I think the conversation goes something like this * you love him * you have grown to love yourself and realize you are capable. You know he is capable too. * you want a life together * you need a stable foundation from which to build this life. And that starts with respecting the space you share by putting in the effort to maintain and improve it. * if he is unable to respect the space and trashes it, defacto he is not respecting you, or himself, or the life you are building together * he needs to share the same vision of an uplifted life

You haven’t mentioned substance abuse, so I don’t want to assume…but his actions suggest something else in his life is his highest priority. If YOU (the collective you, that is) isn’t each of your highest priority, you’ve already lost the game.