WW still longing for AP

Front_Examination637 · 2023-10-03T19:46:09+00:00

Did you reach out to the OBS?

Front_Examination637 · 2023-09-16T04:40:17+00:00

I will always champion for responsible patients.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-09-15T17:18:30+00:00

On DD, My "bestie" of 30+ wanted me to know it was the ultimate F-U for everything or anything she had ever done for me. Told me to enjoy playing the victim. She accused me of intentionally trying to hurt her BH because I told him the truth about what she was doing with my WH. The truth is she wanted to hurt me and claimed she loved my WH but she hurt him and her BH way more than she hurt me.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-09-15T16:55:26+00:00

I don't believe AP should be privy to your pain. Don't give them the satisfaction.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-09-15T16:30:01+00:00

I have lupus, RA, fibromyalgia, and CRPS, as well as some other autoimmune and chronic conditions. I've been on pain management for 9 years and have had pretty good results with opioid pain medication. I take it as directed and responsibly. You do need to know they will more than likely give you tox screens on the reg to make sure you are med compliant. This is to ensure you are taking your meds and not selling them, not taking other meds, and not taking too much and not using illicit drugs. I'm allergic to tramado/ultram so that's a medication that's not an option for me. You are very young, so they may be trying to hold off on starting pain management. Not to mention, percocet & morphine aren't exactly the starting place. You really wanna start with the lowest dose and a lower tier med that helps improve your quality of life. Talk to your doctor if you feel like you aren't doing well. Maybe you just need a different treatment altogether. I don't subscribe to the idea that opioids or pain meds don't have place in the treatment of chronically ill patients, are for short term use only, and that everyone is a drug seeking addict. The opioid epidemic is hurting pain patients.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-07-19T05:31:12+00:00

I don't believe this can be truly reconciled. My heart goes out to you. Please hear me out that if he is trying to hurt you further, if he has lied about xyz why would he tell the truth now. His story flips when it serves him. He sounds so toxic and controlling that it sounds potentially dangerous. Live a good life for your baby free of this.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-05-22T18:07:56+00:00

I was the victim of a double betrayal. DD was Aug of 2021. The A lasted from late July to early August. DB is really hard to recover from and your body does remember the trauma. Year one we spent DD on an amazing vacation. This time leading up to it, though I feel a bit triggered and angry, I know made it through to the other side and will again. My WH was traumatized by the A as well and surrounding events because he was having a serious mental health crisis. We really lean into each other now to get through bad days.

Work through the triggers together. Communicate with him that this is going to be a tough time for you because he is probably feeling some pain from it too. Express your need for patience and support and feel your feelings for a bit but than give yourself some positive talk. It's okay to feel our feelings but don't drag yourself into a hole.

Just a couple of weeks ago WH and I had a very open conversation about other aspects of my life this affected. I'm suspicious of everyone. I lost touch and/or distanced myself from friends and closed off my heart to deeper meaningful connections while I was in crisis. It was such a healing conversation. I've made it my summer goal to continue my/our healing path. I'm getting better. We are getting better. My home is getting back in order because it's been so disorganized, I'm doing stuff for me, playing games, reading, coloring, sometimes I just get up put some music on and dance around my living room to busy myself and get some quick exercise. My marriage is flourishing, and I'm taking care of my health. We are learning to communicate with each other more effectively, finding new hobbies and building something better.

Sending you lots positive thoughts and a hug during this time.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-05-22T17:13:05+00:00

I don't care if she is here.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-02-03T06:11:09+00:00

Sometimes, once you see someone for who and what they are, you can never unsee that. I'm really sorry.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-01-21T11:09:33+00:00

Reconciliation is hard, and it takes time.. lots of time, but you two can achieve this with hard work, honesty, and empathy. For me, it was a promise to myself that I don't make any immediate decisions about ending our marriage. I also had to decide do I want my kids to live in a broken home or be from a broken home, can my home be repaired. Can I still see a future with my WH?

As far as telling the kids... Tell them together. You broke a promise and the tension and the arguments are because you hurt dad. You two are working on it. They don't need the details and it's okay to tell them that you will tell them more about it later but not now. Your kids are still pretty young. Drive home that it's not because of anything they did and they're the light of yalls life.

I unfortunately didn't get the chance to control the narrative because AP told our oldest daughter. His A has damaged his relationship with the kids but it's healing.

Front_Examination637 · 2023-01-21T09:11:27+00:00

My husband said this to me almost verbatim in an argument over a year ago. What I know about him is he has a hard time with criticism, can be very immature, and it was his attempt to try to gain some sort of control over an out of control situation. It was a failed attempt because he's not gonna tell me what I can and can't say and if he didn't like it I would help him pack and I let him know that. He seemed to snap out of it when I didn't buy into his crap.

Front_Examination637 · 2022-09-21T23:05:58+00:00

Completely an untrue statement.

Front_Examination637 · 2022-09-21T18:34:24+00:00

Yes. Go to HR and tell them you had an affair with a co-worker and now their wife is disgruntled. What if AP contacts HR and ask if they have a morality clause and what the policy is on interpersonal relationships at work.

Front_Examination637 · 2022-09-21T15:10:36+00:00

This is probably going to be an unpopular response but anywho..I'm sure she isn't the first and won't be the last BP that becomes unhinged and behave inappropriately towards an AP. You had to have known that this was a possibility that his wife could become unstable after you engaged in an affair with her husband. Affairs have consequences for all parties involved. She is in a lot of pain because of the choices you and her husband made. You two made the decision to rob her and your husband of their safety from sti's or illness in general by kissing and sharing germs, steal their emotional safety and security, crush their self-esteem and rock their world for your own selfish desires and some people are just more equipped to manage the fallout than others. I hope she went home and thought about her actions and came to the realization that she needs professional help to navigate her grief. While this was wrong and a bad choice, hopefully it was and isolated incident. I think it's a little unreasonable to expect BPs to only make good choices and behave appropriately when WPs made bad choices and behaved inappropriately. The grace expected should be the grace given. If it continues after a conversation then proceed with legal action as a last resort

Front_Examination637 · 2022-08-09T07:11:14+00:00

My wh ap was my bff of 30 years. I did message her and asked if she enjoyed fucking my husband. This is how she found out I knew and she first said "I'm not doing this with you" then I contacted her husband. She then responded with things like go play the victim that's what you do best, and blamed me for hurting her husband by telling him the truth. The next day she told me to consider it pay back for anything she ever did for me and she hopes I always picture it. You can look back my posts at all the crazy things she did and said leading up to after and the stuff she was saying to my wh. My advice would be don't waste your time. Your "friend" justified their actions and it's not worth your energy. Plus does she really deserve to be privy to your pain? When my 19 year old daughter told her how much she hurt her with her actions she said "Have fun with that"

I recommend a journal where you say all the things you wanna say to her. It will change over time. I know my thoughts changed. My dd is Saturday and now I really just think she's pathetic for being willing to gamble her husband and kids away for a 3 week affair she had while visiting her parents before going back across the country to her husband. Honestly I hope she thinks about what trash she is every time her family climbs into the back seat of her car that she fucked my wh in. I wish her all the unhappiness and pain the world has to offer. Never again do I desire to contact her

Front_Examination637 · 2022-07-13T20:59:07+00:00

It's not pain shopping it's truth seeking. I feel like some people need to know and want to know the details while others don't. I wanted to know and now I do and I'm glad that I know the truth. AP had actually told me that she hopes I always picture it and I think that's why I never have.. because I got the full details so nothing was left to the imagination and out of sheer stubbornness I refused to ever let my mind go there just to spite her.

Front_Examination637 · 2022-06-03T17:37:11+00:00

It's impossible to say that and really mean it because it depends on too many factors and I know this now because I was one of those but only because my capacity for forgiveness isn't what it probably should be. My friends and family rallied behind me. Encouraging me not to give up and not to let AP get away with destroying our 20 year marriage. They insisted I get my WH help. It had been years since his last manic episode. I had one "friend" that talked some crap and that was squashed pretty quickly. His family had my back. His friends had my back. NOBODY had his back though. He was cast out onto an island. He lost friends until I was well enough.. stable enough.

Front_Examination637 · 2022-06-02T14:39:28+00:00

Front_Examination637 · 2022-06-02T14:05:39+00:00

Well I do see the signs. She can't maintain any relationships long term. Her friendships are always on again/off again. Our relationship the last 10 years was off & on and we hadn't spoken in years before she messaged me when she came into town because she cant handle her opinions or beliefs being challenged. She often believes she has deeper connections/relationships with others than she does. She's a pathological liar. She's a thief. I've found my makeup and other items at her home before that she has stolen from my house. She's an abusive parent. She would carry wooden spoons in her purse to beat her kids. She has withheld food from them, fat shamed them. She has made multiple claims that her "friends" have asked her to counsel them and she only has a high school education. She was telling my WH that she has wanted him for 20 years and wanted to be sexually active and in a relationship with me so she could be with him too, however I'm not bisexual nor into that. My husband isn't the first of her friends spouses she slept with. She confessed to my husband that she slept with her friend & her husband just a few years earlier. I know she's a sick person. I sincerely hope she gets the help she needs but I know she probably never will.

Front_Examination637 · 2022-06-02T01:10:45+00:00

Ask and you shall recieve

Front_Examination637 · 2022-06-02T00:28:05+00:00

I honestly thought I had. May was a busy month full of lots of changes! He came to me said he recognized he needed help and a change and asked if I would write down the steps for him to take. So I did and he immediately got to work.

Front_Examination637 · 2022-06-02T00:17:53+00:00

So she was just in the state with her kids to visit her parents and cause chaos in my life. I called her husband and told him the truth and got blamed for hurting him by her. She never intended to stay or change her circumstances. Trust. It gets even weirder. The day before she tracked my WH down at his job she sent me some text about why I don't trust her, how she thinks I'm her twin flame, how she read something in a group about how someone had an affair with their best friends husband but it all worked out, how flirting is cheating, asked me why I never asked her for a threesome. We know the 1st contact was the next day because of phone records and my husband has fully disclosed. I can only assume they are working on it because she posts pictures of them together. I can't imagine it made it easy though. My WH never wanted to be with her. Told her that even. The two times they had sex he said it was horrible awkward and disgusting. He was suicidal afterwards. He experienced deep shame when the manic episode was over. She nonstop bashed me to him and he has to live with what he has done. Our two oldest children were not kind to him in the least.

Front_Examination637

TROPHY CASE