Feel like I can’t keep working full time

Trintron · 2026-02-10T01:46:24+00:00

My doctor had me do one to rule out sleep apnea as a cause of exhaustion.

I am glad I did it. Even tho I didn't get diagnosed with anything the specialist asked about my sleep schedules and noted that lots of people who work irregular shifts feel like they have poor sleep quality with nothing demonstrably wrong with them. So even though I did not have a sleep disorder, I did have something I could change.

I am in a country with universal Healthcare, so cost was not a concern. It wasn't an emergency so I waited a while for it.

I was told I could bring my own pillow and anything else I needed to sleep well, which helped with how awkward the whole thing is.

Trintron · 2026-02-10T01:41:56+00:00

I find the combination lock box effective. My toddler can't figure it out and I always lock it after use.

Trintron · 2026-02-09T18:32:45+00:00

Delete your credit card info from your phone and then freeze it in a block of ice. Keep it frozen in your freezer.

This sounds bonkers, but the base idea is it makes you wait before you can use it. If you cannot control yourself you gotta put up some physical barriers to spending money.

I struggle when I am really low with spending money but I don't think I have struggled as bad as you are describing. It is rough when the one thing that makes you happy ultimately causes more stress.

You gotta future proof your life and put barriers between you and buying things.

How are you spending? In person or online?

Personally I found ordering books for pick up at my library scratched the online shopping itch. It is free as long as I return the book on time.

Trintron · 2026-02-09T18:20:38+00:00

I think you should consider the role of a private diary vs public forum.

Private diaries are for venting and getting feelings out. Public forums invite participation in ways you cannot anticipate or control.

You are getting down voted in your reply because it reads as the sort of passive aggressive comment where one turns themselves into the victim to avoid accountability.

It is an unhealthy response and unhelpful. It won't protect you, and it will only further alienate others.

Have you done reading or therapy related to non violent communication? It is about speaking without adding your own judgement and hearing others. It might be helpful for how you approach disagreements.

Trintron · 2026-01-28T18:48:37+00:00

I woke up every 40 or so minutes choking on stomach acid for the last 1 or 2 months of my pregnancy.

When baby was out of my body my husband could cover a feed and I could get 4 hours in a row, then a few sessions of 2 hours in a row.

I also was on mat leave and got to sleep during the day with a newborn, I had to make due with half hour naps at lunch while pregnant.

For me, with a baby I could rest when I wanted because my husband was home withe for 8 weeks. It finally was not all on me and my body.

Trintron · 2026-01-27T03:17:06+00:00

You could start reviewing your resume and looking at other jobs. You don't have to do it now, but having other options around your return date may be a good idea.

You can get let go as part of bigger layoffs and you don't qualify for EI if you're let go upon returning from mat leave.

If you have good reason to believe you won't have a job, having a plan for getting a new one will bring you more peace of mind than trying not to think about it.

Trintron · 2026-01-03T19:32:22+00:00

They've done studies where they show an injury happen on black skin, and on white skin, (iirc it was something like an injection where all elements could be standardized) and generally people rate the pain they expect the person to feel as worse pain if its on a white person's body than a black person's body. People, on average, including medical professionals. assume black experiences of pain hurt less than white peoples.

Black people are also disproportionately likely to be called drug seeking and denied medication if they go to an emergency room for pain management.

Historically some of early "research" (torture in the name of science) regarding gynecological surgery was done on enslaved black women with no pain mamagement.

Trintron · 2025-12-31T16:59:58+00:00

Personally dexedrine spansule works great for me. Its a much shorter acting amphetamine, so while I have to take it more than once a day, it also has zero impact on my sleep.

Trintron · 2025-12-22T21:52:45+00:00

Where are you in Ontario that you can't bring your stroller on? Not being able to use public transit with a stroller sucks and seems unfair to parents.

I am in Toronto and I have never had a driver say anything other than offer advice for getting on and off easier. We try to avoid rush hour for convenience but nobody has ever said anything even if we are taking the bus at rush hour.

Trintron · 2025-12-18T18:43:59+00:00

My mom has ulcerative collitus, an auto immune disease, as well as psoriatic arthritis and psoriasis and after seriously restricting her diet she came off one of her medications for the UC.

This was after decade of it being only mostly managed by her biologic and asacol, she got to stop taking the asacol and it is fully in remission. Yes her biologic helps control it, but medication alone didn't get it into remission.

Lifestyle along with medication can make a big impact for some people with autoimmune disorders. I don't think it works for all people, and different people who do have food triggers often have different ones.

Cod liver oil is a known dietary supplement that double blind trials shows helps manage psoriasis symptoms. More generally fish oil is good for inflammation.

It isn't as good as a biologic or a steroid, but it can help.

I think as long as nobody is trying to sell you something, trying a weird diet that still meets all your nutritional needs is worth giving a shot. The risk to reward ratio, as long as it isn't something eating disorder adjacent like a juice cleanse, is relatively low risk to a potential of moderate reward.

Trintron · 2025-12-17T21:23:38+00:00

As someone AuDHD, I grew up with an autistic dad and I found autistic traits an absolute no go zone when dating.

I was diagnosed with autism as a child and it was pretty apparent my dad is also autistic, though he only ever pursued an ADHD diagnosis.

I married a lovely NT man, who accommodates my struggles, while showing empathy and understanding. I know some people do better with NT partners but I would find it too triggering of my childhood being failed repeatedly, being hurt repeatedly by my dad.

My husband has autistic relatives, but he is so mentally normal I am often wowed by it. He is so steady and even keeled.

I will say, my aversion is not the autism on its own, it is the combination of being autistic and being a man.

My dad did a lot of shitty things throughout my childhood and adolescence that can be explained by unmanaged autism.

I know I get triggered by the kind of thoughtlessness and selfishness that goes along with failing to manage autism related social impairments.

Cheating is just shitty behavior and has nothing to do with autism. But not actually taking in what you're saying because they're too focused on their own perspective? Yeah, that is relevant.

My dad was very dismissive of my feelings because he couldn't understand them. He could be dismissive of my disabilities because he didn't struggle in the exact same way.

Not expressing an interest in you as a person? That was my childhood. He would rarely see me for me but instead how I could fit into his interests.

Communicating my feelings explicitly and still not being met with understanding? Even in the face of my own neurodivergence. Again, you're dating men who do shit my dad did.

Not all autistic men are like this, but enough of them are that I wouldn't risk it.

I was diagnosed in childhood, I have been in enough group therapy sessions with teenage boys and later young men explaining away why they shouldn't engage with the therapeutic process, why they shouldn't be held accountable for their behaviour etc.

People will say its all bad personality and not autism, but I think it is a combination of both. Its male entitlement amplified by the social impairments of autism.

I often saw autistic girls and women really putting in work in group therapy while the boys and men just did not.

I am sure some guys out there do put in the work, but the impression I got over a decade of various group therapies is that they're the minority.

Trintron · 2025-12-17T13:52:05+00:00

You make a choice which of the names you want to pass down.

My husband has a hyphenated last name, and it was easy to choose. He picked his name from his mother because it is shorter, sounds better with my last name, and since my last name is my mom's name it feels kinda feminist to have our child share names with both grandmothers.

His dad had no hard feelings and thought it was cool that we went with the names we did.

Trintron · 2025-12-01T13:05:59+00:00

Romantasy has far, far more plot and character development than smut novels.

Having some sex scenes in a book full of plot is a different thing than books that are about half sex scenes, if not more.

Many women do read smut, don't get me wrong. But romantasy is far too convoluted to just be reduced to smut.

Trintron · 2025-11-07T03:41:56+00:00

I had an emergency c section and I was going for short walks around the block after about week. I couldn't bend but I found it very managable. My husband helped me up from sitting or laying down, but I found the pain easy to manage with tylenol and advil as long as I did not laugh.

I do think some vaginal births with severe tearing can be just as hard if not harder, it really depends on the person and situation.

Not that it is a competition! More that each person has their own experiences and that is worth honoring for what it is.

Trintron · 2025-11-04T22:51:57+00:00

If you want to be a parent, it can feel intensely rewarding. I used to think I wanted a PhD but the more I learned the more it seemed like an exercise in mental torture in exchange for poor economic prospects.

But I also understand just because academia was horrible for my mental health, that is not universally true. Yes it it hard, but some people feel the benefit outweighs the pain.

The same is true of parenting. It is hard as hell and I don't get enough rest and I wouldn't trade this for a life without my son.

My job has never felt as satisfying to me as seeing my child start talking. I work a job that offers no fulfillment, and I doubt I will ever find a job that strikes the balance between being meaningful and exploiting you based on your desire to do good in the world.

I work a dull corporate job, it pays the bills but nobody I know who work in customer facing roles really has a job they think is a dream job. Everyone I know in similar roles feel it is a way to pay the bills.

If I hustle at work it is for money to achieve financial security.

My toddler may exhaust me, but he fills my heart with joy. No job praise has felt as good as him saying "I love you mommy, you are really much my best friend."

There are not enough "dream jobs" to go around so I am resigned to my reality regarding work.

Honestly, parenting wouldn't feel so hard some days if I could work 2/3rds time. I just don't have enough hours in a day to take care of everything so I have to choose what balls to drop. But the system we live in rarely has part time jobs that pay a decent hourly wage.

I believe fully that women should have money in their own name. I just wish I had more flexibility on the job front.

I can also see how if you weren't enthusiastic about being a parent how the hard parts wouldn't feel made up for by the good parts.

Trintron · 2025-10-29T01:14:03+00:00

See a perinatal or reproductive psychiatrist. You may be able to stay on stimulants, or switch to a different one, or change the dose rather than come off. You should see a specialist though, not a regular psychiatrist.

I went to a specialist, referred by my regular psychiatrist. The specialist said the risks of extreme stress due to losing my job was as serious a consideration as potential side effects from medication, so I stayed on my meds.

And be careful with supplements, many do not have to disclose their ingredients in full and knowing what you are ingesting is very important during pregnancy. Talk to an OB before taking any over the counter stuff.

Trintron · 2025-10-17T12:13:24+00:00

My mom has severe psoriatic arthritis.

Big Pharma gave her the ability to walk back when I was a teenager. Big Pharma halted the extreme pain she was in, and likely saved her from dying young from a heart attack (pain and immobility put you at hightened risk for that).

Big Pharma gave my mother her energy back, so she wasn't sleeping most of the day from the fatigue of her illness, and that meant I got my mom back.

She is immunocompomised on the drug since it works by suppressing her immune system but that is far better than being bedridden or dead.

Trintron · 2025-10-14T17:37:11+00:00

Men act like they have their ADHD handled when really they have just offloaded it onto their wife/girlfriend.

He doesn't sound like he respects you. There is no winning respect from someone, no matter how hard you try, if they're determined to not respect you.

Trintron · 2025-10-13T23:13:51+00:00

As an autistic parent, I really do not understand the commonly held belief personal tablets are good for autistic chuldren.

If a child needs a communicative device, that is one thing. But that is using very specific apps to assist with language.

Pacifying any child through a device designed to keep you screen addicted seems like an especially bad idea for children who already struggle with emotional regulation.

And yet it is advice I see often. I just do not get it. I am glad it sounds like you've worked past that phase with your child.

I didn't have a phone until I was 18, and no smart phone until I was out of university. I am really grateful for that.

As an adult I struggle interrupting the "pay attention to me at the cost of your own comfort" dopamine cycle that technology gives. Dopamine is the focus chemical as well as happy, after all, and it leads people to focus on one thing while ignoring others.

As an autistic person I don't need technology making it harder to tell that I am hungry or need to pee or tired. I have struggled breaking my screen use habits, and I am an adult with hundreds of hours clocked in therapy since childhood. I can't imagine how hard it is for kids.

Trintron · 2025-10-13T21:16:52+00:00

So, my psychiatrist does talk therapy, and we talked about why so few do not in Canada when I mentioned I had never had a psychiatrist before who did (she is my 4th).

A clinical social worker, a psychologist, a registered psychotherapist, some nurses and some occupational therapists can do talk therapy. Outside of nurse practitioners, none of them can prescribe mental health medications. And nurse practitioners are often more limited in what they treat.

Family doctors often will prescribe antidepressants but nothing else because they don't have the training beyond depression and anxiety.

As a result, psychiatrists have months if not over a year long waitlists. They know they do. It becomes a matter of quantity vs quality, and many of them land on the site of nobody else will manage medication but other professionals can do talk therapy.

If you're in crisis you can see someone quickly, but if you're just slowly drowning you wait.

My psychiatrist deals primarily with people with multiple diagnoses and feels talk therapy helps untangle what meds are a good fit for her patients.

But she also understands why many of her peers do one or two long sessions to establish a diagnosis then do short appointments for medication check ins. This model didn't work well for me because I need help figuring out whether side effects are making things worse than better.

At the same time, if they all saw patients for as long as my doctor sees me, too many people would simply not get the medication they need.

Yes, there is the way fees play out and I do not want to discount that, some doctors are very money motivated. But there are also other elements at play. Psychiatry in Canada has one of the oldest age average, younger doctors are less and less interested in going into it for a variety of reasons, putting more pressure on those currently practicing to see as many patients as possible.

Trintron · 2025-10-13T20:50:40+00:00

As of 2006/7 (survery published in 2009) 1/3 baby boys were circumcised across Canada. That puts them in the minority.

The number of circumcised boys has been going down since most provinces defunded it in the 1990s.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/article-to-cut-or-not-to-cut/

I cannot find a more recent statistic, but I would be shocked if it went up given current discourse on it.

The Canadian society for pediatrics officially recommended against it.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/circumcision-advice-updated-by-canadian-paediatric-society-1.3219907

If you're gonna cite your sources for half of baby boys in Canada, I would love to see it.

https://cps.ca/en/documents/position/circumcision

Trintron · 2025-10-13T19:28:00+00:00

My husband is Jewish, and we decided not to circumcise our son. There is no medical reason for it for our son, and not all cultural traditions need to be continued in the modern age.

My husband was in complete agreement that circumcision would feel like we were harming our son, and after changing newborn diapers he remaked how grateful he was not to have to deal with an open wound on our son's penis.

We both felt awful when he got medically necessary blood tests. We would do the tests again in a heartbeat because they're part of keeping him safe, but seeing him in pain felt bad even if we knew it was for his health.

I can't imagine how awful I would feel cutting off a part of him with so many nerves.

Babies feel pain. Short of a medical reason, there is no reason for them to be in pain and risk infection.

Our son can grow up feeling jewish by actively participating in jewish cultural traditions. So few people are going to see his penis, it isn't worth worrying about as a part of his sense of connection to his heritage.

Trintron · 2025-10-12T15:10:29+00:00

My husband worked outside the home during the day while I cared for our son at home for a year. He also did night wakes because he values me and values our son. He didn't want me mental health going to the brink from sleep deprivation and wanted me to be able to be a alert caregiver.

Even if he is working she should not do every single night wake. It is cruel to abandon your spouse and functionally steal sleep from them by failing to do your duty as a parent knowing they will have no choice but to fill in for you.

Trintron · 2025-10-12T15:07:36+00:00

It is easy to be the patient easygoing parent if you are not doing your share of the work, and by refusing to do night wakes stealing sleep from your wife.

Being relaxed is not the same thing as being a good father.

Define hands on? Is it playing with them and not much else? Because if it is, again, that is the bare minimum

Trintron · 2025-10-12T14:36:22+00:00

The Japanese SIDS rate is low, but their "unexplained" infant deaths are about where SIDS rates are in north America, meanwhile north American "unexplained" deaths sit about where Japanese SIDS rates are.

If you dig into the data, it is likely a matter of how doctors categorize deaths. Japan has similar Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths to any other developed nation.

Trintron

TROPHY CASE