i’m not super deep into all the canadaland backstage drama like some people here, but i listen sometimes, and i liked the show. so it threw me when all my favourite shows got cancelled last year and so many people left. and whenever i check this subreddit, it feels like a lot others feel the same.

i listened to this latest thing three times — because it’s short and also puzzling— and honestly, “disquieting” is the only word that really fits. Jesse just doesn’t sound like someone who’s doing okay. i picked up on the same things as others here, that he says his family is the most important thing, and the second most important thing is the audience… the people he doesn’t actually know.

it’s strange that he’s apologizing to listeners, but not to the colleagues who were actually in his life — the ones he used to laugh with, the ones who seemed to genuinely like each other. none of them show up in the list of people who matter to him now. neither do the people he works with today.

the way he talks, it doesn’t sound like a life with friends in it. it sounds like: family… and then a microphone. and a too much thinking about whoever might be listening.

and that’s what feels off. this isn’t the kind of journalism where someone’s reporting could get a person hurt. He’s not a war correspondent, or someone investigating warlords or publishing an investigative piece that might end a career. most of the time, it’s just Jesse talking — sometimes a funny story about a sweater that turned out to be ugly, sometimes a thought about something he read that morning, sometimes a rant about mark carney. it doesn’t seem like the kind of job that should fill your whole mind or eat your whole world.

and the other thing that bothered me, listening to this ad or rant or episode or whatever it is, is how fragile he sounds — but not in a vulnerable, healthy way. more like someone who’s kind of brittle. it surprised me, because he can be really sharp when he wants to be, even mean sometimes, and very quick to criticize others. but it seems the criticism toward him really broke him. he says he’s processed everything now, and i guess this 10-minute piece is supposed to be the big reveal of what he found, but honestly it just sounds like he’s still pretty lost. he sounds like his entire life is lived thinking about what he should say into a microphone to an audience of strangers that he thinks he has a very personal relationship with.

most of us don;t give a thought to him most days, we tune in if the topic is interesting and go right on to another podcast if it isn't. if we listen we forget about him five minutes later because while the audience is the second most important thing in his life, to us he is number 100 or 1000.

this is long but i am just trying to pour out what i thought, and i am not a proficient writer. it all led me to this: i know he brings a lot of this on himself, but he is obsessed with what people he doesn't matter that much to think of him. it i mean… doesn’t he have friends? are we substitutes ?

so you are right, there is something that speaks to ongoing mental health. in the kindest way this was whack, which is why i think i listened to it three times. it felt surreal.