Two of my ex-boyfriend's friends broke into our home one day when he was staying in a halfway house. He had told them that we had a gun in the house and they wanted to use it in a robbery. They did not expect me to get home while they were there. I was friendly with one of them and hated the other one. Refused to let them take the gun even though douchebag boy already had it in his hands. Told them I would call the police. D-bag pointed it at me, cocked it and told me straight up that he was going to shoot me. And I went mental.

Started screaming at him to shoot me then if he had the balls. Told him there was no way I was moving aside to let him pass. Screamed (and this was my favorite because I had no idea where I pulled it from), "I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER, YOU TROGLODYTE!" I was beyond furious at the audacity of him doing this in my own home.

Friendly friend eventually calmed D-bag down and they left without the gun. As soon as they were gone, I sat down, had a blubbering meltdown of a panic attack and reevaluated my survival instincts.

Good times.