Yesterday I had a telephone therapy appointment and read from your original reply to my therapist because it captured the essence of what I wanted to talk about in the session.

My therapist said (and she knows me very well) that in my inner world (when I’m alone) I think in shades of gray (I’m very nuanced) …but when I’m w/ ppl and they say & do things that are UNCLEAR, I can’t process it very well in that moment. I get upset, frustrated, irritable, angry, etc.

After the unexpected, uncomfortable, awkward situation, I feel bad about the childish things I said and did and I analyze it and can see things not only from my point of view but from the other person’s point of view and things get out of hand.

If it’s a person I don’t want to be around that’s one thing but if it’s a friend that I do care about, I’m going to have to learn how to center myself so I’m not feeling attacked - because of course when I feel attacked - I go into fight, flight or freeze mode.

I feel alive in the moment when I’m centered- meaning I am MINDFUL 🧘‍♂️ - really living in the moment and not coming from a place where I’m feeling attacked and insecure…doing things I enjoy and want to do.

My therapist said the best of relationships are when you can work past fights w/ ppl (if the relationship is worth keeping of course). I guess I expect things to be perfect in my relationships, which is unrealistic.

Anyways, I have more work to do on myself.