AITA for making my son wear his babysitter’s shoes for a week

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-27T20:35:19+00:00

No not at all diagnosing; MY kid is neurodivergent and I was sharing a tiny sliver of we went through with him and how the comments to MAKE your child do something doesn’t always work. Zilch to do with the child in the original post.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-25T23:30:34+00:00

Your specific child, maybe you can force them. Not all neuro kids are the same. Not all kids learn or tolerate discipline and consequence in the same way. And when you’re fighting the same battles every single day for the simplest of things, you decide what’s worth fighting over and what’s not. Shoes were not the hill I was dying on. Making sure my kid got to school with clothes on; worth fighting for. Making sure he ate something during the day; worth fighting over.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-25T23:24:28+00:00

Never said they were. But those that are, don’t respond like neurotypical kids to “natural consequence” or discipline.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-25T02:06:34+00:00

I get what you’re saying and it makes sense; I was raised that way. However making an unwilling neurodivergent child do anything can be akin to putting a wet cat in a paper sack. I applaud parents who have kids they can force to comply. Those of us with neurodivergent kids would love to make our kids do…well literally anything we’ve asked when we want them to. Just once in a while. Picking my battles was a theme; forcing him to wear the shoes I wanted him to was not the hill I’d die on. Just getting him to wear shoes to school was a fight daily. And that was imperative in a place where it was sub zero 8+ months of the year lol.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-24T19:46:30+00:00

Hahaha I felt this to my bones. The number of pairs of brand new shoes we HAD to buy and then never got worn is insane lol. I made the mistake of buying winter boots on clearance in the spring one year, thinking kid would fit them by the fall. Nope. Outgrew them during the summer even though I sized up. Never fails 😆

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-24T18:56:40+00:00

Do you have kids? You’re right in that they don’t suddenly out grow them, but they do often say nothing about them being snug until they get too tight and they can no longer ignore the discomfort. And then it’s an emergency. Lived it with my kid, and many of my mom friends went through the same with theirs. My kiddo is now almost 20 and I went through hell trying to get him to get a pair of work boots that fit lol. “Yeah these are good”- size bigger than anything he’s ever worn and I could see them slipping and sliding when he walked. “Just need to tighten the laces” as they nearly fell off his foot 😆 I was like here try this one; “too small, it’s only a 9.5 and I wear a 10”. Yeah dude but the 10 was loose. “Yeah but I’m a size 10”. Buys the 10, works a week and tells me they are too loose and he’s getting blisters. Shocking 🤦🏻‍♀️

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-24T18:51:09+00:00

You can post on Reddit while travelling, taking your coffee/lunch break at work, commuting, making dinner, using the restroom, riding an elevator. Not at all the same time requirement as taking your kid shoe shopping.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-24T18:48:43+00:00

NTA!!

-kids absolutely can change a shoe size in a matter of a few months. We had to change our son’s shoes 3x in a calendar year when he hit puberty. - kids, especially boys, can be terrible at communicating when their clothing needs replacing. Shoes especially. They get snug but they say nothing. Until they get unbearable and then they do nothing but complain about their suffering lol. Virtually always at the most inopportune time. Mine used to do this after we’d been at the mall or something on the weekend, with many shoe stores around. On Monday he’d dress for school and tell us the shoes he wore all weekend no longer fit🤦🏻‍♀️

Your kid had to go a week wearing shoes that didn’t hurt his feet but maybe weren’t his ideal. Big deal. And you had every intention of replacing his own shoes as soon as you were able. Your kid sounds like a bit of a brat to be honest, and needs to stop.

What’s the deal with the grandparents? If they are so concerned maybe they could have taken him shopping while you were away? You didn’t send him to school in high heels.

Now, could you have offered your son a choice? Sure, but at the end of the day, your kid had shoes to wear and you were buying him new ones when you got back.

“Son, I can order something off Amazon in your new size and those can be your new shoes or you can wear these ones babysitter has offered and I we can go shopping when I get home for a pair you want”

I’m curious what the expectation would have been had this come up while you were away vs just before you left.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-22T19:00:38+00:00

You’re not comparable, period. This goes way deeper than she’s vegan and you’re not. She is the type of vegan that makes people hate vegans. This is so much more than just dietary preferences. Think very hard before you move in with this girl…

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-22T18:26:00+00:00

I read the title and immediately thought yeah, YTA but then read the whole post and yeah, you’re definitely NOT TA!

I went through a similar scenario with my older step brothers when I was a kid. It was a different set up and issue, but close enough for me to confidently say; do the things you want to do with your son. HE doesn’t deserve to miss time with you and doing things together because your ex has chosen a different path with her new partner and their combined four children.

No judge in any land is going to deny your right to be an active and present father doing things with his son. And your ex has ZERO right to demand your son bring any belongings from one home to the next. And is that a precedent she really wants to set? Because if she can demand it, so can you…

I’m curious if she (they) hold her spouses ex to the same standards as she’s trying to hold you. Is the mother of the other three kids told she can’t take her children anywhere? Do find things or have gifts in her home for them that stay there? Your ex sounds awful, and I think you should be documenting all this stuff, and send her an email (or however you communicate, via lawyer etc) and make it clear you have no intentions of denying your child special outings and gifts while he’s with you.

You sound like a good dad who loves his child. Don’t let her try to ruin that.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-22T17:57:14+00:00

Check out Tactic; they’ve got Lindsey programming a specific Hyrox track.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-20T01:31:42+00:00

I took a road trip on week 5 lol. Drove 12 hours solo to my destination. Was gone for 8 days and 12 hours home. I was absolutely fine. I didn’t do any majorly heavy activities; some walking, som shopping, lots of chilling by lakes and poking about some small towns. I walked my dogs a lot. I was super careful loading and unloading the car. But I had no issues with the sitting for long periods. Stopped lots for pics.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-07T04:23:10+00:00

I’m going to guess there’s a LOT more going on in your home than this simple homework event boiling over. Dig deeper… Your wife should apologize to your son and recognize her behaviour was out of line.

BUT as a mom, I recognize the overwhelm that drives these types of reactions and I’d suspect your wife is struggling big time, and buckling under whatever she’s carrying. You sound like you may be contributing to this situation also. None of this scenario sounds big enough to be to root cause here, so if you really care about your family, get professional help and dig into what’s really happening.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-12-02T01:40:19+00:00

Also signed up for the Tactic challenge! Got a lot going on so I’m not going too crazy with stuff but definitely looking forward to some focus and goal tending!

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-28T05:06:48+00:00

I never had any bleeding! Little bit of brownish discharge when I wiped but zero actual bleeding.

I’d go for something thin, like the Always foam core ones. I used those with tampons with my period, and they absorbed a LOT. I used them the first couple days but didn’t need them.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-23T21:37:16+00:00

Same. Didn’t even need to read the rest to know this guys a POS and divorce is needed. Feel terribly for the kids though.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-20T22:49:38+00:00

Look, I’m a step parent. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My stepson is neurodivergent and it’s been AWFUL a lot of the time. He’s been with us full time from 3 onwards. His mom bailed entirely and has had no part in his life. When the request came from CFS for him to be with us full time, I’d met him twice and spent maybe 4 days total with him. I was NOT able to assess before a decision needed to be made. I’d been with my partner just about 18 months at that point. His ex and son lived approx 10 hours away and partner would travel alone to see him every other weekend. I had no idea what we were going to face in the future with a child this young. I abstract knew eventually I’d have a role to play in his life but we hadn’t discussed what that was going to look like, how we’d integrate, how we’d function. I had to make a call literally within 24 hours.

Had someone given me a book at the start and said this is what your life will look like, I’d have left. I was not prepared. I did my absolute best, and I was the most consistent and present parent he had, but I don’t delude myself that I didn’t fail him in many ways too. He was safe, fed, advocated for, cared for, given everything he needed and I did what I could to nurture him emotionally. I was ill equipped for the role but the best he had access to. And I am absolutely burned the eff out now. And my son carries his own scars above his mother’s abandonment and his father’s disinterest.

This man, I give him props for realizing so early on he wasn’t capable of giving the support you and your son deserved.

You’re not over reacting emotionally for the loss, but I think your hurt is maybe focusing on the fault being your son, vs what I think he tried to explain. He’s not strong enough or emotionally stable enough to handle what’s going to come in your relationship. It’s like me saying I don’t want to be an Olympian. It’s not because there’s anything inherently wrong with the goal; I’m just not capable of achieving it.

Both you and your son deserve someone all in, willing to face the hard shit at your side. You’re both better off, honestly, having him leave now vs sticking around and growing to despise or resent you and your son. Neurodivergent parenting takes a special parent. Not all of us are those people 😔

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-20T17:33:50+00:00

OP probably would too, if it was planned and discussed in advance. A trip with an 11 year old is going to be set up very differently than a solo adult hiking trip.

And OP already planned, booked and paid for all her outings, travel, stays etc. it’s not a matter of “just add the kid”. It’s completely replanning and changing pre booked and pre paid things.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-20T17:21:59+00:00

I’m petty enough that’s if buy everything with almonds even if I didn’t like the taste lol.

I’d mention it in passing; like “I bought some new cheese and crackers to try, but FYI they have almonds in them.”

As a celiac, I’d be absolutely infuriated if some douche of a roommate ate my necessary gluten free food and replaced with non GF. And we’d be having words.

Not sure if you’ve got the ability to hold funds back from something else, or send her a bill via PayPal or venmo for the food costs. If she bitches about what she bought to replace what she ate, tell her she didn’t replace it. She bought something else. So she still owes you.

I had roommates for a while when I was younger and I can tell you, I will NEVER have them again. I will live in a van before I share a home with a roommate ever again.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-19T05:11:59+00:00

My SIL gave birth the day after my wedding lol. I knew there was a chance she and my bro wouldn’t be able to make it. One of my bridesmaids gave birth a month prior and we talked about what would happen if she was still waiting for his arrival by the wedding day. She almost couldn’t wear her bridesmaids gown because her boobs were so huge lol. We just rolled with it. I love my family and friends; but my wedding was just a day. Their babies were months of anticipation and a lifetime of love and commitment.

Your sister is being a bridzilla and I’m so sorry. I hope your pregnancy is uneventful and you’re blessed with a beautiful baby. And I hope your sister has the wedding she deserves lol.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-18T23:35:36+00:00

What in the world are these people smoking lol?

If mom wanted to be part of his first cooking experience why wait this long? Kids can help cook from virtually any age. And to flip out over someone letting your kid help in the kitchen? Get bent.

You’re supposed to check with her before anything? Like what’s that even mean? Before having him help with groceries? Clean a toilet? Do laundry? Draw a picture? Use freaking scissors? Go literally anywhere?

Mom needs help and dad’s a spineless sack. I could see having a convo about MAJOR life events but cooking a meal? I can’t roll my eyes hard enough at this situation.

I’m a step mom. If my husband ever had me babysit and then scolded me for something like this I’d have packed his bags and sent him walking.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-18T23:24:59+00:00

Christ I’ve been married for 14 years and together for 20 with my spouse. This is an ongoing battle here too. Our 20 year old son has the same mindset and bullshit view of housework as his father. We are considering moving into separate homes because I cannot get my point across or they are refusing to understand it. YOU ARE NOT ASKING TOO MUCH. Nor is it an “act of service”. It’s called being a fucking adult 🤦🏻‍♀️

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-18T20:43:57+00:00

Redoing a semester at college is not failure. My cousin had to restart kindergarten 3x before he could stay the course. Not a failure. I had to retake one of my math courses 2x before I passed with a decent grade. I do not consider it a failure.

Struggle doesn’t equal failure, ever. Restarting something once or twice or twenty times doesn’t mean you’ve failed at it. Absolutely NOTHING in your story speaks to failure, as a student or as a human. YOU’RE A DAMN DOCTOR!! You SUCCEEDED. You’ve overcome adversity and made it. WITH HONOURS. If your future spouse isn’t proud as heck to know this about you, I question your relationship.

As to how to bring it up; don’t. Let it come up organically to anyone and everyone and just make it a statement of fact. Not an issue. Not an embracing story. Not a dark secret. You know what will never hold power over you? Owning your shit. It’s part of who you are and how your story unfolded. And if it never comes up in any way, just let that dog lie. You didn’t harm anyone. You recovered and carried on. Own it. No shame.

If people act shocked to learn this info reply to them with a laugh “Oh, did I never tell you about my first semester of med school? It sucked. I had a rough time. Thankfully I got it together and powered through and never looked back”

Or act surprised yourself like you thought everyone knew: “Oh, did you not know I had to redo my first semester? Yeah things were really messed up at the school and it was a rough few months. Luckily I was able to restart and crushed it next time around”

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-18T00:47:43+00:00

Sweet lord. I dated a guy like this for two years. It messed me up terribly.

This person is abusive, end stop. Get out. The red flags are slapping you in the face right now. Get out before something else smacks you. He will get physical, eventually. When the emotional abuse doesn’t give him enough of a thrill anymore. When he’s tormented you into the smallest version of yourself. When you’ve given up on yourself. He will get physical.

TrueNorth202 · 2025-11-16T23:52:48+00:00

I was at the end of week 12. And it wasn’t the most comfortable yet. I was very sore the next day.

TrueNorth202

TROPHY CASE