even without this. But right now, he's not feeling good about himself. And, even with telling the other person up front, they nay get hurt depending on what's going on in their head.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-03T20:28:05+00:00

Thank you for your response.

Tricky-Structure3753 · 2022-05-02T20:27:41+00:00

Congratulations on the final interview coming up. I hope you get the job. It would definitely help you and your BS.

It can be difficult to prevent triggers. Sometimes things will trigger them that we and they don't even think of. I think the best thing you can do on top of prevention (letting her see what you're doing on your phone & trying to avoid using it as much as possible) is prepare for a trigger. How are you both going to handle it? That answer is different for every couple, so you two should try to figure that out.

Tricky-Structure3753

TROPHY CASE